In the making

At least my instant turn offs that are Dude Things are "is an egotistical manchild that doesn't like the word no" and "has a chronic case of useless husband disorder" and "treats the women in his life poorly".

Genuinely, the straight men OP is talking about are the type that has such a poor vocabulary, they literally don't have the tools to describe relationships. Those traits, the laté snaps, septum piercing, cat ear headphones, those are all stand-ins for character types that they're unable to describe using specific terms.

Lots of men grow up with this idea that they're supposed to die in battle; men get off the Titanic last, so they find meaning in "being of service" in a "manly" way. This is usually accomplished by working jobs that destroy them, also resulting in utter neglect of their education and relationships. The whole "tradwife" attitude revolves around this idea that "since men are socially disposable, but also sensitive creatures, the female companions in their lives should notice their hardships, appreciate their sacrifices, and support them by making up for their deficits."

I shouldn't need to outline how fucking flawed that worldview is, but it's a common one that many men internalize.

So you get these "poor, hard done by" men who see their daily misery as some fucked up noble sacrifice, and who generally don't spend time enjoying life outside of destructive, manly persuits like after work drinking, womanizing, or drugs. Or sports, because that's a proxy for masculine violence, and another avenue to destroy your body and ""die in battle.""

They don't know how to relax, they don't know how to enjoy their own company, they don't know how to manage a household, they develop unhealthy attitudes and coping mechanisms, their relationships are all based on money, their routines revolve around work and nothing else, and their home lives and family dynamics suffer as a consequence.

What's laté snap girl doing, really? She's cultivating an online following, she's slowing down to note small details that please her, she's taking time for herself to enjoy a moment. If these men did that, they'd suddenly be confronted with the emptiness of their lives, the futility of capitalism, their substance use problems, and the various aches and pains that riddle their bodies, as a result of their flawed lifestyle.

So, these men construct a type; the anti-their lifestyle type, that's empowered, educated, and self interested. This type finds meaning in others and in themselves, not in lives based on imagined noble self-sacrifice. This type has blue hair and piercings, is aware of social issues and patriarchy, is independent and self regulates well, and doesn't put up with the "poor him" attitudes of the shitty men out there.

As a result, "women with cat ear headphones" represent anti-matter to the "poor him" bros, and they can't use more specific language to describe this, because that would require awareness of their pathetic worldviews and systemic disfunction in their lives.

💯

You start a game of Little Guy by saying, "I'm gonna hand you a little guy." The little guy is some kind of baby animal you are imagining. "Oh," she might say in response, "Okay," and hold out her hands for it. I will then mime handing her the animal. This provides some clues as to the little guy's size, weight, and general ungainliness.

She then gets to ask questions about what kind of little guy this is, BUT NO QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS ACTUAL APPEARANCE OR SPECIES ARE ALLOWED. Qualitative questions, or questions about his behavior, are the only ones permitted. She can ask "Is he soft?" or "Does he seem nervous about being held?" or "If I put him in the bathtub, does he seem okay with that?" or "Would he like a lil grape?" or "Is he the sort of little fellow who would wear a vest in a children's book?" but not "Does he have fur," "Is he a reptile," "Is he from Asia," etc. Some questions are in a grey area so you have to follow your heart, but the point is not to identify the animal as fast as possible: the point is to guess the animal purely based on vibes + how he would act if he were in your living room right now.

And I'm not limited to yes or no answers! If she asks, "Would it feel appropriate to see this little guy in a propeller hat?" I can reply, "Oh no, he has a gravity to him. A bowler hat would be a more appropriate hat." Or if she asks, "Does this little guy have protagonist energy?" I can say something like, "he probably wouldn't be the main character in a children's cartoon. He'd probably be the main character's ditzy best friend who's always eating sandwiches, or something."

“By the world I was taken By storm I was tossed But I told myself that love’s never lost.”

- Love’s Never Lost from A Man of No Importance 

Okay so clearly I've underestimated y'all

So how about we make this more interesting?