Why can’t I stop watching this
I swear to god I’ve watched this like fifty times and I can’t stop laughing
He l p m e
I forgot I reblogged this to my main and I’m dYING
TAYLOR
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Why can’t I stop watching this
I swear to god I’ve watched this like fifty times and I can’t stop laughing
He l p m e
I forgot I reblogged this to my main and I’m dYING
TAYLOR

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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calendar: it’s december!!
me: IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE S T A R W A R S
I was not ready
@relatable-ram
Me: *clicks video* “The hell is all this abou-”
*whistling starts*
Me:
I love this stupid fucking meme
i’m reading a very manly 1950s account of a hunt for el dorado but i’m thirty pages in and the narrator has already described his traveling companion as “handsome” 4 times, “extremely handsome” twice, “exceedingly handsome” once, his voice as “quietly husky” and “a husky whisper,” his fingers as long and deft, his body as “tall and cat-like,” and his eyes as some variation of ice-blue at least three times.
just men being dudes. dudes being pals. it’s great. this is great.
“Ever since he had aimed that gun at my throat, I had liked him immensely. And now I liked him even better.”
oh my god
“I awoke when a beam of light fell across my eyes. Jorge had come into my room carrying a lighted candle.
‘I’m going with you,’ he said quietly.
‘I can’t pay you.’
He smiled. ‘I thought I was a partner?’”
OH MY GOD
according to apparently every adaptation of a search of el dorado, i think we can conclude that maybe the real el dorado was the homosexuality we found along the way
#i’m adopting this as a term for someone working to understand their sexual orientation #‘oh megan dated dudes exclusively in college but these days i hear she’s on the road to el dorado' ( @buetterfliege )
did I ever tell y’all about the time my dad’s friend got near-fatally stabbed by a deer
I worry that you may look at this and picture my dad’s friend being gored by a deer. you may think I am being slightly careless or hyperbolic with my word choice
oh no. no no no.
he got stabbed by a deer. with a knife. a deer used a knife to stab him and he almost died.
okay so
It is a fact of life in the time and location in Ohio where this story takes place that the deer population has no natural predators in the area. Regulated human hunting is necessary to keep the population to a healthy size.
And deer season opens in staggered brackets, right? Bowhunting opens first, to give people using bows and arrows a chance to get their shot in (no pun intended) before people with loud guns start scaring all the game away. Bore-loading rifles open next, works up to shotguns, etc. If you want to hunt deer with a machine gun you have to wait until everyone else has had their turn, basically.
So while my dad’s friend here does enjoy hunting for sport, he doesn’t need the meat the way some people do and as such he doesn’t feel right using guns; anyway, he likes the extra challenge of bowhunting, and it makes him feel better knowing that the deer have a sporting chance.
So he’s out there with a bow and arrow right when deer come into season.
Hits one. Clean shot, deer goes down, so the guy pulls out his hunting knife and walks up to this deer, which has just been shot and is by all rights already dead. He’s just doing the humane thing and checking to make sure so that he can give it a mercy stroke if it’s still clinging weakly to life.
This deer ain’t clinging weakly to shit.
So the poor man squats down next to its head, holding his hunting knife responsibly with the point facing down so that if he stumbles and falls he won’t impale himself. It’s what you’re supposed to do.
Dying deer looks him in the eye and has a split second in which it telepathically communicates: Fuck you.
Kicks out exactly one time.
Hits the knife perfectly and drives it into the guy’s thigh up to the hilt. And then dies.
Anyway there are some pretty fucking important veins and arteries in your thigh, which the deer’s Taking You With Me move thankfully missed. So this man who just wanted to give deer a fair fight ended up in the middle of the woods with a gushing thigh wound and almost bled out before he managed to get himself back to his car and very, very carefully make his way to the hospital.
(By all accounts he was very good-natured about the whole thing. Once he was no longer in immediate danger of dying he thought it was hilarious. In his own words, “It’s not like I can blame him, you know? I mean…that’s fair. That’s fair.”)
And that is the story of how my dad’s friend got stabbed by a righteously pissed-off deer.
The only Non-Ohioan thing about this is how calm and sensible your dad’s friend was about the whole incident, instead of say, bleeding out becuase he tried to haul the carcass back or going on a militant anti-deer campaign.
Good job him.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
So have you met a BOY at school…?
Any special GUY in your life…?
When are you going to bring a BOYFRIEND around…?
I am a GAY™ CAROL. There will be no boys.
The year is 2018. Your bills are on autopay. You just got paid and you still have $1200 from the last check. When you want something, you buy it without moving money around. Your credit cards are paid off. You and your friends have 2 international trips planned and paid for this year. Your parents are in great health and you’re able to help if they need anything. You love your job. Your desired creative career is falling into place and you get to take your little cousins to Six Flags and Universal Studios over the Summer. Your relationships are healthy and supportive. All of the toxic energy from the past 6 years is gone. You going to concerts, eating good across the states and your crib has art and warmth throughout. 2018 is going to be so good to you.
reblogging this for that 2018 good luck
i cant believe there are people who still havent seen this video
I could probably recite this entire video, word-for-word, on demand.
Goddamn, this is nearly thirty years old and it fits like a glove into contemporary shitpost cadence and aesthetics, this is High Art

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Ethan, I can’t feel anything.
That wont last forever. I promise you. Whatever you’re going through, I know you can get past it. You are capable of feeling happiness again. Please please please don’t give up. You have to keep going. You can do this. You are not alone <3
This is why this boi is so special
he dance
TABBY JDKWJDKSNFK
This dude may not be able to feel fear, sense danger in any way possible, or have even a vague understanding of what a wild animal looks like, but he does possess a heart of gold.
Question is how did the cougar just allow our hero to place it into a bath and go with it?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I want a dragon that breathes bullets instead of fire
like no explanation, no other visual cues that it’s anything but a normal dragon, but it just opens its mouth and GRRATATATAs out some lead
Chris Farley was the original voice of Shrek. He’d recorded nearly 90% of his lines before he died, but instead of having an impersonator record the remaining lines, they hired Mike Myers and completely re-wrote the film. You can listen to Farley’s Shrek online and hear how different his interpretation of the character was. Source Source 2 Source 3