Gay Witch Cryptid

floaty islands

glowing mushrooms

bigger versions of normal animals

animalistic dragons

deep, sentient forests

multiple moons

sun-drenched deserts with nothing for miles except some old, mysterious ruins

like I remember saying once ‘I’ll miss the ocean here :(’ (I live in the middle of the US) and my South African friend was like “??? won’t you just road trip to go see it? Don’t you road trip everywhere?’ and I was like, ‘I mean, yes, yeh. I can’t deny that.’ and they’d nod their head like ‘that’s exactly as it should be you funky little american, that’s how it is’

like, it never occurred to me other people didn’t frequently jump in their car and traverse the great straight and endless roads of your huge-ass corn-and-cow country for hours on end for fun

every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen

so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason says “wathing your weight? but what about the wait for your watch?“ (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)

anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by saying “you can’t wait for a watch; you don’t have the time”

me: okay if you’re gonna do that you BETTER do a-

queer eye: 

me: