Little3morat

his great helm was off, revealing his messily tied hair that you barely got to see. you had a full view of his green eyes, dark eye bags, lively skin, and soft nude lips. his helmet was cradled in his left arm as he patiently waited for lady yvette to say her goodbyes.

"no, thank you." she had a tainted smile resting on her face. she wrapped her arms around your shoulders and chest, giving you a tight hug. "i'll miss you, princess. don't you dare forget me."

you held back tears. tears that your handmaiden failed to keep in. lady yvette had taken care of you ever since you were born, probably even more than your mother. she knew everything about you, the good and the bad, but still loved you unconditionally.

she also knew about your feelings for eren.

your affair with eren.

"don't be ridiculous, lady yvette." you held onto her arms, voice slightly wavering. "i could never forget you. may the lord strike me down if i ever do."

she held onto you for as long as she could before leaving the room and shutting the door, giving you and eren privacy. you stayed seated in your chair, watching him from the corner of your eye as he gently placed his helmet beside your white wedding gown laid out on your bed.

he stood behind you, where lady yvette stood. "are you ready?"

you couldn't make eye contact with him. you weren't sure if it was guilt, disdain, or the impending misery. "i need to put my gown on. i'll need some help tightening it."

"of course."

he turned around while you put your wedding gown on over your petticoat and slips. it made your heart sink deeper. he was acting as though he hadn't seen your body before.

the gown was made for royalty, stitched with a future that was already decided for you. the upper half was a corset, made with the finest silk and lace. the bottom half puffed out a bit, and a long train followed it. your veil was made with the same lace as the sleeves and corset of your dress.

it was a beautiful outfit. what a shame it was worn for the wrong person.

it should have been eren.

"i'm ready," you muttered.

he turned around. as soon as he got a good look at you in your wedding gown, he wasn't sure he could do this anymore. something in him broke. he was no longer the king's strongest knight—he had fallen, succumbed to you.

he stared at you like a man staring at the life he could have had.

if only he'd been someone else in this life.

he inched closer to you, beginning to tighten your corset. his fingers carefully grazed your spine, as though he feared the silk might bruise beneath his touch. you felt his breath on your skin, his lips placing soft kisses from your neck to your shoulder blade—one kiss after another, slower than the last, like a farewell disguised as affection. "you look beautiful, y/n."

you turned to face him. neither of you moved for a while. his eyes dropped to your lips, and he let out a shaken exhale that sounded like he had been holding his breath for years.

he kissed you like a man who had already chosen to lose you. the kiss was tender. it hurt even more because it wasn't rushed or desperate. it was slow and familiar. it was second nature. a habit. a memory. home. your home. his lips moved with devastating patience, like he was engraving the memory of your touch into his soul.

when he finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours. for a moment, it felt like the world outside of your bedroom did not exist. it was just the two of you—not a princess and her knight.

"eren," your breath hitched. you placed your hand on his jaw. "let's run away."

he suddenly tore himself away. it's not because he wanted to, but because he knew he wouldn't stop if he didn't. he knew he would give in to your absurd plans if he didn't. the warmth from his touch bled away as he stepped back. "i'm sorry, princess."

"stop calling me that," you shouted before stepping closer to him. you held his hands, lowering your voice again. "eren, please. i'm begging you. please-"

"i'm sorry," he repeated, pained. "i should not have done that. you're spoken for."

"to hell with that!" your lips quivered, still trying your hardest not to cry. "you're supposed to protect me. that is your duty. so please, eren, protect me. save me from this marriage."

"y/n-" he stopped himself. "bounties would be put on us. they would look for us until every corner of this earth has been searched. we would always be on the run. no money, no security, no freedom. that is no way to live. you do not deserve to live like that. trust me, i would know."

"i am fine with that," you replied. "believe me, i am fine with that. as long as i'm with you, i don't care. i will be fine. don't decide that for me. don't take that away from me."

his expression softened. it wasn't cold or dismissive. it was unbearably mournful.

"i love you, y/n. i'd die for you," he murmured, bringing your hand to his lips and pressing a kiss onto your ring finger—the one soon to be bound to another man. his touch lingered, and his eyes were closed. "but i can't ruin your life."

when he finally let go, he set your hand down gently. he put his great helm on, straightened up with his shoulders squared, and stomped his right foot once, reporting for duty once again. "let's go, princess. your groom awaits your arrival."

the ceremony was held in the grand cathedral at the heart of the capital. sunlight filtered through stained glass windows, casting deep reds and golds across the marble floors. the air smelled faintly of jasmine and burning incense, and a choir sang from the upper balcony, their voices echoing against the high ceilings.

white o’hara garden roses lined both sides of the aisle, tied with silk ribbons in the pink and gold of your kingdom. nobles filled the pews, dressed in their finest. everything felt still, reverent, as if everyone in the room understood the weight of the occasion.

it felt like a moment carved into history at the cost of your misery.

you stood at the altar beneath a towering arch of flowers and fabric, hands joined with your groom’s. the priest spoke ancient vows written for royalty. your now-husband slid a victorian pearl and ruby ring onto your finger. you adjusted it, trying to settle the weight of it. the wedding band felt strangely cold against your skin. it was nothing compared to the warmth it held when eren’s lips were there instead.

once the ceremony ended, the church doors opened and a breeze carried in the faint sound of bells from the kingdom outside. guests tossed petals as you and your husband walked down the aisle together, arms linked. the choir continued singing, softer now, harmonizing with the muffled cheers from beyond the cathedral steps.

your gown trailed behind you in a long sweep of lace and white fabric. your veil caught the breeze softly every few steps. your husband kept a gentle pace beside you, offering his arm, occasionally glancing down with a quiet smile.

the knights on both sides of the aisle dropped to one knee as you approached, armour clinking in unison. heads bowed, swords grounded in front of them in a formal salute, their right hands over their hearts with their fists closed as a gesture of unwavering loyalty to the crown.

you kept your eyes forward at first. it was easier that way. easier to pretend this was just another procession and not the start of a life you never asked for. but you should have known by now that nothing in your life would ever go according to plan.

your eyes shifted ever so slightly, barely noticeable enough to betray that you were looking for him.

eren was the final knight on your left. his armour was polished, reflecting stained glass light across the steel. he knelt like the others, sword pressed to the floor, but his posture was straighter. his helm tilted just enough to face forward, not fully bowed.

you weren’t supposed to look at him. you didn’t turn your head. you just let your eyes slide toward him for half a millisecond, like second nature.

through the narrow slit of his helm, his lashes shimmered, but it was distinct from steel—they were tears. tears held painfully still. one clung to the edge of his eye, refusing to fall. he didn’t blink. he didn’t let it move. he held himself together for as long as you stayed near him.

that’s when you broke.

all of a sudden, tears were involuntarily flooding down your face. they hit fast and hard, your face crumpling before you could stop it. your breath came out uneven, like a choke, and you tried to swallow it down, but it only made the next sob louder. you didn’t cry gracefully. you couldn’t. you were falling apart.

he didn’t falter. he didn’t reach for you. he only bowed deeper at the exact moment you passed, as though honouring the crown while mourning the end of you two.

your husband’s grip on your arm tightened for a moment, forcing you to relax. your skin under the ring felt even colder. you tried to control yourself to the best of your abilities before you looked forward again.

the sunset hit you, bright and loud and undeserved. as the kingdom roared and followed you out, eren stayed inside alone. he remained knelt behind you like a prayer no one heard. you didn’t need to look back to know he had fallen apart too because your heart felt it.

he gave the kingdom his loyalty and gave you up with it. he would regret it for the rest of his life.

for eternity, even.

you kept walking because your body was moving on its own. your heart hadn’t caught up yet.

in fact, you don't think it ever will.

You've known her for a few years already, and you're comfortable around her. You haven't known Jinx to be particularly shy, let alone shy about physical contact. But this isn't just physical contact like pats on the back, or hugs, or even her clinging to your arm during group hangouts... this is a kissing scene.

You can hear the director of the movie calling everyone to their places while you skim over the same words on the script, over and over again.

Across from you, Jinx's lips glisten from the fresh coat of lip gloss, and she puckers out her lips to check her makeup.

Five days ago, you remember how she came up to you and suggested that you two should practice the kiss. 

It was just an impromptu suggestion. It came out of nowhere.

—

FIVE DAYS AGO

“I just need to get used to the feeling. If I'm going to kiss you for the movie, shouldn't I get some practice in?”

She's sitting on your couch and looking down at her phone, not even looking up as she suggests you kiss together.

“...so that it's not as awkward, you know?” she continues. “We're going to be kissing on screen, and I can't have it look too awkward.”

Even though you've known her for years, the suggestion still surprises you. “You do realize how weird that sounds?”

Jinx groans and rolls her eyes, finally peering up from her phone to give you a look. “Come on. It's not that weird.”

“It is weird. Very weird,” you insist adamantly.

She huffs, setting her phone down on the coffee table. “I can't exactly practice with the other cast members, can I?” she points out. “And I doubt the cast members would be comfortable with kissing an actress they've hardly known for a few days, so…”

You shake your head in disbelief. What have you done to deserve this? Then again... it can't hurt to practice the scene. It's not like it means anything.

“Fine, for the sake of the film.”

She smirks and then turns her body to face you, shifting on the couch, and you mimic her, moving to face her.

This is fine, it's just for practice... and yet, your heart is responding as if this actually matters.

Jinx's lips part, and she whispers, “Come here.”

You comply and lean forward, pressing your lips to hers in a light peck. You pull your head back, separating by a few inches. “Like that...?”

She shakes her head with a scoff, dismissing your awkward attempt. “No, no. That was pathetic. Try again.”

Pathetic? Who does she think she is? Ignoring your annoyance, you decide to give it another try, determined to meet her standards.

You lean in again and repeat the gesture, your lips brushing against hers for a brief moment. Again, you pull your head back, looking at her for approval.

She just snorts. “That's weak. We're supposed to be in love, remember? try not to look like you're kissing your grandmother. Make it look like you want to kiss me.”

Like you want to kiss her. That's a difficult thing to make look natural. But you just have to think like an actor. You're acting. She's your ‘love interest’ for the movie.

Act.

You can't look like you're kissing your grandmother.

Your hand finds her face, and you gently cup her jaw, your thumb brushing lightly over her cheek. Your eyes flick back to hers as you lean in once again, pressing your lips onto hers more firmly and trying to push her back into the couch.

Jinx pulls you down on top of her as your hand moves from her jaw to the back of her neck, fingers tangling in her hair.

The brief, initial, light kiss is over. And despite the acting, you feel the briefest flutter in your chest.

She lets out a sigh against your mouth before she gently pushes you away. Then, with a shaky voice, she whispers, “Not bad.”

You're a bit proud of yourself, to be honest. She seemed much more satisfied with that response and even sounded surprised with your sudden effort. She also looks a bit flushed, maybe even breathless.

You look at her lips, noticing a slight smudge of lipstick around the edges of your mouth. “Uh... is that all?”

She glances up at you through her eyelashes, her gaze lingering for just a moment before she looks away.

Wait... is she blushing?

You want to call her out for the redness of her cheeks, but then she speaks. “No,” she murmurs. “That definitely isn't all.”

—

PRESENT

You both have been trying to pretend that things are normal since the ‘practice kiss.’ Neither of you mentions it nor acknowledges the way things feel different since then.

The kiss was entirely for the sake of the film. No big deal.

Just... two friends, practicing kissing for a movie.

It definitely didn't mean anything.

You glance down at your script again. The scene was simple—walk her to the door, say some lines, a simple, sweet kiss that should only last about three seconds, and it's over.

“Okay... places, everyone,” the director shouts.

The crew members then prepare the set and adjust the cameras, making sure every lighting angle is just right and adjusting the scene set-up.

You get up from your chair and walk towards the set.

Jinx walks next to you, smiling at the crew members who greet her. A makeup artist dabs at her face with a brush then pats her cheek. “Looking radiant as ever.”

“Thanks,” Jinx replies, smiling widely. “I'm born stunning, and makeup just enhances the blessing.”

You reach the set and watch as the director talks to a couple of camera operators.

The set looks like a simple apartment hallway. The lights are dimmed in a way that's supposed to emulate the night.

“Quiet on set,” the director calls out. “Places, everyone. I really, really want this take to be great.”

“No pressure,” a crew member adds sarcastically. 

The director glares briefly at the crew member, then continues. “This is a key scene, the audience is going to love this. The chemistry has to be perfect. You have to sell this.”

You nod at the director and then look over to Jinx, giving her a small smile, which she returns. Your eyes linger on her for a beat too long, but you look away when you hear the director shout.

“Ready? Aaaaand... action!”

You walk alongside as Jinx walks next to you. Your footsteps are in sync as the two of you walk together to the apartment door.

“Well, this is it.” You stop by the door and say to her, as stated in the script. “I guess I'll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah... I'll see you tomorrow. I'll send you a text or something,” she replies,placing her hand on the door handle.

“You never stick around to say goodbye?”

Her hand stays on the door as she turns, her gaze meeting yours. “No.”

“That's weird.”

She laughs and shrugs her shoulders. “I am weird.”

“I know.”

Jinx glances around and then leans against the doorframe with her back. “So... um... good night then.”

That's your cue.

You lean forward and press your lips to hers. It's brief, barely a few seconds, but it's just as the script says. Simple, normal, and part of the job. 

Your lips part, and you pull your head back a few inches, your gaze never leaving her face. Her eyes flutter open, staring at your mouth, and she wets her lower lip with her tongue.

That's it. That's it-

“Goodni-” you start, but then Jinx suddenly reaches around your neck and pulls you in, and before you can ask her what she's doing, her lips find yours again.

You let out a surprised sound before your mind and body quickly catch up with the moment. She's kissing you.

She's kissing you, not in character, not for practice, not for the film, not for the money. She's kissing you, with her hand clutching the back of your neck, and her eyes tightly shut, just because she wants to.

Your mind is racing, going blank, blank, blank, and your eyes slip shut.

You press your hand against the doorframe to keep your balance as her tongue runs over your lower lip, coaxing your mouth open.

You let her in, and you find yourself suddenly not minding—if anything, you respond and play along, matching her pace as you deepen the kiss. Her fingers tangle in your hair, and your hands grab the curve of her hip. 

You stumble forward, pinning her back against the door. She gasps softly, her lips moving against yours, the taste of her sweet tongue spreading across your mouth. 

It's too much, too much, too goddamn much-

You break the kiss, a string of saliva connecting your swollen lips to hers, until the distance gets too long and snaps.

You try to breathe, to catch your breath, but Jinx is impatient. She wants more. She yanks you back towards her, and her lips crash against yours again, harder, more desperately.

You feel her mouth curl into a smile before she drags her teeth over your bottom lip-

“Ow-” you pull away again as your tongue runs across your lip, tasting the copper taste of your blood.

“...and CUT!”

Your eyes fly open, and you feel her breath on your face. Then, you take a step back, your hand dropping from her hip.

Reality comes crashing back as the sounds of the crew and cast echo around you.

“That... that-” the director says enthusiastically, “-is what we're looking for. That's the energy the audience will love!”

Breathing heavily, you stare at Jinx as you wipe the blood off your face with your thumb. Her eyes meet yours, and before she can say anything, the director interrupts.

“That was an amazing kiss. I could feel the chemistry, the tension, the passion... that's it. That's the scene. This film is going to be a massive hit!” He reaches over, placing a hand on your shoulder and then Jinx's. “And that's thanks to you two. Fantastic work, fantastic.”

“Fantastic,” you repeat in a half-whisper.

The director pats you on the back before walking over to two of the crew members and starts giving more notes and directions. 

Jinx runs a hand through her hair. You can see her hand trembling slightly, like your own, as she tries to regain her composure.

“So…” She pushes a strand of her hair back behind her ear. “...that was a good take.”

“Yeah…” you croak out, trying to pull yourself together. “Good…” Too good.

She bites her lower lip, then averts her gaze. “Yeah…” Her eyes flick back to your face, and she stares at your lip. “...sorry for biting you. That was a little much.”

She smiles at you, and you smile back, even though your lip is really sore.

“I... it's fine, don't worry about it.”

She nods. “I just... got a little excited.” Excited... about what? “I'll be careful next time,” she adds.

“...right.” Next time. Next time. Next time. There will be next time? “...no worries.”

Jinx clears her throat as she fiddles with the sleeve of her shirt. She looks like she's going to say more, but a crew member calls out to her. “Jinx! Can you come over here for a second?”

She turns her head, distracted. “I'll see you around,” she says quickly to you, then heads over to where the crew member is.

See you around.

Something tightens in your chest, and you exhale a heavy breath.

“You are too obvious.”

Huh?

You glance over to your right to see a co-actress staring at you. “Excuse me?”

“The heart eyes, the staring... You're way, way too obvious.”

“It's—it's not-”

“You practically had your tongue in her mouth. I'm surprised she didn't swallow it.”

You stare at her, then let out a bitter laugh. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“You're really kidding me right now?”

“No, I'm being totally serious. I have no idea what-” you gesture vaguely in the air, “-what you're talking about.”

The actress sighs as she glances back at you, then shakes her head. “Honestly? I have no clue how you can be this dense.”

You sputter, but she's already turned away and heads off.

What did that mean...? You're not staring, you're not looking at her with ‘heart eyes,’ you're just... just...

Your fingers rise to touch your lip, which still feels sore from her biting it.

She's just a friend. A really good, close friend.

That's all.

You're just a friend... friends that kiss for a living.

Damn it, this is... this is really confusing.