All the things he said

Hayden must be hallucinating. He knew he’d taken a hard hit in the last game, but the medical team said he was fine, so why was he seeing double? Apparently, a goalie Shane was warming up on the other side of the rink. A Toronto goalie Shane, which was weird because Shane was talking with their coach nearby.

"JJ, why is Shane playing for Toronto tonight?"

"What?" JJ was stretching next to him, giving him that tired look he always used when he wasn't in the mood for Hayden’ s antics.

“Look.” Hayden pointed toward the innocent soul minding his own business across the ice. 

“Hayden, that’s racist”

“What?” Now Hayden was just lost. Maybe he did have a concussion after all. 

“That’s Hudson Williams. Just because he’s half Asian doesn’t mean we look alike.” Of course, Shane chose that moment to join the conversation. “He’s Toronto’s rookie goalie. Good stats. And he’s half Korean, I’m half Japanese” Shane shot him a mildly offended look. JJ just looked disgusted. Hayden felt his face heat up.  

“Shane, that’s not what I meant—” But the coach was calling them. Shane and JJ just left him standing there. 

Hayden hadn’t meant it like that. He really thought the guy looked like Shane. Or… maybe not because the other Shane was laughing loudly at something his mate said. Hayden didn't think he’d ever seen his Shane laugh like that.

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Sort Of, Situationships, Relationship Status: It's Complicated, Tuna Melt Canon Divergence, Pre-Tuna Melt, Fluff and Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Ilya Rozanov Fucked Around Now He's Finding Out

"Chlamydia?" Ilya has never heard Hollander's voice reach such heights in the absence of a cock. "You have chlamydia?" "I did not get it on purpose," Ilya complains.

Svetlana: I'm going to fucking kill you

Ilya quirks an eyebrow.

Between his nationality, his profession, his love life, and the way he generally behaves as a human being, Ilya is very used to receiving death threats. This isn't the even the first one this week.

He does worry, sometimes, what he will do if he ever runs out of clever ways to reply.

Ilya: I will still be hotter than you Ilya: And richer Ilya: I hope you're not plotting my murder for the inheritance because no one is getting shit from me, it's all going to my massive fucking tombstone Ilya: And a solid gold statue of me Ilya: Outside the mausoleum I will build for all my trophies

I have already sent the concept art to my law—he's halfway through typing out, when Svetlana's reply finally pops up.

Svetlana: You gave me fucking CHLAMYDIA

And really, what can this random d-man from another team do to Shane? He’s heard all the homophobic chirps before. He’s been outed. The commissioner has threatened to take hockey away from him. He’s been run out of his old team on a rail. Some sponsors have probably dropped him because suddenly he’s “controversial.”

Total strangers on Twitter who used to worship Shane are sending him death threats. People he’s known for a decade (people he used to consider his friends) assume he threw games for Ilya. People whose weddings and birthday parties he attended didn’t show up for his wedding, have turned on him, are actively bad-mouthing him in the press.

"but you know me, i'm lazy, so." "i don't know that side of you at all."

"is that what we are going to do? relax?" "i hope so. i would like to relax with you. for once."

"because you like to be bad." "hey, that's not what this is. you and me. maybe it was at first but, not now, and not for a long time."

to the point where it even usurps other peoples interpretations of ilya before he gets the chance to internalize them -

"but, you hate him." "no. i mean, i get that. but no. i love him."

Ilya does love seeing old photos of Shane. Fat Baby Shane™ in all his forms, toddler Shane in his little hockey gear, Shane in elementary school with a big missing-teeth smile, Shane blowing out the candles on his 10th birthday, Shane holding up his brand new driver's license at 16. The list goes on.

One day Yuna finds an old disposable camera. The expiration date on it says 2009. She tells Shane about it; it might have some old photos from his graduation on it or something. She'd gotten a digital camera around that time so she can't remember what she used this one for. Shane is pretty indifferent about it.

Yuna sends the camera off to some company that still develops old camera film. It's about 15 years old at this point, though, so whatever is on it might not even develop correctly.

A few weeks later Shane and Ilya are over for dinner. Yuna tells them she got the photos back and they actually turned out ok. She hands over the stack of 10 photos. Shane rolls his eyes, but Ilya grabs the photos and starts flipping through them. The first two look like they are from some school event; there's Shane surrounded by similarly aged kids in an auditorium. There's one of the three of them on Thanksgiving that year and another of the three of them with Yuna's parents at the same dinner. Two of David asleep on the couch with the family dog clearly taken on different days. One of a Christmas tree in the Hollander's living room. The next two are Shane on the ice in a rink that Ilya recognizes as the one in Regina. The one from their first World Juniors Tournament.

And Ilya freezes. The last photo in the stack is a close-up of Shane. He's in a white hoodie with a black coat over it. He has on a dark green beanie and he's standing next to the door to the rink. He's smiling for the camera and his freckles are crinkled near his eyes. It's the Shane that so awkwardly and so confidently introduced himself to Ilya the first time they met. The Shane that had tried so hard to talk to Ilya then. The Shane that Ilya could admit to himself now that he'd had a bit of a crush on already. His Shane.

But now, he gets so tired whenever Ilya is around. His eyelids start to droop and, even though he's spent days or weeks looking forward to reuniting with his boyfriend, all he wants to do is fall asleep in Ilya's arms.

He decides to go to the doctor for some labs, checking for conditions that would make him fatigued. Words like leukemia and lupus came up on his Google searches, so he braces for the worst.

"Everything is perfect, Shane," his doctor tells him over the phone a week later. "But, you know, if you're worried about it, you could talk to a psychiatrist."

He makes an appointment for the next day with the first psychiatrist he finds. He explains the issue again: extreme sleepiness, maybe even narcolepsy, if Web MD is right. After more prompting, he specifies that this happens specifically around his partner.

The psychiatrist smiles at him. "Do you know much about nervous system regulation?" she asks gently. When he shakes his head, she explains further. "There are some people or settings that cause our nervous systems to feel calmer, and, especially for people who spend a lot of their lives in a state of fight or flight, those soothing feelings can make us tired and sleepy. Maybe your body finally feels safe and able to rest."