I'm THE loser

Me: My fear of insects has got to be irrational

Also Me: (Remembers the time I had a colony of fire ants biting my hand for 3 minutes before realizing) ....or not...

someone: Man I lost someone close to me...

Me:(Lost basically entire family to random Illnesses and accidents, also lost new family after being abandoned, by getting hit by a car and not being able to contact any of them for a prolonged period of time basically making them ALL think I'm dead) Oh man that sucks I'm here for you.

Them: you wouldn't even understand the pain I'm going through!!

Me: You're probably right my apologies.

People around me: You never do anything but stay in your room and sleep

What I actually do in my room: exercise, listen to music perhaps WHILE exercise, reading, studying, looking into various things that are needed for house or to live, playing games that stimulate my mind, and think of types of fashion styles I can make with my wardrobe, coming up with witty jokes, practicing my singing, contemplating philosophy.

The world's a library and everyone's a book, full of their own stories.

Me: Hey remember (random traumatic event) I wanted to say even though you put me through that I forgive you and love you.

Person: What are you talking about I never did/say that to you. I don't even remember that! Why should I be accountable for something I don't remember!!

Me:(yeah all the drugs and all the illegal activities must have definitely helped JOG those memories!!! ....dumbass)

Me: God, I hate the very blood flowing in my veins. I know I'm not a bad person but I'm not entirely good either.

Person: You're totally fine.

Also me: (Super sensitive to light and noise, super taster, apparently aspd, ddd, PTSD, and schizoaffective disorder with a small history of self-harm) .... Yeah I'm good! 👍

All my friends finding love, and happiness and leaving me behind.

Me sitting in the background: yeah this is good, there wasn't anything left here for me anyway, as long as their happy and well off I will try to be too.

Me: Man why do I hate myself!!!

*Remembers time that parental & step figure would beat and abused me, also would use me as main topic during fights despite me trying to be the best kid with getting good grades and trying to help out, as well as told me I was better off dead, that I was a betrayer and that I should have been killed when they have a chance. Also the time in middle school when I was told I should be blamed for everything bad ever done and shoved into a locker, had a rock dropped on my head and almost drowned while parental figure only seemed to care about soaked pants, also remembers time when beginning middle school teachers and students bullied me and have me extra homework for being talkative and annoying only lightened up after grandmother died, both times I found love they cheated on me or didn't inform me of the new partner despite me being open and okay with polyamory, self struggle to realize I'm demi(romantic and sexual), Became homeless,entered foster care, got abandoned by parent in another state for 8 years. tried to Oof twice before getting hit by a car and surviving despite not trying the third time and was walking to get groceries.

Me: ...Damn