♥ BeefyDaddy 2.0♥

My boss, who is a grown woman with children my age, just whispered, “Oh, this is going to be so fucking efficient,” before spraying Febreze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough her guts out when it blew back in her face.

Your belly button is just your old mouth.

….

I was having a good day.  We were all having a good day.

Bitches wanna buy their boyfriends the latest consoles but when was the last time he CONSOLED you? ps 5 years ago

I tried to resist reblogging this but I failed

st. agatha’s new saint day will be moved to december 17. im the pope and i say so.

This is so dumb i should not be laughing this hard

*walks up to straight couple* which one of you is the bee and which one of you is the fully grown adult woman who left her fiance for the bee?

You. 👏🏻 Are. 👏🏻 Valid. 👏🏻Anon. 👏🏻

Just saw a velociraptor sucking dick on my dash and y'all better appreciate me not making all of you see it too

Where’s the fucking picture, op

You fucking asked for it

For all u mountain climbers out there

*climbs up and takes a few good slurps while i piss on the wall*

You literally did not have to say that

i didn’t

Idk what this is but I’m here for it