let me take you dancing, two step to the bedroom

...okay, it might be my rejected trick or treating candy. but one hot blonde babe's trash is another man's treasure! my mom taught me that.

That makes sense now. Your mom sounds like a smart lady, even if she's the reason I'm getting four almond joys from you.

I don't know how I feel about Scandals, but I would love to join you for the earlier portion of the festivities. I will even buy you a few birthday shots. It's been a while since I've seen everyone in person. How have you been?

You don't know what you're missing out on but sure, sounds good. It'll be nice to see everyone and not just from behind their Insta feeds. A few birthday shots sounds dangerous but I won't say no to that. Tequila is my favorite, for what it's worth.

happy birthday, jake. i hope it's been a good year for you.

Thanks Marley, you too. How are you finding being back in Lima?

it can be, but at least it's fulfilling. sexy elf, huh? wouldn't have pictured that to be your vibe, but i guess i can see it. is this for tips, or simply for the sake of spreading a little christmas cheer?

I mean it's not the elf part, it's more the sexy people getting dressed up and letting loose of it all. Cheer, legs, cheeks, whatever way you want to put it I guess.

Hell yeah dude. If everybody buys a shot, that'd be like... a lot of shots and no memories probably.

That depends on how many people show up - but no memory nights are often the best ones. If they're not then at least you won't remember them anyway.

you had me at dancing.

That is very... specific. You don't have to get me anything though, just bring yourself. It's been a while since I danced with anyone that could keep up with me so it should be fun.

perfect! one vote for a reservation, noted. you wouldn't even trust my cooking? or kurt's? well... the stale breadsticks and not-even-mediocre pasta are what's wrong with breadstix, and that's only the tip of the iceberg. i've sworn to never eat there again, so please don't make me give up on that promise.

I mean... not really, no offence. You guys have a baby and everything is sticky and gross. That's true, though the nostalgia bumps it up a few points in my book. I had many first kisses in the booths at the back. It was a Puckerman date night classic. Okay fine, I won't make you go but the other choices in this town aren't much better.

Don't say it in that way - you have the studio, I figured you wouldn't have been free, but be my guest and surprise me Jake. I swear it feels like i stepped into the twilight zone or something.

I know I have the studio, I didn't- never mind. Yeah well some things never change, coming back must be like whiplash for you though with everything else you got going on.

exactly, little puckerman. exaaaaactly. if they're going to have ads, they need to not be fucking asinine, and who better to judge than the ultimate judgmental bitch?

Hey, at least you're self-aware. Maybe you should contact their marketing team and let them know you're available.

attempting to relax, but i'm still stuck in the go-go-go mode that comes with nyc, especially now that i have to balance work and parenting. might need to start the eggnog drinking a bit early. what about you? any plans for the holiday season?

Sounds exhausting to me, I don't blame you for hitting the 'nog early. No not really. Maybe go to a few parties and see if I can't pick up a sexy elf or two, people love a costume around the holidays.

📲 puck ⇄ jake

📲 sebastian ⇄ jake

hilarious. moving on. how've you been, jake?

I thought so. Yeah I'm fine, just living my Lima best life. What about you?

do any of you happen to be free sometime this week to help with taste testing some of my dishes for thanksgiving? i'm doing a trial run on a few new things, and i'm in need of some... less refined palates, seeing as i'll be feeding mouths that are more accustomed to ohio's offerings in the culinary department. i don't always agree with the choices of today's youth, but they were pretty spot on when they made this state into an internet joke. ...is that still a thing, by the way?

Funny, I thought you'd be used to having less refined things in your mouth.

Should have just called you to pick me up then. Normally i do, or I get ubers, but being home.. i guess i wanted to take a step back. hmm yes it does count, Jake.

Right, because I've got nothing else to do with my time. Well welcome back, everything's pretty much the same as when you left. Lima's Lima, you know?

maybe this is a boomer take - and if so...well, actually, i don't care if it is, i'm still right, as always. every other post on tiktok shouldn't be an ad. i'm not going to buy perfume i've never even smelled or a jeffree fucking star approved mascara of all things. i'm just looking for a little entertainment while i wait for my teeth cleaning. stop trying to sell me shit. unless of course, there's a discount on skims...then tiktok is permitted to let me know.

So you're saying TikTok should specifically have a list of ads which are Santana Lopez approved? I can't believe they didn't think of that before.