gianother blog

i just feel like there's absolutely NOTHING i can do. there's so much going on, and i feel useless. i literally just work all the time, while they go through so much alone. what will this lonliness cause? a rift, hatred, disgust, or even worse, we just grow apart. what if i'm not there enough and they see that. what if they find someone who can be there for them fully and that works better for them? im just so lost in what to do or how to do it. my heart hurts, BAD. i truly fear whats to come because no one ever truly knows do they? i think i just truly fear, i won't be enough. how could i be when i have no understanding of what they're going through and im never there? it's almost inevitable that i won't be enough just because of the circumstances, right? that has to be right, how can i be there for someone who isn't the most stable, and neither am i when it comes to availability. i guess i just wonder how you do it all, keep yourself good, your partner good, and stay happy. how do you do that? if anyone knows, please tell me. i want that life hack. im about 2 1/2 things away from putting in some cheats in my code to help me level up🤣 totally joking just had to lighten the mood of the post

i just feel like i can't do shit to help at all. i keep trying and trying and trying and somehow keep digging a hole for myself. i feel like shit because i all i want so badly is just to help and im just useless. i try to offer support and fuck that up, i try to make it comfortable and fuck that up. support, emotionally and physically, is literally all i can do and im not even doing that right.

i honestly don't know what to think about anything anymore. they done got my girl for some shit she really ain't do. it ain't none of that oh my homie would neva do that nah man this bitch ain't like that at all it just pisses me off so much and i hurt so bad for her because her life is ruined and her father is gone all for shit she really really ain't do. fuck all that shit man free you till i see you homie. you gone be home soon.

i’ll be buying a xbox one within the next month✨ just speaking it into existence🤩 i think i want my shot at streaming on twitch. i don’t really hope to accomplish anything, just wanna say i did it ya know

in regards to the timeline of my last post, there was tons of things that i needed to do within those extra 2 nights they stayed. today i tried to go and do one of those things and i wasn’t able to because they were too busy. which is normal for a sunday, and why i don’t typically go on sundays. not being able to do this today actually affected my whole day. it’s quite frustrating because i was really looking forward to the day planned ahead. i actually know for a fact it just pissed me off the most because we don’t ask for the car too often and the times we need it, to actually get shit done, they mysteriously leave for a few days or we can’t use it. and all they do is go to walmart (ride around in carts), go eat, go to lowes (ride around in carts), and then go eat again. we have to rearrange all the shit we actually need to do, that they’re on our asses about i might add, just for them to do whatever tf they wanna do. and yeah they pay the bills and all this shit, blah blah blah but they also chose to fucking do this and said it was fine if we didn’t pay anything. so who’s really in the wrong?!?

this most definitely an anyting blog not just another blog.. but as a flaw of human design i feel as though i need to make a more uplifting post versus my last two ranting ones. honestly, i had some GREAT realizations the other night, at my fiances sleep expense lol, but nonetheless great realizations. i figured out some traumas that have been holding me back and causing much turmoil to my everday life.. since having these realizations ive honestly made a complete 180... okay little short story i honestly dont understand why people say they've made a 360 on their lives.. doesn't that mean they are back where they started????? i don't know thats just me.. so know you all know why i say 180 and not 360.. okay short story over. anyways the amount of progress i've made since sunday night is honestly amazing. i feel better than ever and like im actually supposed to be here. i haven't felt like that in LONGGGGG time so it just feels truly magical to feel like that again

oh yeah, i also think my sisters boyfriend may have a small crush on my fiance... theres lots of factors as to why i think this. im not scared or jealous or anything as were a lesbian couple but he is poly and has said numerous times how he can't help who he's attracted to. i just don't want no beef bro... cuz i don't neccessarily like that he will give my fiance hugs or that he stated out loud he hardly ever uses facebook and barely added my sister yesterday but added my fiance today but did NOT add me.. hmmmm seems sus to me... am i wrong?

man, i don't know whats really going on but for some reason my sister is in a relally bad mood and taking it out on everyone... its really fucking annoying to be compltely honest. i dont have time to be talked to like a child and its just so frustrating because the attitude was over simple shit and over stuff she normally wouldn't act like that about. i just needed to vent about this i guess because she just got me fucked up

honestly, i've never done a blog before. it's really an exciting first tho. i'm just here creating a safe space for any and all posts. good, bad, funny, and sad. after all its not just another blog. i'm truly excited to see what types of things will be posted here.