#fearful

Colored commission for Felix, featuring him in the middle, his striped hyena Roman on the left, and his friend Kinao lounging in the back. :3 Nothing like a nice day on the lake! ... Or slightly above it I guess?

for the people without tiktok here’s the kai bonus chapter in fearful! i’ll put the typed version below the cut for people that would rather read it

ty @letmeliveinelfhame and @nonerrata-myarchives for providing me w these MWAH!!!

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Wait now hold up. You're telling me that both Paedyn and Kitt, light haired depressed idiots, we pining over two dark haired baddies (Kai and Mara) during the ENTIRE duration of their engagement while also desperately wishing back their dark haired bffs (Adena and Kai)?????

No fucking DNA test provided these two are as siblings as can be!

Something I'd like to discuss surrounding being avoidant is the inner motivations, thoughts and feelings and how they're easily misinterpreted by others, because on the outside they look the same.

I see a lot of posts saying that avoidants do want love but are panicked by it. And whilst this is true for fearful avoidants, it isn't usually for dismissives.

Fearful avoidants generally do, on a level usually known to themselves, seek out comfort, love and vulnerability. They want to be seen and cared for, but they're avoidant because when they do recieve these things, they either become very panicked or are disgusted by it (which is a demonstration of a spectrum, a fearful avoidant who is disgusted may have dismissive traits), so they aren't comfortable in either variable; being alone or in being seen. Both are unpleasant.

Dismissives tend to have it easier emotionally. They very very rarely want vulnerability and care to be exercised, and when they do it's often a subconscious human need, not one they will be aware of; suppressed. When dismissive avoidants are put in situations that they percieve as emotionally vulnerable, they will usually shut down and become numb, angry or, well, dismissive. Including towards other people's vulnerability and struggles, as they often process it as manipulative or too dependent. Dismissives, unlike fearfuls, will barely ever seek out vulnerability except on a surface level, which is why they often end up in situationships and love bombing cycles (both as the perpetrator and the victim). They are very comfortable in being alone and whilst they may occassionally think "having x would be nice", it's never preferable or equal to the safety of isolation and emotional distance.

Having an avoidant attachment style is a spectrum. You won't always fit clearly into dismissive or fearful, you may be mostly dismissive but have moments of fearful and so on, but patterns and distinctions do emerge.

Most dismissive avoidants would hate to be mistaken as fearful, as that would imply they have a secret vulnerability and risk people pushing this on them in order to help. And most fearful avoidants would hate to be mistaken as dismissive, because they crave connection and understanding and if people were to assume they didn't want those things, it would simply be another form of going unseen.

I'm a dismissive avoidant, possibly the hardest to romanticise. Its a lot easier for securely and anxiously attached people to imagine that I'm fearful, that I do want to be vulnerable and emotional but am too scared to do it. Because that makes it easier to explain as a struggle, and less relational to them. I imagine its quite painful and difficult to come to terms with the idea that I am simply more comfortable on my own than with others, as inhuman as that is. This is why I see very little content on the dismissive avoidant attachment style, and what I do see is demonised or lumped in with/mistaken for fearful.

Whumptober Day 30: Unreality

Paedyn version

Kai version

Kitt version