Welcome To My Hammered Home

wait I have one more story. there's a group of anti-abortion protesters who often set up by the Ethiopian cafe I hang out in, and when I was waiting to cross one of them held up an aborted fetus sign and said "how does this make you feel?" and I said "hungry", and then I was so satisfied by my own cleverness that I missed the lights and stepped off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic

HIJK is not my personal favorite part of the alphabet song but i appreciate the artistry. it is the sort of labored uphill climb that lends itself to the free downhill spillage of LMNOP. each letter is like an effortful punctuation of an iron pick into the mountain side as you hoist your way up. you can almost hear the shrill of each strike chafing

some hyper famous artists like Van Gogh transcend overratedness and become underrated because they're so normalized. Like I'll look at a van Gogh and I'm like wait this really is amazing you guys don't get it

Shakespeare is like this

i'll be honest thinking about las vegas makes me nauseous.

hi my name is fictional woman from apocalyptic show made by a man i have really clean neat hair and perfectly plucked eyebrows and i love to get pregnant even though the world is fucked to hell and there's no hospitals or running water or anything

let the contemporary record show mr beast was pretty ignorable for his whole career if you were just like, busy.

first base is ripping each other's throats out second base is fucking and then pretending it didn't happen after it's over. third base is falling unconscious from blood loss in the other's arms

fourth base is talking about your feelings

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

The first attested cat in Japan was given to a young 9th century emperor and his diary about it includes such gems as 'I affixed a bow about its neck, but it did not remain for long.", "The color of the fur is peerless. None could find the words to describe it, although one said it was reminiscent of the deepest ink.", "When it lies down, it curls in a circle like a coin. You cannot see its feet. It’s as if it were circular Bi disk." and "I am convinced it is superior to all other cats.” Basically posting about how his void is the best little void and so good at getting really round

A PORN BOT UNFOLLOWED ME?

let me be pervertly clear

There are four categories of people you will meet: Underlings, superiors, rivals, and love interests. One of my underlings has been attempting to convince me of the existence of a fifth category, "friend", which appears to have no purpose. I suspect it is a ploy to get out of performing her duties.

If you have enough passion in your heart, superiors, rivals, and even some underlings can also be love interests.

an underling love interest isn't a person they are a Toy