Vengeful Vegetarian Vampires

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

forgive and forget? wrong. charged two-handed heavy attack with my greatsword of resentment

DnD is a way to show your friends how bad you are at adding very small numbers under pressure.

(guy who's not getting anything done voice) I need to learn every skill and all information

being alive is great because there are so many different vegetables you can sauté. but then there are also the horrors

with faith and perseverance, one day we will sauté the horrors

do you guys remember when we used to say oh worm all the time. remember that

is anybody out there

Wait are iPhone bros coping because Apple has to be more universal? Lol.

Boo hoo i'll be able to add more physical storage to my phone and be able to change out batteries if they degrade as well as all these other optional features I won't have to touch

Continuing in the trend of political cartoons depicting milquetoast moderate positions seem so much cooler and more badass than they are

I love how they add totally absurd things no one is asking for to make the idea look crazy. And still, I must emphasize, failing to make this look like a bad idea.

"Is this what you want? Is this ugly stupid bullcrap what you want??" the biggest loudest idiot in the room asks, holding up a picture of the hottest looking shit I've ever seen

Fucked up that if you make a minor social blunder you can't ask the person if they hate you forever now because that within itself is another social blunder

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

My boss was like “Do you have any idea how much money we’re losing” like who cares, it’s not like they would give it to me otherwise

Have our investors tried making coffee at home and not eating out so much?

i bet it feels good as fuck to erupt from the soil as a skeleton warrior

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

A BIRD POOPED ON MY HEAD ON THE WAY TO WORK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THE BIRD WAS ON THE WAY TO WORK?

DONT MAKE ME ANGRIER THAN I AM