**Pterodactyl screeching**

There once was a doctor named Freud

who woman preferred to a-void

bitch loved his cocaine

But he couldn't explain

Hatsune Miku vocaloid

My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”

She was in a car crash on the way to work one morning and called my husband to let him know she’d be late and he was like wtf guess I’m gonna be late too because I’m coming to pick you up and then he told his team and they were like I think you mean WE are coming.

Imagine you are a teenage girl probably rushing to get to work and you crash your probably new car and feel absolutely miserable and now you’ll be late to work but then suddenly in the distance a car full of all the adult men you work with just pulls up and is like “we came all the way here to pick you up” the mental image right now is fr.

This is possibly my favorite response to this post

Me and my mutuals rebloging the same post

Quick, everyone reblog this

nothing will ever be funnier to me than the 30-50 feral hogs joke phase, I think about it at least once a week

Happy 30-50 feral hogs day

Happy 30-50 feral hogs day.

i think that, in retrospect, the nsfw ban in fact increased the baseline amount of horny on this website

an inspiring tale of human triumph over adversity

does twitter user chaddington know that i have thought about "mine supply of cheese whales" sporadically for the last TWO YEARS

sonic heritage post

New sleep style: hitting the snooze button so many times that you sleep two additional hours in ten minute intervals. I call this Horse Sleep

Worse sleep. That was meant to say worse sleep

I Am So Fucking Tired

Literally immediately after reblogging this to correct it I went "wow, it has a reblog already?" And got all the way to checking my notifs before I realized. That it was me.

Anyway horse sleep: sleep, but horse. Worse. Sleep but worse. Definitely one of the two.

Seeing the word "glomp" in 2022 has done untold psychic damage

“oh no someone with common sense”

The rarest superpower.

😧😧😧😧

thottled water

it’s been fun, but i think it’s time to delete the internet forever

turns out i am gay

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

I hate it when you’re reading smut and you can’t figure out what position they’re in.

ITS BACK

lord 

Y’ALL NEED JESUS

Please stop reblogging this post

This post made my water break

In honor of my daughter’s first birthday next week, I’m sharing the post that made me laugh so hard that it broke my water.

WHAT

God, I love this accursed website.

Hey internet, the girl that was born from this post is 4 years old today (July 2 2021) also, the gif still makes me laugh. Happy Birthday, Marceline!!