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Oh, to be granted the power to speak to animals for just like 38 seconds, so that I could tell this pebble-brained feathery fuckass that nobody is impressed that he started singing earlier than anybody else. There's no bird pussy available at 2 am. The dames can sense your desperation. Stop screaming for at least three more hours.

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

lesbian scifi is so easy. here’s a woman in cargo pants and a tank top on a spaceship. are you with me

maybe it’s not even cargo pants. maybe it’s coveralls rolled to + tied around the waist. maybe she even has fuckoff boots

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

the midichlorian is the powerhouse of the jedi

cats would be so vulnerable to an anglerfish-esque predator

they call it his achilles heel because ack! It killies him

They call it the Odyssey because it really do be Odd at Sea

Driving a car is like microdosing zombie apocalypse. Whenever you see something human-shaped walking around, you have to keep an eye on it because sometimes it's a survivor who has made it this far by being sharp enough to anticipate potential risks and know how to stay out of harm's way, and sometimes it's a two-legged walking lump of meat with zero concept of self-preservation.