Welcome to whatever this is

The iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et cetera).”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

“And Loopin was masticating to it!”

As great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.

Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.

Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.

Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a pentagram into his forehead.

There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens to have the exact same name.

Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.

The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian and Harry is a Satanist.

Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim” with his “tim machine.”

Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”

Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.

Voldemort wears high heels.

Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.

Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.

Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara is a Rambo fan?

The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a female owl, for some reason.

Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread.”

Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.

James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.

Draco’s singing voice is described as “a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”

Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.

Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”

McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.

Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.

Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I think that is a genuinely clever pun.

The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.

Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”

This line: “Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”

And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”

“Azerbaijan”

“Hoes of Wax”

“Tom Bombodil”

“Cornelio Fuck”

“Professor Slutborn”

“Preacher McGongol”

“Lumpkin”

“TaEbory”

“The Bark Lord”

I am tired of how facebook jumped on the unskippable ad train and you can’t look at any kind of minute+ long video with ads everywhere. YouTube is just fucked and has been for years. Scrollable ads on our dashboards and news feeds on other social media, ads ads ads. Not to mention the ads we see in passing in our daily lives in stores, on the road, TV, Radio. It is absolutely inescapable, unless you pay some services to not see this shit.

I HAVE to post this

I encourage people to research anything that sounds fantastic and totally different than what they were taught - even in my posts.

If you see a blog post with startling information, do the CRAAP Test! (developed by Sarah Blakeslee and her team of librarians at California State University, Chico)

Currency:  What is the copyright, publication, or posting date? Does the date matter? Is the information outdated?

Relevance:  For what audience or level is the information written (general public, experts/scholars, etc.)?

Authority:  Who is the author, creator, or publisher of the source or what organization is responsible for the source? How do you know if the author is an expert on the topic (e.g examine the author’s credentials and/or organizational affiliation)?

Accuracy:  What indications do you see that the information is or is not well researched or provides sufficient evidence? What kind of language, imagery and/or tone is used (e.g. emotional, objective, professional, etc.)?

Purpose:  Why was this source written (e.g.to inform, teach, entertain, persuade)? How might the author’s affiliation affect the point of view, slant, or potential bias of the source?

More help:

The Ultimate Cheatsheet for Critical Thinking

Judging Source Quality

The Layperson’s Guide to Online Research

Media Bias/Fact Check Use the search feature to find the bias (left, right, center, and in-between) of any news source.

Snopes fact check

How to Spot Fake News from FactCheck.org

What is a “Good” Source? Determining the Validity of Evidence

so every dot on this map is basically someone’s queer experience: coming out, meeting their future wife, seeing another gay man in public for the first time, anything you can think of that truly left a mark on them

It’s no secret to the Japanese that Shinjuku nichome is the gay district of Tokyo but about half the pins left there are for the same club in that area named gold finger. Definitely a place to check out if you’re looking to get involved in the Japanese queer community for whatever reason, it seems.

I have a sneaking suspicion this submission is a haiku when written in Japanese…

This guy got the scenic view I guess

Is this how people feel while reading deep romantic poetry because wow I’m moved.

Honestly the best feeling is learning we’re not as alone as we’ve been led to believe