Welcome To My Hammered Home

“Wait, oh, haha! Wait that’s so funny. Wait I know the perfect meme for that. Hang on. Hang on. I’ll find it. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. FOUN—wait it’s not this one. Just a sec just a sec I’ll find it. Hang on I’m asking in discord. My friend Bean will know. Hang on. It’s so funny really just hang on.”

“Sooooooo, sorry that took so long. Bean DID find the meme but turns out it’s way meaner than I remembered it. Yeah the text is way meaner. I meant it like, nice-style. I probably shouldn’t show you. Or I should? I could show you but imagine the text was nicer because that’s how I was remembering it. Wait I could edit the text. Yeah I think I can edit it on my phone. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.”

👆 THIS 👆 👏👏👏

Calling ineterracial relationships toxic or fetishizing just seem like anti race mixing or racism with extra steps

Okay, so apparently other people associate black gloves with normal jobs and I accidentally hosted my own impromptu Pervert Reveal Party in front of god and everybody via Beanie Baby post. Awesome.

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

they should make it illegal to end your story with an epilogue where your main female character is suddenly randomly married and has children when she's never once expressed a desire for this previously

must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason

What no one warned me about when I got into Discworld is that Terry Pratchett would completely ruin all my future footnote experiences. Now, whenever I read a book (even if it is an academic text!!) and see a superscripted number, my monkey brain makes my eyes drop to the bottom of the page asap, expecting a funny, poignant, memorable, and potentially life-altering little treat, and instead I get hit every time with the soul-crushing disappointment of McFarthy, G. et al. (1997)

wait...if you're manipulating me, and im manipulating you, then who's interviewing the vampire?? 😱

My body is already an inhospitable environment, there’s no way a friggin baby would be able to survive in it

Also babies can’t even fight, how would they fare in battle against my inner demons?

sand tiger sharks

on it, boss lady

I like when you click a link and it turns purple its like youre bruising it

the problem with taz balance is you first listen to it as a naive high schooler like "oh, funny dnd podcast made by those mcelroy guys i see in tumblr memes all the time! and they apparently have gay characters too! let me check this out! haha his name is taco that's so random XD" and nobody could have warned you that a decade later you'll still periodically think about lucretia and her martyr complex and be stricken with the urge to start gnawing your own limbs off