pussy understander so they call me cliterate

u know what my goal is to eat pastries in different countries

letting my nephew play with my crossbow unattended in another room & all of a sudden i hear a crack & the sound of his phase transition cutscene muffled through the drywall

when it wasn't meant to be 🤣🤣 but the potential of possibility still plagues you 🤔

i hate when things aren’t my business #whatisgoingon #dontleavemehanging #tellmesomethingplease

I'm sorry for doing that bank heist, your honour. It's just that, like, once you get to be around 30, it just seems to become impossible to get all your buddies together for some fun times, and sometimes you just get wrapped up in the magic of spending time with friends, and, well, one thing leads to another.

Genuinely hysterical that they’re pretending Mitch McConnell isn’t sitting next to Charlie Kirk in hell right now but announced Lindsey Graham’s death at 2am like fuck it