It looked awkward, but it was effective

You gotta grab as much joy from this life as you can

Man at my job just told me to “hold your little horsies just a little longer ☺️” about the task I’ve been waiting for him to complete or at the very least update me on for six weeks. Brendan, I will fuck your adult son. You’re gonna start seeing me at family Christmas. Horsies in tow.

tumblr is fun because you can make a shitpost like "using my horoscope to determine how many times I'm going to take a long piss today" and someone will reply with a very serious paragraph of how to check if you have bladder or prostate issues and before you can tell them you were just playing around and weren't being serious someone replies "I'm a pisces (pronounced as piss ease)"

Miss Piggy tied to the mast while Statler and Waldorf heckle her from the sea

I normally dislike these kinds of takes but this one works absurdly well. Who'd be the kind to brag with their full name to the cyclops? Who'd be immune to turning into a pig because they are already a pig? Who'd want to hear the sirens so badly that they'd tie themsleves to a mast just to ensure the sirens aren't as good singers as them? Who would get brutalized by hubris but still come home ready to kill a bunch of people for trying to get with their partner?

Having your interests mocked as a kid and general low self esteem will have you insulting the things you like even when they're generally considered very good. Because you like it, and historically when you like something it's stupid and not worth anyone's time. So you will say nonsense like "I recommend this book/game/film, but it's okay if you hate it, it sucks, I really enjoyed it but that's because I'm an idiot" and you are recommending them the Citizen fucking Kane of that particular media type. And importantly: you need to stop doing this it is killing you

no amount of butter or salt removes the nutrients from vegetables