im a goblin dipthotocus

You and pineapples huh

Jesus didnt know shit about spagetty

There’s a large vehicle that occasionally drives past my house that just makes noise. I honestly think it was designed to make noise and do nothing else.

So the vehicle version of you?

I am not as big

Bro is petite

I am not 4 tons

Not yet ma peche

You read stories about people being unable to accept ageing and crashing out by buying sports cars or pushing themselves too far athletically or whatever but my Refusal To Accept Ageing sticking point is that I just can't accept that I don't like sugar and junk food very much any more. I ate two chocolate muffins this morning and that was 1.75 muffins too many. I'm like "nooo I love sweet desserts I remember being super into sweet desserts" and the memories are from when I was like twelve. I like chicken salad now. I like carrot sticks. I eat carrot sticks and think "wow I'm really indulging today, carrots are one of the more sugary vegetables" and remind myself to make cucumber sticks next time. I bought a capsicum yesterday so that tonight I can eat plain white rice with charred capsicum and onion as a topping and I am genuinely looking forward to it. I MIGHT, if I am feeling adventurous, add a fresh tomato from the garden.

"you're so British" might as well be a slur in this context... also, as if a brit could handle eating One (1) capsicum of any variety.

They're kicking me when I'm down :( Already mourning the loss of my sweet tooth and now they're calling me a pom :( :(

"Capsicum" YOU MEAN A FUCKING PEPPER????

Through this I have learned that bell peppers are sometimes called mangos in the Midwest and I no longer care about you referring to them as the genus name because this is so much worse

MANGOS??? THOSE ARE A DIFFERENT THING.

i'm from the midwest- indiana/kentucky border, specifically- and i have never fucking heard a bell pepper/capsicum called a fucking mango. a mango is a sweet and delightful red and green-skinned fruit with a moist and golden interior. a bell pepper is a fucking bell pepper. whoever is calling them mangoes needs to be stopped

also midwestern, i think someone lied on the internet for fun again, cause I've never fucking heard someone confuse those two plants before wtf

This is me but with greasy fast food. I am never happy after I eat a spicy chicken sandwich from Popeyes but I keep ordering them.

He’s mis-quoting 50 cent.

If I’m allowed to desalinate the ocean water I will be fine but boiling gallons of water a day will be annoying.

this is from 2014 why the fuck did i make this. i completely forgot. is anything real