liebe

an alarm might actually work!

i have a strong feeling that i am also ADHD (my father has it), so i feel like my memory issues can be contributed to that lol.

tw: hypochondria, anxiety

I’ve been wanting to journal for a bit now, but I’m so impatient when it comes to writing. My mind moves faster than my hands and it’s so agonizing having to script every letter and single word while mentally, I’m already 2 paragraphs ahead. So, I tend to keep things bottled up. But I think thats even worse.

My anxiety has been the worst it’s ever been over the past month and a half. I had a period of time where I couldn’t leave my bedroom without crying and having meltdowns. My brain wouldn’t shut off long enough to process a single thought, which sent me into emotional overdrive. I changed meds and I’m feeling a little better, but my hypochondria is relentless. For now, my focus is on my head. My brain. I’ve convinced myself that something is seriously wrong in there and that I’m doomed to die at any moment now. Realistically, I know that’s not true. But there’s always the, “Well, what if?” to worry about. I constantly feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts.

I’ve been trying meditation and daily affirmations, but I forget to do them a lot. I usually don’t remember until it’s too late, like now. At 6am. The damn birds are singing, I’m exhausted, and now’s the time my brain decides to remember. It’s incredibly frustrating. But, I’m still choosing healthier coping mechanisms, which is good I suppose.