my own petard

monster needs to release a "smol bean" flavor. that tastes like pure cinnamon roll

monster needs to release a heckin pupper flavor that tastes like wet dog

monster needs to stop these two before their dark work is complete

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

sometimes a buttery toast can heal you in ways years of therapy never could

mature content warnings on text posts of nothing but letters on a screen. . . remember when you were allowed to post like an adult and not be shamed or silenced for it

They hate me for being a horny pervert but I have warriors defending my honour across the globe

controversial stance but i do wish i could live forever. i certainly live like i'm going to live forever. i take my time. realistically however my lifespan is dreadfully limited and there are things i've "been meaning to do" that i will never get around to. the Emoji Movie came out almost 10 years ago. in all that time on any random day i could've decided to sit down and watch it, and i did not. how many more decades will slip by like this? conceivably, it could be all the decades i have left. watching the Emoji Movie would not be, after all, a crucial use of my time. much better things to do. i could easily postpone it over and over and over until my final breath where it may not even register to me that i never did watch the Emoji Movie. no great loss, certainly; and yet i find myself intrigued by Patrick Stewart's involvement

i think we are long overdue for a game that does the reverse of 90s first person shooters and actively makes fun of the player for picking the hard difficulty

The secret to happiness is thickly sliced homemade bread if you even care

How do you go through all the effort of setting up a sous vide to do this????

never tell me that magic isnt real ever again when this is clear evidence of a person transmogrifing Meat into Wood

i can transmogrify meat into wood by lookin at pictures of titties if ya get what im sayin

hey, we all love tiddies here but this person has perpetrated a crime against nature and we need you stay focused

The children's show villain is a figure who sadly is not seen outside the children's show. There are few stock characters who as succinctly declare, from sheer stage presence, "the world is unloveable and it is painful to live here; that which delights mankind is like ash on my tongue" without being too fucking whiny about it.