Friendy Goodpeople HOA

We have spied on your personal conversations for a year now and we must say we are APPALLED that at least two households are accusing our HOA of being a CULT. We are not a cult!! We just spy on your every move, want you all to be exactly the same, and shun you if you don't follow all of our unwritten rules on hypernormalcy!! WE ARE NOT A CULT!!

And I did NOT post my unmentionables on NextDoor!!

Please make an effort to invasively spy on your neighbors to make sure they are not involved in laughter or any comedic shenanigans.

ANY JOKES OR GIGGLES WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE EXCOMMUNICATION AND CEREMONIAL CATAPULTING FROM THE PREMISES.

Thank you for your cooperation,

MERRY SPRINGINGS

EMERGENCY COMPLAINT:

I, Barbara Wenis, HOA Board President, PERSONALLY witnessed a resident SNEEZED inside of their home. One resident Goddard Godfard of home unit 992. THIS BEHAVIOR WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Such behavior is anti social and rude and disruptive and disrupts the tranquility and enjoyment of the neighborhood and surrounding premises. Adjacent neighbors are to keep watch of this and report it or otherwise be incinerated into within flaming hell.

GARDENBS:

DO NOT PLANT GARDEN. We are an American soulless bleak suburb and we are to have LAWN ONLY. NO FLOWER.

In keeping with Only Soulless Grass Laws, we also remind that we disallow BEES and BUTTERFLIES, and all LIFE SUSTAINNG INSEXTS.

Anyone caught with flower will be SACRIFICED FOR DECORATIVE NON-FUNCTIONAL CURTAINS.

This concludes a April springum newsletter. Happy flower spring! (REMBER NO FLOUWER ALLOWED)

P.S. We will be raising rent by $800 for each renter and HOA fees will also increase by $1000 monthly. Homeowners on a mortgage can also expect higher dues of an undisclosed amount. There will be three days to move out of our HOA if you disagree.

Our resident in 462, Ted Normalson, not only broke the poop schedule rule by pooping at 5:12pm, clearly outside the schedule rule of 9am to 5pm, but he also produced a poop outside our sizing and quantity rules. The radius of the poop in question was 2 inches, and there were poop chunks exceeding our limit rule of 1.

Any poop produced in our properties and flushed down the toilet must only be produced between the hours of 9am to 5pm daily. Poop quantity must be limited to 1 unit, and must not have a radius in girth exceeding 1 inch.

We no longer allow cinnamon to be kept in your homes especially not in combination with cinnamon

Thank you!

-Barbara Wenis, HOA President