"Ohoho, boy! A Spankoffski!"

wdym you're going to hold me at gunpoint? What's next you caress me at gunpoint?? kiss me at gunpoint??? 🤨

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god

hierarchy of needs except all of mine are Get Top Surgery

thank you doctor I trust you with my life

yk vampire bats are known for licking their prey before biting them in order to stimulate blood flow.in case u ever need to know that

[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere

can we bring back the term "fair-weather friend" bc I feel like if fair-weather friends got called that more this whole argument about whether or not you should be there for your friends when it's inconvenient/at what point of personal inconvenience it's ok to bail on your friends would kinda fall apart bc like. we literally have a word for "friend who's only there when you don't need something from them" because the baseline expectation is that a friend should be there even when it sucks. like we used to make fun of people for bailing on their friends.