i was born inside an airpod case 3 minutes ago your honor and i love abortion

If you break our long term mutual just softblock me because I’ll keep liking your posts and commenting thinking our love is timeless without even knowing any better. Don’t ever humiliate me like that I’d honestly rather you just kill me tbh

Question: how long does a stick of deodorant last you?

Usually only 3 or 4 bites.

Why do I even bother

*does the sign of the cross with the limpest wrist imaginable*

i love deleting apps from my phone like you mean nothing to me. goodbye

I traded your Playstation 5- or whatever you call that beastly machine- for a hearty cup of lentil soup. Now come, eat!

tbh if someone just handed me a pressure washer and set me loose in the streets i would go into a trance and just start hosing shit down indiscriminately. it's not a question of how much i could clean, but how long until i get hit by a car and die

This is my absolute favorite post ever i even saved the image on my laptop under the name of “and me” in a special folder with nothing but this image