@avoid-avoidance hows it feel to be a supergenius

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@grtwdsmwhr
@avoid-avoidance hows it feel to be a supergenius

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been thinking about grace and adrian being alike
I know that Heated Rivalry is one of those pieces of media where COVID never happens but what if it did? Imagine the lockdown shenanigans.
Shane and Ilya are obviously hunkering down at the cottage together. There's no hockey, but they don't know for how long, so they're still training all the time. They're doing interviews and having to make it look like they're in completely different places. Ilya has to keep being reminded that he's supposed to still be back in Ottawa.
Ilya's teammates keep asking if they can be in a lockdown bubble together and he's gotta be like "No, can't do that. I'm not taking any chances." But now they're worried because he hasn't seen or been around another human being in months and they've noticed that even before lockdown he made more jokes about killing himself than the average person, so they're stressed to their eyeballs about his mental health.
Meanwhile Ilya's living the kind of domestic fantasy with his man that he didn't think they were going to get until retirement. For the first time ever most days he can truly pretend that he and Shane are the only people in the world. Sometimes David and Yuna come over for dinner because they are also isolating at their cottage. But most of the time it's just endless hours of just the two of them and neither of them could be happier. Their biggest decision every day is when and where to fuck. Some people are getting into sourdough – Shane and Ilya have committed to learning one new sexual position every day.
I just think that lockdown would have been the ideal codependent situation for Hollanov.
yes but ALSO when lockdown ends and they have to go back to living apart they (especially Ilya) have the biggest crash out you can imagine
Some Unexpected Guests
One word prompt: Veterinarian!Steve - sent by @shelleyminx | WC: 1,119 | Warnings: None | Rating: G | Tags: Humor; Pre-relationship; Eddie's unusual taste in pets; Veterinarian Steve AU. | [AO3]
“Hey, the cats are fed and the water fountains are clean. I also changed Cookie’s blankets because she peed all over them again when she realized it was nearing closing time. Do you need anything else before I go?”
Steve looks up from the files on his desk, a little startled by the sudden interruption, and finds Robin standing by the open door, already bundled up in her winter coat and with her bag slung over her shoulder.
Jesus, was it closing time already?
“Did everybody else go home?” Steve asked, glancing at the clock on his computer screen and startling even more when he found out it was well past seven.
He had been working on these files for two hours and still nowhere near being done with them. What the hell!?
“They did. Max and Will just left, and I sent Mike home early because that butthead was running a fever and thought it wise to hide this from everybody.”
“That damn kid,” Steve sighs. “What is it, the third time this month?”
“Fourth.”
“Yeah, I’m definitely gonna call Nancy later. Maybe she can knock some sense into Mike’s thick skull.” Steve rubs his eyes for a moment, exhaustion making them a little blurry for staring too long at small, printed letters. When he opens his eyes again, Robin is still there, patiently waiting for him. “Sorry, you can go if you want, Robs. I still have a few things to do here, then I want to take a last look at Zoro before I go home.”
how it feels to message a friend who's having Problems that you can't do anything to help with.

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reblog if you like to see your own characters tortured
Wait, wait… lemme go get my favorite Jonny Sims quote real quick…
WHAT IS THE POINT OF INVENTING FAKE PEOPLE IF YOU CAN'T GIVE THEM TRAUMA?
If Ilya and Shane actually wrestled like no holds barred to the death full competition mode rough and tumble fighting, I think most of the time Shane would win. Shane is used to Ilya throwing him around and pinning him down, but Ilya gets tossed to the ground once and gets so turned on he passes out. Shane yells at him and pins him and he just gives up because he's so horny he cannot actually think. Their friends are like oh my god Shane you're hurting him! And Ilya is lying there under him so so so pleased like yayyyy I love being pinned by my huge sexy jock boyfriend #mysexyjockboyfriend DO NOT SAVE HIM he is exactly where he wants to be!!
drunken confession ficlet
prompt is from this list
Shane's head lolls against the back of the booth in the Kingfisher. For once, they're visiting during the offseason, so even Shane indulged in a few beers.
Well, that and several shots of rum Ilya slid across the table. He's found it easier to get Shane to take shots with him when they're rum. Even though Eric and Scott stock the good stuff, vodka makes Shane either moody or horny, but rum makes him silly - much better for nights when Ilya wants to stay out late.
"Ilyaaaa," Shane murmurs, a drunk little smile on his face.
"Yes, lyubimyy?"
Shane lets out a tiny, embarrassed giggle. "I have a secret."
Oh, Ilya's husband is so wasted. He's probably going to kill Ilya tomorrow for letting him drink this much. But, for now...
"You do? What is it?" Ilya leans in, putting his ear toward Shane's lips.
Another giggle. "I shouldn't say this... but I've been in love with you for forever," Shane whispers.
Joyful butterflies erupt in Ilya's stomach. Even after all this time, he still feels all swoopy inside whenever Shane says he love him. And now, Shane is so drunk that he doesn't even remember they're married, and he's still confessing his love. He's perfect.
Ilya leans back and reaches up to smooth his thumb across Shane's cheek. "Well, I have good news," Ilya tells him, "I've been in love with you even longer."
Shane's eyes light up. "Mmm, really? Niiiice. I must have mad rizz to have bagged such a hottieeee."
A full, loud laugh barrels its way out of Ilya's chest. "Who taught you that word?"
"That's my line!" Shane cries.
"Oh, that you remember, but not being married to me?" Ilya mock pouts.
Shane pats at his chest and finds the ring laying just below his collar bone. "Oh yeahhh." He grins. "So lucky," he adds, whispering to himself.
Ilya laughs and wraps his arm around his husband. "Me too, solnyshko, but it's time to switch to water, I think."
.ninety-one :)
I love the idea of Shane being not just good at hockey but good at all sports, to the point where it fascinates and infuriates the other Centaurs
Because what do you mean they went to the batting cages for some silly fun to watch everyone flail at an unfamiliar sport, only for Shane to need three practice swings before figuring out the force and timing needed to start hitting every single pitch? What do you mean he sets the course record at the mini golf place they have the Pike twins birthday at? What do you mean he learned how to play cricket over a long weekend in the UK? What do you MEAN your Canadian ass that grew up on a calm, tiny lake went to visit Rose in LA and just learned to surf from “some guy” one of the days she was busy??
Shane doesn’t get why they all think it’s so crazy. He’s a professional athlete, he’s good at full body and mind control as well as adaptability and hand-eye coordination, and he’s so used to being the best in the world at hockey that he views being mundanely good at anything else as barely noticeable. He argues with Troy over whether he counts as being good at basketball just because he killed them all at the basketball shooting game at a Dave and Buster’s
They all start making bets to see who can find a sport Hollander isn’t good at. Harris is convinced he’ll win with figure skating because Shane’s muscle memory will want to work against him with a technique that’s so similar but also so different, only for Shane to come out of an afternoon learning from his old friend who was at the Olympics with the ability to do simple jumps and spins and is insisting the whole team learn so they can incorporate it into plays. Harris is not allowed to make suggestions after that
Ilya just sits back and lustily watches his husband destroy their friends at volley ball, wrestling, tennis, broom ball, and ultimate frisbee. Shane participates in an all pro athlete Ninja Warrior event to raise money for charity and Ilya can’t watch the clips of Shane flying through the course like a bat out of hell unless he is able to fuck Shane immediately after it ends

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i think it’s shane who initiates the physical contact the most. he can’t let ilya think even for a second that he regrets or he doesn’t love ilya. so of course he’s indulging with a lot PDA. shane holds ilya’s hands, gives ilya hugs, pecks on llya’s lips and cheeks, put his arms around his shoulders or waist. not overly affectionate but is always touching him somehow. and of course ilya is delighted, his husband is giving him love IN PUBLIC all the time. he doesn’t know what’s happening in shane’s little brain, he just knows that his husband loves him very much and is showing to everyone.
Omegaverse au where Shane and Ilya know they want kids eventually, but Shane anxiously tells Ilya about his parents' struggle with fertility- how one of the reasons they're so protective of Shane is because of how touch and go it was with getting him here in the first place. Ilya reassures him that they might not have the same issues, but even if they do there are always other options.
When they do start trying, they have no such luck. Months of trying and failing kind of gets to them and they agree that they'd rather not go to any clinic or push for something that's not in the cards and will only cause heartache. So they stop hoping and testing, going back to their usual lives and laughing about how at least they can make the most of unsafe sex without any scares now.
Shane is convinced that the on and off sickness he's been hiding from his husband for the past few weeks is just wishful thinking. He refuses to get his hopes up for something that won't happen- devastated that his body can't give this to Ilya. Eventually, he gives in and takes a test. Ilya isn't home from work for another hour or so, busy discussing changes to the rink with their manager.
He watches the bathroom door like something's going to jump out at any moment. Assures himself he'll leave the 3 tests he'd taken for an extra five minutes, to give himself time and make sure they've worked properly. But as soon as the timer goes off on his phone, he practically trips over himself to go running in, forgetting the extra five minutes entirely.
Positive. Shane blinks back tears. All three. Positive. Positive. Positive. With shaking hands he examines them, then rereads each box just to make sure he's not lying to himself. Then he presses both hands to his stomach, looking into the mirror to see the tear tracks on his face, and a smile he can't wipe off, making him glow with happiness.
Ilya picks up on the third ring, Shane doesn't give him chance to ask what's going on before he's demanding that he comes home right this instant. Fuck the rink, this is more important. He can hear Ilya pushing open the door and fishing for his car keys as he anxiously asks what's wrong, sounding panicked in the way he never is. Shane laughs wetly, reassuring him that it isn't bad but he needs him here, so get here fast, just don't break any speed limits and don't die. His husband agrees only to that last requirement.
In record time, Ilya is pushing open the front door, greeted by Shane slamming into chest, dragging him into the kitchen by the hand. "Sit." Shane pushes him down onto one of their barstools, "Wait here, I'll be right back."
He returns with both hands behind his back, "Close your eyes." Ilya huffs, "Hollander you're freaking me out. Have you gone crazy in time I was gone?" still, he shuts his eyes tight, relieved that whatever this is, it can't be a bad thing if it has Shane smiling so bright. Shane grabs Ilya's hand again and twists it so his palm faces the ceiling. A cold, hard piece of plastic is pressed into his hold. "Open." Shane laughs softly, watching Ilya look down- a million emotions flitter across his face before they all shatter, eyes welling with tears as he looks up at Shane again. "This is real? This is.. this is ours?" He rasps, choking out a wounded sound as Shane pushes the other two tests into his hands as well, "It's real. It's ours."
Pregnant Shane Headcanons
My pregnant Shane headcanons (non-goblin, of course). 1. One of the first signs of pregnancy when it comes to Shane is nesting. He normally keeps their bed/nest fairly tidy and neat, as he is not someone who enjoys having mismatched pillows, clothing, blankets, etc. throughout the bed. The second he gets pregnant, however, Ilya starts to notice his clothing mysteriously disappearing and ending up stuffed in their bed. By the end of the pregnancy, he's making the coziest, softest, fluffiest nest for his husband and baby. 2. He still plays hockey. Professionally? God, no. Of course not. But does he sneak off to the rink to throw on a pair of skates and practice his backhand? Absolutely. Ilya has pulled up on Shane doing this SEVERAL times when he has suspiciously declared he has to "go run errands" and then left the house with all his gear. Yes, Ilya had to put his skates on and drag Shane off the ice every time. Yes, this was also how Shane put himself into labor. 3. His midnight cravings run RAMPANT. Especially in the second trimester as soon as his nausea from the first trimester clears up. He likes to eat straight spoonfuls of nesquik powder while Ilya watches in horror. He felt guilty about this habit for a while before Ilya reminded him that if he's craving it, that means the baby is craving it. 4. He refuses to wear maternity clothes (except for maternity clothes from his many sponsorships he no-doubt gets). Otherwise, he just lives in Ilya's clothes. Stretches out all his shirts and ruins the waistband of all his joggers. Ilya literally has no wearable clothes left by the end of this pregnancy. 5. He has a mean fucking temper while he's pregnant. Ilya has warned the guys on the Centaurs again and again to be on their best behavior around Shane when he's feeling particularly moody, but they don't always listen. Not until Shane snaps so bad at Luca Haas, the poor kid sheds a few tears (Shane apologizes profusely afterwards). He's also often caught on camera in the stands at games screaming at the ref for making bogus calls. 6. He loves Ilya's nasty hockey stank. Is this disgusting? Yes. And he knows it. But, he can't help it. Like his cravings for midnight sweets, he absolutely must sniff Ilya's nasty ass sweaty hockey gear when he comes home. It's like his own personal brand of heroin. Don't judge him. He goes back to gagging at it as soon as the baby is born (Ilya takes great offense to this). 7. Eepy. He's so eepy. All the time. He normally can't sleep until he has completed his strict bedtime routine, but while pregnant? No. He's falling asleep everywhere. In the car, sitting at the kitchen table, he even got caught sleeping in the stands of a hockey game in his third trimester and completely missed Ilya's best trick shot of the whole game. Ilya always does his best to make sure Shane has someplace safe and comfortable to rest when they're traveling, even if that means sacrificing himself for use as a human pillow. 8. He doesn't like feeling the baby kick at first. He eventually grows to love it, but those first few weeks were hell for him. It made him feel like he wanted to throw up every time and he felt absolutely violated knowing there was a whole ass teeny tiny person kicking his insides. 9. He absolutely hates poor Hayden Pike during his pregnancy. No explanation. No reason. Hayden's face just pisses him off SO BAD while he's pregnant. Seeing him also made him throw up a lot in the first trimester. Their only somewhat viable theory is just that the baby, just like her papa, hates Hayden so much that she projected these emotions onto Shane. 10. He has the most detailed birth plan known to man. He has every doctor and member of staff picked out that he wants there. Obviously, none of this goes to plan and he loses his fucking mind- Ilya is the only one who is even somewhat successful about making him feel better. He forgets about all of this as soon as their baby girl is born, though <3.
One more unhinged little scenario before bed: On the day that they decide to let Hayden and Jackie know that Ilya is pregnant, they invite them round for lunch. These are the first people besides Shane's parents and Sveta and Rose that they've told. So it's a Pretty Big Deal. They've decided they'll tell them during lunch because Hayden always processes things better (with fewer silly questions) if he's got some food in his system.
But then Jackie asks for sparkling water instead of her favourite chardonnay, and Shane knows the only time she does that is if...
Why today of all days???
And Jackie seems to realise that Shane's worked it out, because he fixes her with a look that says 'No way, Jackie, number 5?' and she gives him and little nod and a shrug.
But then Ilya also asks for sparkling water and Jackie immediately puts two and two together. She fixes Shane with a delighted look that says 'Wait oh my god, really???' and Shane can't help but grin back.
And both Hayden and Ilya are sitting there watching this like "Do you mind if we also know what's going on?" Because now the other two are just smiling at each other trying not to cry.
And then Hayden is like "Oh shit, wait, I think Shane might have worked out that Jackie's pregnant again," and Ilya nearly flips a table. He can't believe Hayden one-upped his pregnancy announcement with a fifth fucking baby.
Okay fic where Shane finds out he is pregnant when he's with Rose and keeps it secret until let's say Hayden lets it slip and doesn't tell Ilya he's the father, doesn't tell anyone who the father is and some people assume he doesn't know but it's not obvious to Ilya that the kid is his so he doesn't go to Shane and ask, he just assumes he missed his shot with Shane and well, he doesn't move on exactly but he does set up a nursery in his house and pretends it's not for Shane's baby.
After the baby is born Shane and Ilya start seeing each other again and Shane is worried that
1) Ilya will be mad he didn't tell him about the baby and
2) that he'll decide he doesn't want to be their dad
Something something commitment and Parental trauma and babytrapping angst
And then Shane brings the baby to a hookup in Boston (in this au Shane moved to Ottawa first because the Metros did not like that he had to take time to have a baby and when he was pressured to get rid of it Shane was angry and quit and posted the recording of the conversation online so the Metros is got an overhaul but Shane traded to Ottawa anyway) it's late enough when he arrives that it's almost baby's bedtime, feeding routine and then sleep so Ilya doesn't have to/get to interact with baby and Shane is not reading into the nursery Ilya shows him because he heard that Cliff is recently married with a baby on the way and that's Ilya's best friend so of course he's got a room for the kid and Shane doesn't keep the door open for the routine so he doesn't see Ilya hovering at the closed door separted from everthing he's always wanted.
Anyway Shane and Ilya have their fun but Shane is a single parent and while his parents and the team sometimes help he's still the main caregiver and exhausted, so he pretty much passes out after they're done and Ilya doesn't want him to leave so doesn't wake him.
So, when baby cries down the hall Ilya shushes Shane and gets up, he changes a diaper and rocks baby, murmuring is soft Russian that quiets them immediatly, almost as if they recognise the sounds.
And Ilya spills a secret he never means anyone to know.
'I wish I was your Papa, then your Daddy wouldn't be so tired, I'd do anything you needed, never leave you or your Daddy behind. I'd love you so much more than I already do, little one, just like I love your Daddy.' By this time baby is asleep and Ilya settles them back in the bassenet and turns to go back to Shane only Shane is crying in the doorway because Shane learned Russian so he could teach the baby their father's language so he understood everything Ilya said.
And well, Shane tells him the truth and why he was worried about telling him and then being scared of Ilya being mad and the reason that Shane even gets to bring the baby along on trips is because they've had threats from fans and Crowell and it's better to have Baby close because the Centaurs are very protective of them so.
Ilya is a little upset but also worried because Shane has been dealing with so much on his own while still caring for their child and after Shane falls asleep again Ilya starts making plans to move to Ottawa and be there with Shane as often as he can, the Boston team will understand, they already know he's been in love with Shane since Ilya had got drunk after the baby was announced as having been born, crying and drunk on Cliff's couch saying he should have been with Shane as support and calling the baby his and theirs so when Ilya makes his announcement later they all just assume he's the dad that stepped up, and just nod when Ilya says stuff like 'No, is my baby, for real' and say 'Yeah, we know they are your baby' and 'yep, you make that same face' when the baby is pooping, and are loving teasing but none of them even think Ilya means genetically because aside from the curls baby looks just like Shane, which Ilya loves of course but his genes didn't even try did they.
And baby gets so many Hockey uncles that love this kid and people become genually afraid to even hint at a threat because some Hockey Player will comment on your thread asking for your address and questoning if you hate kids and if you can fight so they shut up and Crowell gets arrested eventually so baby is safe but they still get to go with the team because they are the assistant coach, basically they just cheer the team and hold Wiebe's clipboard.
So, I started writing this but I want some one to bounce Ideas about it with, I already wrote part of it from Ilya's pov about him building a nursery for the baby that's floating around here somewhere but what I'm writing is from Shane's pov so...
I know my prompt has Shane and Baby going to the Centaurs but my brain keeps telling me to have Shane get traded to the Raiders and I want opinions about it.
Update I posted the fic.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/86634021

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hollanov on separate bedrooms
jackie: yeah separate bedrooms can be a blessing! i love hayden but sometimes i need my own space
shane: ????
hayden: it’s healthy for couples to get a breather! and it makes it more romantic when we share our bed again <3 even tho you kick in your sleep babe ahah
ilya: okei….
(later, at home)
ilya: don’t you ever dare sleep in a separate bed from me i will hunt you down
shane: fuck no never — also when you kick me in your sleep i just kick you right thefuck?? like grow a pair hayd, jeez
ilya: ok i see your point but maybe hayden shouldn’t kick his wife
shane: you’re right jackie should just kick him harder
ilya: exactly! we should be marriage counsellors, solving everybodies problems ))
yuna getting really lovely, thoughtful, sometimes extravagant mothers day and birthday gifts from ilya never really understanding why hes going through all this effort even if she does appreciate it and thinks hes so so sweet for it all, even after the boys tell her and david about ilyas mother and the irina foundation it doesnt fully click for a while. it only comes together on some random day, ilya has a game later that night and he’s had lunch with yuna and david planned for a while and he shows up with the good vodka david likes and this small package of candies that ilya hands to her very shyly for the first time probably in his life, definitely since shes known him, and he explains with shaking hands that they were his mama’s favorite, and it was her birthday today.
yuna feels her heart break a little bit when he tells her that she would have been younger than her, maybe too young for how old her children are considering he had an older brother, but he thought about his mama when he was happy in the hollander home, and wanted to share his mamas favorite candy with the woman who was mama to his favorite person in the world. like they got to meet, in a way. and yuna realizes very suddenly that he does the birthdays and mothers days for both her and irina because she is the closest thing he has to a mother, and she looks at him and realizes with it that he is in some ways still 12, finding his mother, and she has never met a little boy so tall and tired when she pulls him into a hug and doesnt let go till david suggests they get inside for lunch.