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Aw this made me happy.
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The cards see all.
Aw this made me happy.

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How to fix a ripped plushie (clear and easy to follow) by 浪浪山陈三丫头手缝师傅
ok thank god there's so many fucking videos showing you how to do a ladder stitch like it's some kind of magic trick but here's the actual use case for it: closing a seam you can't reach the inside of. in all other cases, if you're fixing a ripped seam on pants, or on a tshirt, the ladder stitch is a messy, glorified running stitch.
Essential plush making technique, this one! Very good video, a lot of tutorials are kinda hard to parse for me.
The problem with having a child with an attorney that has spoken to the child like an adult since birth is that she's 4 years old and she's negotiating the order in which we're going to complete tasks as a family to best suit her idea of an ideal day.
Penny: We go home, we play the mirror game, we have dessert, we play more games, we have fun deal?
Me: Okay well actually we're going to go home, have dinner, then dessert, then we can play your video game, then tubby then bed
Penny: Okay no tubby, games first, deal?
Me: This is not - what is happening right now?
Penny: Dada?
Dada: Arbitration?
Penny: DEALS!
Every single thing in our lives has become a negotiation and it is frankly ridiculous as it is hilarious.
Penny: I want to use bare foot when we go outside
Me: I didn't know we were going outside but you have to wear shoes girl
Penny: okay but what about I use bare foot's but at Penny's house? This deal?
Me: you know what yeah fine if you agree to not fight about shoes when we leave the house you can be barefoot in the back yard, deal.
Penny: -sticks her hand out expectantly- we deal?
I think I just made a verbal contract with a 4 year old.
She's attempting to establish evidence I think
Penny: but I want to go shool pwease
Dada: okay well it is 8pm, so you have to go to sleep now
Penny: okay but I see my fwiends at shool now please, deal?
Dada: Darling no one is at school, all your friends are asleep as well.
Penny: all Penny's fwiends are sweep? What about we... get in Dadas car and check to see watch them sweep, yes deal?
Dada: I cannot begin to explain to you why that can not happen
The great thing about being beholden to Penny the Deals Warlock is that she is also beholden to the art of the deal
Me: (watching Penny scoot her step stool over to where we keep the candy jar): hey honey we're literally walking out the door to go get dinner, maybe we wait on the candy okay?
Penny: Oh but I will have some candy?
Me: Why don't you come have some mac and cheese and then when we get home you can have some candy, deal?
Penny: (running out the door) oh, yes this is deals!
We are visiting my family and Papa has quickly had to pay patronage to Penny the Deals Warlock
Papa: (yesterday morning, when Penny was a little grumpy) What about you come downstairs and we'll have some waffles and then tomorrow Papa will take you to the Diner in town for breakfast?
Penny: (extending her tiny hand to a VERY confused man) this is deal?
Papa: (not knowing hes entering a literal contract) uhm yeah deal.
-smash cut to 6:30 AM this morning-
Penny (running down the hallway in bare feet) 👹BREAKFAST DEALS👹
Penny has a canker sore to end all canker sores, to the point where she hasn't been able to eat so we had to make some deals surrounding getting some medicine on it because a hungry Penny Rose is like a angry demon queen
Me: Okay baby this is going to suck. This is going to hurt real bad for a second and then it's going to feel weird and then it's going to feel good. You're going to hate it. But if you let Mama get these three medicines in and on you [Listerine, Antacid, Tylenol] you can scream it out and then we'll go get some ice cream! Deal?
Penny: (obviously not thrilled with this idea) okay, three big shreams, three medicines, ice cream ... it will suck... ice cream ... deal. (Sticks out hand and we shake on it)
Me: okay let's do this I'm so sorry (starts the process)
Penny: ( In between her big screams ) IM GONNA GET LOTS OF FRINKLES
My husband is trying to make a deal with Penny to get upstairs and get in the bath tub
Penny: I will go upstairs and get my body clean but you hafta titch me, deal?
Dada: I would love to make this deal with you kid but I literally have no idea what you are saying- I don't know what the terms are, you're speaking a language I don't speak
Penny: you have to titch me like mama does okay DEAL!? (Sticks tiny hand out aggressively)
Dada: (looks at me bewildered for help)
Me: ( starts making a quick tick tick tick sound imitating a stop watch like I'm timing her, while penny jumps around yelling YES TITCH ME LIKE THAT)
Dada: In what world was I ever going to figure that out, thank you for acting as our legal interpreter yes deal let's go!
and off she sprints.
Penny does not want to go to bed, but man is it time for her to go to bed
Penny: But I don't want to be sleeping, I want to stay up now! I want to see Grampy and Cozy and Guppie and Papa!
Mama: What if we video call all the grands and say good night to everyone? If we do that will you then go to bed no fussing?
Penny: Oh yes, this is deals! -sticks her hand out to shake-
** we make the rounds and video call all her grandparents, they are all already in bed and say good night and penny hangs up the last video call and toddles into bed with minimal fussing **
Penny : (after a few minutes of silence, over the video monitor, to herself in her dark bedroom) I hafta respect da deals.
Every morning Penny wakes up, and she asks if we have decorated her house with "Halloween every where" and every morning I have had to tell her not yet baby but soon. This last morning Penny had to go to pre k a little earlier then she is used to cause Daddy had court and I had a dentist appointment, which made her a little bummed out... or so I thought
Me: Hey baby do you want to make a deal about school?
Penny: (immediately sticks out her hand, literally no hesitation, her entire demeanor changing in an instant) yes let's deals, I will be big and brave and go to school no fussing, and you will put Halloween every where all over my house, okay this is deals Mama??
I think I just got hustled by a 4 year old...
A tangentially related update :
Penny: (is doing some strange interpretive dance to let us know she's not a fan of the cup we've chosen to put her juice in, mind you this is the only clean cup at this moment. She is hopping up and down, and swinging her arm like an elephant trunk, she is pirouetting, her hands are on her hips. Shes is completely silent)
Husband: (exasperated) okay but DID you make a deal with SOMETHING while you were pregnant ? It's the only explanation I can come up with.
sometimes people will ask me if penny is still making deals and here is an update for you to let you know:
Husband: okay, you can not leave your room until someone comes and gets you okay? You're getting up way too early and we're guests in Papa and Guppies house so you stay and play in your room and someone will come get you when you can come out of your room tomorrow morning, deal?
Penny: (hand extended, plotting) deal
-smash cut to the next morning, penny is NOT in her room at the allotted 7:30 AM retrieve Penny Rose Time, we find her in bed cuddled up with my mom and dad watching a movie-
Penny: (hands out in a "calm down" gesture) LISTEN LISTEN I DIDNT LEAVE! I DIDNT- I didn't break da deals! I just knocked on the door until Papa came and got me.
Papa: (laughing hysterically) WELL DONT SNITCH!
Penny: I DIDNT DO NOTHING I KEPT MY DEALS! YOU JUS SAID SOMEONE HAD TO COME GET ME! PAPA COME GET ME!
(so we have to be insanely detailed in our deals because she did knock on her bed room door and yell PAPA! PAPA! PAPA! At 4:30 in the morning until my dad came and got her and you know what that's on us 🤣)
Yes she's still at it folks
Penny: can we watch a Pokémon?
Me: I'll make a deal with you?
Penny: -sits down at the dining room table like she's on literal trial- Listening
Me: if you can do bath time and get around for bed with literally NO FUSSING you and I can watch ONE POKÉMON in mama and dadas bed before you go to bed! IF I HEAR ONE BIT OF FUSSING POKÉMON IS OFF THE TABLE!
Penny: -folding her hands ready to counter, speaking to me like I'm losing my faculties- uhm, no deal Mama, I want Pokémon on the TV not on the table.
Me: -trying not to die- that's ...no I just mean the deal is if you fuss at all there will be NO POKÉMON TONIGHT
Penny: oh! Yes! This is deals!
Yeah, yeah, now let the lesbians have their moment, they finally can fuck
I took him for granted bruh the way my gears have been running hot thinking about his character since the ep aired

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Something about bees
THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN
I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS FOR SEVEN YEARS
DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO ?????
That last fatal scream tho
THE TERROR IN HIS SCREAM OH GOSH
i’m crying
I will always reblog this on the off chance some other poor soul has been searching for it
IT’S BACK
HOYL SHIT ITS B A CK
IT’S BACK?? ON MY DASH?
re-blogging again xD
what was that we were just saying about still having posts circulating from ridiculous numbers of years ago? 😂
I feel like it’s a duty to reblog such a natural treasure
All those accounts though….
The road to the childrens’ hospital
@swedishfalcon-actual
I hope this joke outlives the context that made it, leaving future generations baffled.
The silly AI who ruined it all.
the wacky one
the oblivious one
the one who was left behind
How often do you think tieflings get their horns grabbed in battle
Because like nobody actually uses horned helmets irl exactly because they give your enemy a convenient handle to pull you to the ground with but tieflings have that problem built into their heads.
Every single one of these people has convenient built in handles for a sufficiently strong barbarian to grab and use to swing them into the sun like team rocket.
How to fight a tiefling or most other beings with hellish ancestry:
Step 1: Grab horns
Step 2: Start pulling.
Stop making this about sex. I wanna beat a guy to death with another guy.

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chilchuck going "sorry leave me outta this one. i cant fight" but then hitting literally every precise shot with an arrow or projectile he ever made in the story INCLUDING PIERCING A RED DRAGONS EYE BY THROWING A KNIFE WHILE LEAPING AWAY my bro is a rogue with dex 20 and wants no one to know biggest liar in history
As a fellow union man i can relate - you do not let your employer know you can do anything you don't want to become your job
Smoking as a teen can permanently stunt your lungs. #FailByCigs
I want the hot furry wolf bad boy to raw me
you stop that.
This is a free website
We pay in other ways.
Couldn't stop thinking about that tweet, I love the idea of a god promoting his faith.
it is so fucking sad to find a cool fanartist on here and then see that their last post was from like 2018 and they were announcing that they were moving to Twitter.
It's like being a space colonist and finding a little abandoned space cottage and there's a diary in it and the last entry is like "i have now gone to seek a better life on [name of planet that got overtaken by axe-wielding octopi that feed on human blood]"

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rate my chestnut man
felt compelled
TADC ep 8 spoilers
Wyd when you kill your ai son on accident