Freya's Notebook

Happy birthday Cole!

But also feels chest heavy, how she didn't notice Lauda laying that gentle hand on her shoulder (so comfortable with her already? the very first time they meet?) but FLICHES when she realizes later. Like she's not used to being touched.

She's making herself look so confident while standing between Laudna and the murderous mob, scolding them, but the worry in her eyes, the care towards this strange dead-looking lady, warning her before sending lightning on the mob, leading her away, checking in with her afterwards.. you go the whole book wishing SOMEONE would PLEASE be as soft with Laudna as Laudna tries to be with the world that keeps trying to break her, and then Imogen strides in like some fairytale ending, a little lightning storm mixed with gentle rain, casually shooing the bad things away from Laudna.

It's sad, bc it's not the first time Laudna's had a chance at happiness- and it's a relief, bc unlike all those other times, Imogen doesn't seem to have anything else tying her down. She breaks away from a crowd of neighbors who's names she knows but that only calls her "girl", she ignores the mention of her pa, she leads Laudna away from it all and just wants to be with her. she puts a FLOWER in Laudna's hair

(the gut punch of her saving this woman from the mob and Laudna being surprised, how Imogen jokingly asks is she was supposed to just let it happen and how her humor goes to ashes when Laudna just as casually admits it wouldn't be the first time. This corpse lady who thinks about Imogen in flower imagery was beaten to death)

Imogen can't hear Delilah though and that, the fact that this time Delilah doesn't try warning Laudna away from a connection that isn't her, leaves a sinking feeling in my stomach. And makes me smile

Delilah didn't think Imogen would be a threat to her control, hm? Maybe thought she could use Imogen to control Laudna more huh?

I love them for all their imperfections because they weren't your stereotypical D&D adventurer characters. Except for Imogen (because Laura Bailey) and Dorian (because it was Robbie's first campaign), none of them were conventionally attractive; and they all struggled in some way. They struggled against age and oblivion, mistreatment, abuse, sadness, loneliness, abandonment, chronic pain, rejection, and general awkwardness.

They were fighting against a world that didn't want them there, a campaign that at times felt like it could play out whether the Hells were there or not, against fans who came from a popular campaign and characters that didn't give them a chance.

I found Campaign 1 fun, I didn't have the time that most had for the Campaign 2 characters to grow on me (healthcare workers in the middle of a pandemic, am I right?) and I couldn't get past the phase where I found them very annoying. But the Hells reached that little part of my heart that always felt insufficient, insecure, and overlooked, I loved them instantly.

And after the campaign ended, the Hells remain a divided opinion, inside and outside of Exandria, but I still adore them because none of them magically solved their problems; they are still there, they just adapted and continue living.

cat love as in I am small and scared and all of my instincts and my experience and your vast power say you're a threat but I am choosing to trust in your kindness despite my fear. you could kill me with one hand but I know you won't.

cat love as in I can tell you are upset and I don't understand why so I will sit stiffly beside you and awkwardly provide the only reassurance I know how to give. I am uncomfortable with every single moment of this but it is what you would do for me.

cat love as in I am small and powerless but I will curl up back to back with you and stand guard while you sleep and I will mean it with every fiber of my being.

my cat Nepenthe was a former stray behavior case at risk of euthanasia because she kept mauling potential adopters. on her second week in my apartment--having already attacked me multiple times without provocation, I will add, I wasn't special, she needed genuine help--she slinked out of the bedroom yowling at me. when I went to check on her she kept walking back and forth until I followed her, where she insistently paced between my feet and her hidey-hole in the back of my dresser, increasingly distressed. about three seconds after she gave up and hid, an absolutely torrential rain front hit. she didn't understand yet that we couldn't get wet inside. she'd been trying to warn me.

she didn't know me yet, but she knew I hadn't yelled at her when she hurt me. she knew I hadn't tried to hurt her back. she didn't understand why she was attacking me; those episodes probably scared her more than me. she knew I "shared" food with her, and that I asked before touching her. and she went out of her way to bring me into her safe space, to protect her friend.

Imogen: “yes.”

Laudna: “that little cabin in the woods--“

Imogen: “yes.”

They’re going to GROW OLD TOGETHER, Folks. They’re tied together. Gold thread. And they’ll grow old together, now.

Bonus:

Laudna: “and I think maybe Imogen and I are married now?”