Guarder Snake

Pure genius on display here, lads.

my cat hates taking his pills. the only way we can get him to eat them is to turn it into an elaborate pantomime - we take the packet out of the cupboard slowly and hold it up, saying “oh!! what’s this? what’s this? a TREAT? a TREAT for louis????” while making surprised faces. we offer him a pill… then, before he has a chance to sniff it, we wag our fingers at him and replace it in the packet so it becomes a Tantalising Forbidden Mystery. we continue doing this until he’s so confused and excited that he will eat the pill as fast as possible, just so he can find out what it is before we can take it away from him again. as soon as he’s eaten it he looks utterly disappointed and betrayed, like a child who just ate a delicious sweet only to find it was a chocolate-coated brussels sprout. it never gets old

Op this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read

50 First Doses

You trick Louis? You trick Louis like a common fool? Oh jail, jail for owners ONE MILLION YE-oh what’s this? A treat?

Reblogging again because I just realized that if I had this advice in high school I would’ve never made a tumblr account.

Also works for most of those news sites like WSJ or NYT that only let you read a little bit, or block adblockers. Also some disable the scroll bar but if you go to the right side of the console after hitting F12 and look for the CSS element “overflow” and change it from “hidden” to “visible” then you can continue scrolling for free. Might have to click around on different parts of the page to find it, but it should work.

Ok but in Girl Scouts we learned that a can (12 fl oz) of Sprite/7up can be substituted for literally everything that needs to be added to a white cake mix. It bakes perfectly and is delicious. Dark sodas (Cola/Root Beer/Dr. Pepper) can be used for chocolate. 

Forbidden knowledge

9

are you telling me americans have stores that open up SPECIFICALLY for halloween and just. dont exist any other time of the year. you people are insane

Imagine an empty storefront. Some business that closed years ago. The building stands empty, unused for literal months. And then boom. Fall comes around and there’s a Spirit Halloween. There’s no escape.

what the fuck 😁

Yeah this is a thing

Are you serious

Yes and they are divine gifts of beauty and cheap plastic lawn decorations.

… I honestly assumed that the existence of Halloween stores was just a running joke in American TV shows.

No they’re very real

Can confirm this phenomenon also occurs in Canada

It’s fun

Oh, it’s a blast.

Wait, so during non-halloween they are just empty? Like, they don’t switch between seasonal decorations (like christmas, easter, etc), they just…close and wait for next year???

So you’re telling me that every year for a month or two the Spirit of Halloween possesses a dead building then disappears?

that is exactly what we’re telling you

Quite. :)

this is absolutely the best compilation ive seen

hey there delilah what’s it like in (laszlo cravens worth voice) newww yoahk citaaaeh

Cosmic horror protagonist who has seen the Terrible Truth but is so good at repression and compartmentalization that she goes about her life just fine.

Everyone currently employed in retail or service jobs.

i’m strange but friendly so people tell me things

Honey is literally murder but go off

Prove it.

They literally puke their guts up to make your honey

Bee farmers use whats called a honey maker. It’s a crude devices. It similar to a meat grinder. They force the bees in and grind them up. What comes out is a paste. That paste is later filtered into what we know as honey

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read

@zoologicallyobsessed please show us pics of your bee grinder

…do they think they put bees in that and spin them around until they vomit…?

bee carnival

bad and naughty bees get put into the b e e c e n t r i f u g e to extract their honey

Here it is. The bee post is back

this little freak keeps sneaking into my garden and rubbing himself all over my flowers??Hello?????

Real, male bees don’t go after flowers they stay home, that freak is a herself

googling ‘bee genders’ as I dictate this post

diversity win, the freak sneaking into your garden and rubbing themselves all over your flowers does not fit into a human biological or sociopolitical framework of sex and gender!