I... I don't think the patient's weight got entered correctly. Just a hunch
please, my dog, he is sick
Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard

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I... I don't think the patient's weight got entered correctly. Just a hunch
please, my dog, he is sick
Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard

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did i tell you guys i failed at being sexually harassed at work today?
okay so, guy at work, who i find out afterwards is famous at this place for being a sex pest, comes up and starts with what i also learn is his favorite opener to conversations where heâs going to be a sex pest, namely: âDo you know where the term âblow jobâ comes from?â
and here he made his first fatal error. his moment of hubristic sex pesting. because of course i know where the term blow job comes from, i love learning about sex and the history of sexual terms! i know so much about oral sex that i could write a book on it!
𫵠HEROES in the tags
ok this looks ultra mega based, are you kidding me? can you imagine the bullshit i could get up to with this bad boy? fuck yes i want ten
Wait are iPhone bros coping because Apple has to be more universal? Lol.
Boo hoo i'll be able to add more physical storage to my phone and be able to change out batteries if they degrade as well as all these other optional features I won't have to touch
Continuing in the trend of political cartoons depicting milquetoast moderate positions seem so much cooler and more badass than they are
I love how they add totally absurd things no one is asking for to make the idea look crazy. And still, I must emphasize, failing to make this look like a bad idea.
"Is this what you want? Is this ugly stupid bullcrap what you want??" the biggest loudest idiot in the room asks, holding up a picture of the hottest looking shit I've ever seen
This crumbling America economy can't even support a decent kidnapping kink. I chat this vulnerable prey girl up, tell her I'm gonna stalk and kidnap her and then chain her to.... what? My particle board dresser? My fucking flat pack bedframe? "Your radiator, obviously." IN AN APARTMENT??? FUCK YOUUUUUUU

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Congratulations on the cat
The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.
Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.
So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.
Bears. Theyâre everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.
oh shit
As the OP of this post, Iâm going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.
At time of posting, this is at 711.6k notes
29 Days Remain
Only 12 days left.
Itâs Saturday, May 30, 3:18 PM EDT
The note count as of 3:12 PM EDT was 742.4K.
Weâre almost 258,000 notes short of the Committment To The Bit Tumblr Curse goal, or what I am choosing to call:
The Bear Nessiecity
You know what to do.
Theyâre passive aggressively cleaning each others faces in the banana bed rn
peace and love on planet earthâŚ.

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can you put that thing on a leash?
that post about âyou get bandits when you cut soldiers loose without payâ reminds me of the Thirty Years War, because one could say that beneath all the religious schisms and diplomatic jockeying, the heart of the thirty years war was âwhat happens when you have a state with just enough capacity to raise massive armies but without enough financial capacity to actually pay those armiesâ and the answer is that the line between professional armies and roving gangs of bandits disappears and every time you try to raise an army it just becomes another independently acting wildfire devouring the countryside. No matter how bad things get, every day I wake up and thank my lucky stars that I do not live in 17th century Europe. Or 17th century China. Or the 17th century Americas. Or basically anywhere in the 17th century.
One of my favorite little anecdotes about ancient mercenaries is that it was tradition for most of history to give your mercenaries two wages- "Bread" and "Gravy." Both were set at a daily value, but where "Bread" was intended to cover regular maintenance and life stuff and therefore paid out frequently (Here's your week's meal and gear repair budget!) the "Gravy" wage was paid out exclusively at the end of the contract as one lump sum. So like, your gravy wage and bread wage might be one silver coin per day each, so you're getting a handful of coins every week to cover food, and then at the end of an 800 day campaign, you get a wheelbarrow with 800 coins.
Employers liked offering this structure because then they didn't have to like, try to guess how long the invasion of spain will take and then carry 800 coins per soldier around the battlefield where it could be captured. It also gives them the chance to budget around the assumption that they take an enemy city and *find* vast sums of treasure even if they don't have the full value at the beginning of the war.
The main flaw of this system is that it's very easy to end up in a scenario where if you have, say, 50,000 guys that have been fighting for 800 days, you now owe 40 million silver to your army, and if the budget has not worked out to a 40 million surplus, you literally can't afford to end the war, but you can probably afford to pay them for a couple more weeks. So then you have to start thinking creatively.
Anyway across all time and history a lot of generals were ultimately beaten to death by men chanting gravy.
can I get a source on the use of that term, bread and gravy wages?
I assume that's a more modern historian coming up with a clever characterization of army pay, but all I've been able to find is either sites talking about modern fast food wages or else a thousand articles about "why ancient roman soldiers were paid in salt"
if it is a historian's invention I think I wanna read what else this person has to say
Don't know what @probabilitydirigible 's source was, but Bret Devereaux was writing about this subject recently, and mentioned the Classical sources calling them ĎÎŻĎÎżĎ (bread) and á˝ĎĎνΚον (sauce).
(I had a brief moment of recognition reading that, because "opsonins" in immunology are a category of proteins that stick to foreign objects and make them tasty to your immune cells.)
This week weâre going to take a look at mercenaries in the ancient Mediterranean world! This was one of the runners-up in the latest ACOUP S
I'm perfectly fine with people criticizing my favorite stories and frequently do it myself but can you stop being so boring about it
"This scene made me so uncomfortable" given the subject matter, it would be really, really badly written if it wasn't.
"The writing in Borderlands is cringe" - pedestrian. Boring. Uninspired.
"The writing in Borderlands is cringe because it refuses to commit to the bit" - now we're getting somewhere
"The writing in Borderlands is cringe because it's desperately afraid of standing for something" - YESSSSS. ROAST MY FAVOURITE SERIES MORE, LITTLE MAN
I'll say it again, a loading screen tip in Borderlands 3 has a dumb joke that goes something like "Maliwan guns have a bonus 'cool' stat, but it's not visible because you aren't cool if you have to say you're cool." This is advice that the game pointedly fails to take because Borderlands 3, at all times, feels like it's screaming "I'm so cool aren't I cool don't you think I'm cool?" Which is really the least of the game's issues in how it portrays itself.
It's one of many reasons that workers tell Polygon they are eager to unionize.
Employees and developers working on Magic: The Gathering Arena say they were hired with promises of remote flexibility, so they bought homes and built lives around those assurances. But they say they are now being told they may need to relocate to Washington state â or effectively lose their jobs.
Those concerns are a major reason why a supermajority of workers on the Arena team are attempting to unionize with the Communications Workers of America, under the banner United Wizards of the Coast. The group publicly launched its campaign on April 27, calling on Wizards of the Coast and parent company Hasbro to voluntarily recognize the union by May 1.
These employees are doing important and laudable work in response to being forced into a bad situation but Iâm glad they still took the opportunity to call themselves âUnited Wizardsâ
WotC has still refused to recognize the union and has escalated to sending organizers letters directly to their homes about how unionizing is a bad idea. Luckily, our United Wizards are educated, organized, and agitated and the form letter from Hasbro was as laughable as it was threatening.
If you want to help out the United Wizards you can sign this petition
cwa.org/uwotcletter
Solidarity baby!

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Dangers of working on a set.
Thatâs what I said.
Okay but you forgot the best part! During the scene where Aragorn, Gandalf and the other Main CharaktersTM ride ahead to go shout at the gate (and talk to the mouth of sauron in the extended edition) they were very firmly told only to ride up ahead âthis farâ because that area was cleared and beyond that it wasnât.
But. Viggo Mortensen is absolutely mad and lead them justâŚ. a bit farther than that. Everyone else was very scared they might blow up any second. Viggo said it âadded a little extra tensionâ.
#they just donât make behind the scenes stories like lotr anymore
Viggo was just Like That⢠for the whole trilogy, taking method acting to extreme levels:
he would spend multiple days walking overland to locations in full pack, sword, & armour when everyone else was travelling in trucks
refused to use any prop swords that werenât actual steel
basically lived in the forest in-costume, sleeping rough under the sky, even fishing & foraging for his food when possible
often spent hours in the barn just bonding with the horses. He adopted the horse he rode, Uranus, after filming ended
repaired all his own gear by hand, which was often since he never took it off
had a tooth knocked out during filming but had the crew simply glue it back in place so they could keep filming
the instructor who taught everyone swordplay said Viggo was the best swordsman he had ever trained
carried his sword literally everywhere & practiced non-stop, resulting in the cops being called when locals reported âa wild man swinging a sword around his head" outside a gym in Wellington
an orc actor fucked up & accidentally threw a dagger directly into Viggoâs face, but Viggo just deflected it with his sword. They kept that shot
infamously broke 3 toes kicking that helmet but stayed in-character & sold his very real scream as part of the scene. They also kept that shot
Viggo insists on doing his own stunts; in The Two Towers where Aragorn is unconscious & floating down the river, the strong current pulled him underwater for so long that a rescue team had to go in to save him. Viggo survived by grabbing a boulder on the riverbed and pulling himself to the surface
Itâs probably more accurate to say that Aragorn played Viggo Mortensen in the off season, so Iâm 100% unsurprised to hear he put a whole crowd of fellow actors in genuine mortal peril for a 12% increase in authenticity