Here are links to the Tumblr versions of the things I made. Limericks, other poetry, fic rec posts, podfics, etc.
(Latest update May 7, 2026)
The Limericks
Random Limericks, Bereft of Homes
2024, 2025
2026 The Peace of Poultry (Jan 14)
Collections
2024 May Prompts 2024 - Pride Month Sherlock & Co Prompt Fest! - Little Supermarket Bottles of Wine - Holidaze 2024
2025 YALC (Yet Another Limerick Collection) for January! - Martha’s Fluff Brew Remixed and Repoured: Magic, Mods, and Making Tea in the Face of Adversity (April 2 - 16) - Johnlock Week 2025 (May 31 - Jun 3) - A Whumpy Flufftober to Us All (Oct 1-31) - All I Want for Rickmas is You (Dec 1-26)
2026
WIP Fluffbruary 2026 Kittencombs - Puffball Attack - Mindful Digestion - Fishing for Kittens - Comfortable Funk
WIP MJN Air Limericks Welcomes You, a Cabin Pressure Challenge
WIP Penguin Pop-ups (Nov 15, 2024 - )
Origin of This Penguin
Storytime
Other Poetry & Stuff
Random Not-Limericks
2024, 2025
2026
Collections
WIP Suspensoria and Other Poems by John H. Watson (Nov 19, 2024 - )
Ode to Your Hands Upon My Waking at 3AM to Hear the Violin
An Ode to Your Orbicularis Oris
Suspensoria
A Lament for Your Stomach
To My Worthy Opponents, the Buttons
Ocular Immolation
An Ode to the Legs Spread All Over Our Couch Right Now
An Ode to His Hair that Beggars Belief It's So Good
Filks/Parodies/Podfics/Art
2024 collection
2025 collection
2026 FTH 2026 Advertisement Post! - Fanart Frenzy 2026 (Jan) - [Podfic] Tea at the End of the World - [Parody] Hey, John
WIP [Podfic] Emperor Tales of the Frozen South (Sep 25, 2025 - )
Introduction Post (Chapters 1-3) - Chapters 1-5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9&10 - Chapters 6-10, 11, and 12 - Chapters 13, 14, and 15 - Chapters 16&17 - Chapters 18&19 (no link) - Chapters 20, 21 &22 - Chapters 23, 24 & 25 - Chapters 21-25 chunked, 28 & 29 - 30 & 31
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Sorcerer’s Stones: 76,944
Chamber of Secrets: 85,141
Prisoner of Azkaban: 107,253
Goblet of Fire: 190,637
Order of the Phoenix: 257,045
Half-Blood Prince: 168,923
Deathly Hallows: 198,227
Word count in the LOTR Series:
The Hobbit: 95,022
Fellowship of the Ring: 177,227
Two Towers: 143,436
Return of the King: 134,462
I’ve read/ am reading fic that are upwards to 150,000 - 200,000. You’re telling me that authors that write for fun are writing a full-length book for the fun of it? They have earned my respect 10 fold.
Young Adult books are roughly 55,000 to 80,000 words. (Younger YA skews shorter.)
Mystery (especially cozy mystery) books tend to be between 65,000 to 80,000 words.
Romance tends to be between 85,000 to 100,000.
Fantasy and sometimes Thrillers tends to go longer; HOWEVER, anything above 120,000 is considered (and this is an official industry term guys) REALLY FUCKING LONG. As in, if someone submitted a 170,000-word book for publication, there is a very good chance they would have to cut 50,000 words or more before it would be published. I’ve worked for publishers where anything over 120,000 was an automatic rejection.
(Note: this is depending on a lot of different factors. Notice how Rowling’s books got suddenly longer–that’s because her name got big enough that she could sell those huge monsters. Most young authors don’t have the benefit of the doubt there.) (And of course there are always exceptions. This is strictly average industry accepted norms. Like seriously, if you’re trying to get published, learn the average length of books in your genre, because it is a barrier to publication if you’re significantly too short or too long.)
So if you are reading a 200,000 word fanfiction, you are not reading a full-length book someone wrote for the fun of it. You are reading TWO FULL-LENGTH BOOKS someone wrote for the fun of it.
PS: While I’m dropping numbers, here’s another. The average chapter length tends to be 3,000 to 4,500 words. So if your fic is 4,000 words, hey–you wrote a whole chapter!
Part 2! For every $500 mark we hit on our Season 3 crowdfund, I will share a snippet of one of the S3 scripts on this thread with absolutely zero context. Check out the first set HERE.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Because he’s their Cupid, you know,
There was only one way to go.
Mike certainly laughed
When choosing the shaft
And wrapping it up with a bow.
'Tis a Gift is on AO3.
I wonder if you think you know
What gift that could be? Well, if so,
Please share it with me
And fill me with glee
By putting your guess down below.
'Til over this riddle you've toiled
And it's dastardly tricks you have foiled,
You might not want to read
Others' comments, indeed,
If you don't want your guessing game spoiled.
As for me, well I do not intend
To reveal all the gifts 'til the end
Of chap thirty-one;
When the whole fic is done
I will give you the answers, my friend.
I know I’m a loyal person. At least toward people who deserve my loyalty. After our first meeting in the lab at Barts, I didn’t consider that I’d be so committed to Sherlock as I became. Not to this extent. It frightens me sometimes, to be honest.
“You are quite loyal very fast,” Mycroft remarked when we first met. (When he abducted me, to be correct)
I puzzled him, and very few people were able to do that. Anyway, I passed the test and was “allowed” to move into 221B Baker Street.
God, I was so pissed off with him.
He was not the only one who irritated me, but he was Sherlock’s family, so mostly I let it slide.
When Sherlock brought me along to our first crime scene together, I was too stunned to speak my mind to the other yarders. Sherlock’s intellect had already amazed me profoundly, but when he listed all the things he observed from the pink clad woman on the floor, I was blown away, and there was no force in the world that could’ve silenced my praise.
“You know you are saying that out loud, yes?” he asked when I’d uttered the second ‘fantastic’.
I blushed and excused my behaviour; after all, we were standing around a murdered person. He brushed it away and said it was fine. It was evident that he’d never heard the words before. Not directed at him, at least, which I found incredibly sad.
So, when Sergeant Donovan warned me about him afterwards and referred to him as The Freak once more, I made up my mind.
***
As a doctor, I never believed in the label Sherlock put on himself as a sociopath. Granted, I am no psychiatrist, but I know he has empathy for (a few) people around him. Mrs Hudson is a good example.
When I first met her, she opened her arms to Sherlock, and he willingly hugged her as if she was a beloved family member. There was nothing artificial about it. It was genuine affection.
That said, he drove her mad fairly often, but the few details they both let slip about her past, told me that she was used to all sorts of ruckus and shenanigans. She needed excitement in her life just as much as we did.
Angelo is another one of Sherlock’s devoted fans, and Sherlock tolerates the gushing, and the teddy bear hugs admirably. It’s easy to discern that he feels relaxed in the Italian’s company, and his mask of indifference vanishes completely. I find it utterly fascinating to watch.
***
I was much more prepared at the next crime scene some weeks later.
Sherlock found nearly half a dozen clues in under one minute that had escaped the police. Both Anderson and Donovan mocked him and told everyone willing to listen that he made it all up to sound interesting. He didn’t bother to reply but kept the deductions coming. Luckily, Lestrade took notes and told the others to keep their mouth shut. They didn’t.
I decided to intervene and took a step toward them both, crowding them so they had to step back a few feet.
“What the hell?” they asked in unison.
I lowered my voice, which I knew was far more effective than yelling. By this point, my subordinates from the army would’ve realised that the best way forward was to keep mum and agree to everything I told them. Of course, Anderson and Donovan weren’t that clever. They both perceived me as non-threatening, a lap dog. Big mistake.
“If you two continue to call Sherlock Freak and to ridicule his deductions, you’d better watch your backs. The ice under your feet is about to crack real soon if this doesn’t stop.”
“Are you threatening a police officer, Doctor Watson?” Donovan asked in her normal condescending tone.
“That’s right, Sergeant.”
“We will report you to the Superintendent!” Anderson exclaimed in a high-pitched voice which hurt my ears.
“Please do. There are enough witnesses who have heard you two harass Sherlock every chance you get,” I said calmly.
“As if he’s not offending us,” Sally scoffed.
“Oh, I know he does. But he’s not the one starting it, is he? He only replies accordingly. I assume you’d done the same if you were in his shoes. Most people would. You should be ashamed of yourselves, acting like teenagers instead of adults. Grow up, for goodness’ sake!”
“But I – “
“Shut up, Anderson! He is summoned by your commanding officer, and he solves every case you lot are unable to. Surely, that should be enough for you to keep your thoughts about him to yourselves. Without him, dozens of criminals would still walk the streets of London. Feel free to correct me if you think I’m wrong.”
And with that, I walked away from them and stood a little closer to Sherlock than normal. He didn’t seem to mind one bit; he was practically beaming at me.
“Dinner?” he asked after he’d lifted the police tape for me.
“Starving,” I replied.
“Is Angelo’s, okay?”
“God yes!”
***
Neither of us made a big thing out of it when our hands brushed, and our fingers entwined a few moments later; it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
Apparently, Angelo discerned that something had changed between us, but he didn’t remark on it. He just fetched a candle, lit it, and went to get us a bottle of wine on the house.
To my astonishment and delight, we reached for the other’s hand once we had removed our coat and jacket. A voice in my head told me I was on thin ice starting a romantic relationship with the slightly mad world’s only consulting detective, but I told it, in no uncertain terms, to stop bothering me. I was fine. It was all fine. More than fine, in fact.
Now I'm thinking up appropriate AUs for all of them.
That second one in white suit is Merciless Businessman John who in married to Distracted Handsome Sherlock and everyone thinks S is just a trophy husband, while he is the scientific mind behind all the company inventions. And J is utterly SOFT with him, while crushing the competition without batting an eye.
The one on the blue sofa looks like a photographer who just saw his new model walking down the stairs and is trying to negotiate with his erection to calm so that he can stand up.
I think there might already be a few of these under https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Model%20Sherlock%20Holmes/works tag. I remember at least two of these.
But now I’m tempted to write my own (because why not, we love reading the same trope over and over again, right?)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
So hey, I wrote a script for Holmestice of my favorite polycule negotiating a spicy scene. So far from canon you can't even see it from here, but the voices are right, I think. It's kinda sweet? Enjoy!
The 'Cule Plans a Cure (E, 18+)
Featuring Archie as a completely wholesome side character! Not joking.
Sherlock’s deductive mode sifts
Through all of the boxes John lifts,
‘Cause after their wedding
It’s time to be heading
Back home to unwrap all their gifts.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Happy very belated birthday to @worrynoodle ! I'm so happy you're my fandom buddy and every day I'm amazed by the sheer talent and joy you carry around. So this one's for you, because Dean deserved his movie kiss and we are here to deliver 💚💙
This is also my manifesto against AI. I find it baffling and disrespectful to the craft to be feeding actors' work to a greed machine. My socials are inundated, so my personal crusade is to take the awful AI pictures and at least make something out of it. So here it is, the hand crafted version of those absurd AI generated destiel kisses. Grow your own organic yaoi!!
Chapter 9 - Celebration, Nail Polish, and a Corpse
Summary: They keep their marriage small and private, and their wedding night is celebrated in the best possible way. There is no time for a honeymoon; everyday life is calling, and the two girls meet two very different and interesting women.
