am i repulsive in my wanting

Anok Yai with her parents, Nyibol Akuei and Kenyang Yai for British Vogue June 2026!

Photographed by Rafael Pavarotti.

Shondaland's description of Eloise for the personality test is the most repulsive thing I've ever read. "Emphasis on semi" "beautiful evolution" "softened" because an angry feminist who wants to rebel against society needs to be softened into compliance which is of course just beautiful!

1. Eloise didn’t “apologize for not loving the patriarchy”, she apologized for not taking her sister’s interests seriously. Eloise attended Hyacinth’s finishing lessons—an endeavor that she took very seriously—and spent the entire time cracking jokes and taking none of it seriously. It would be akin to your sister coming to your wedding just to make fun of the decorations and spend the whole time talking about how stupid marriage is.

2. And Violet asked Eloise to attend Hyacinth’s finishing lessons because she had declared herself “on the shelf” and Violet wanted Eloise to still be a productive member of her family; if Eloise was not going to pursue marriage then she could at least relieve Violet of some of her chaperoning duties so she doesn’t have to attend finishing lessons for the fourth child in a row. And mind you, Eloise pure herself in this position by declaring that she was “on the shelf”.

3. A core theme of Eloise’s character is her fear of love, whether it be familial, platonic, or romantic. She specifically fears romantic love because she fears losing herself in those relationships. Eloise has goals and ambitions and dreams—maybe more than any other female character on the show—and she is surrounded by a society and group of men who value none of that. But as she opens herself up to the love of her friends and family in these past three season, she learns that true, unconditional love does not force you to hide, it allows you to act freely and love openly.

2. Violet did not ask Eloise, that would imply Eloise was there willingly, she told Eloise she could either be forced to talk to suitors again, or she could go to the lessons, that's hardly a choice, and it wasn't because she wanted Eloise to be productive, it was because Violet knew Eloise hated those lessons and was hoping it would be enough to force Eloise back on the market, because Violet is a controlling, selfish, manipulative, absolutely awful excuse of a mother, if this was the modern era, Eloise would've gone at least low-contact with her, and I would cheer. And I'm not going to respond to the comment on how Eloise "put herself in this position" because... yikes

3. Eloise is not afraid of familial or platonic love?? I don't know where that is coming from, she is so open with her love towards her friends and family, I genuinely don't know where this interpretation is coming from. And Eloise's aversion to marriage is way deeper than just being 'afraid of losing herself', it genuinely bugs me when people boil it down to that, because Eloise detests that marriage turns women into property of their husbands, who can do whatever they like to their wives and face no consequences, that's not fear of losing herself, that's basic self-preservation. She also detests that marriage is the only thing women are allowed to have, she wants to go to university, she wants to travel the world, she wants to study, and explore more of who she is and what the world has to offer—but the fandom has to boil it down to "she just doesn't understand the power of TRUE LOVE" because if they actually listened to what she said, they couldn't ignore how tone-deaf that argument is. Also, Eloise has been open to the love of her family and friends all these seasons, it is her family and friends that continue to ignore, sideline, and diminish her interests, and beat her into submission until she fits the tradwife mold. I don't understand how Eloise's arc could be read as being about about learning "that true, unconditional love does not force you to hide, it allows you to act freely and love openly" seeing as everything that has happened to Eloise has been... the exact opposite of that. She wasn't allowed to go to political rallies, she isn't allowed to just be a spinster in peace, like 25% of noble women in that era—because her mom's a bitch—she can't focus on writing in her journal—because her mom's a bitch—she can't read in peace—because her mom's a bitch—she can't even choose to remain impartial to the presence of a child—because her mom's a bitch.

I completely understand what you're trying to say, and this is no hate to you, but Eloise's arc cannot be about how 'true love allows you to be yourself' when every aspect of Eloise is being degraded and belittled so that she can realistically become P*ilip's stepford wife. The show and characters do not let Eloise act freely and openly, they actively punish her whenever she tries, so her arc is more "women who are feminists are just stupid, whiny, privileged girls who do not understand love, and childfree women are just selfish, but it's okay, they just need a man to come and fix them and unlock their true maternal side, then they'll give up their desire for education, equal opportunity, and rights, because they'll have a husband and a family, and that's all that any woman needs!!"

When you say you'd pick the bear over the man or a group of men is a threat, you are saying you'd pick the bear over a Black man and a group of Black men are a threat. It's not changing anything or flipping the genders. All Black men are men. If it sounds racist now, that's because it's always been racist and you didn't realize the implication.

Sure you could freely use your free speech to freely say, "A group of White men are a threat" or "I'd pick a Black man over a bear but a bear over a White man." But you and I and everyone else all know exactly how that sounds. And it's still racist because why do you always think only of White men when you're thinking about an abstract hypothetical man?