i love you so much it sucks

GENO 🐧

girl is that a knife in your hand or are you jerking off your sharp detachable penis in my stomach

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"

Balloon for when somebody lands in the hospital for something that was definitely their fault.

half girl half asleep

june 1st in the pitt santos says langdon is homophobic if he’s mean to her this month langdon hits her with the right back atcha and she’s like what? he tells her he’s bisexual and santos spends the rest of the shift trying to prove that he’s lying for clout. langdon shows her a picture of him doing body shots off of a twink and she’s like. okay well you could just be an alcoholic that doesn’t mean you actually fuck men. it comes to a head when garcia gets tired of their shit and shows santos a picture of langdon in med school making out with his frat boy situationship (they both later married women and the guy tries to deny that he was ever gay despite frequently telling langdon he’s a better fuck than his current wife) and santos is like. fine okay whatever faggot

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

im actually cleft in twain right now can i call you back