Love You Guys And All You Do

Crow stimboard

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She worked on cars too (as well as easter eggs, besides teaching folk dance):

She learned the art of Kalocsa patterns from her mother and she believed in keeping the folk motifs alive so passionately that she reportedly told she’d paint an entire house or airplane kalocsai if anyone asked her.

"Maya angelou's family killed a pedophile that raped her, and that just traumatized her more. "I thought that I had caused the man’s death, because I had spoken his name. That was my seven-and-a-half-year logic. So I stopped talking for five years." Read I know why the caged bird sings."

and here is my comment:

the fantasy of killing a pedophile to defend your child is... an escape from reality. as with all fantasies where a single act of violence stands for a lifetime of effortful care. it lets us off the hook for the day to day labor of actually protecting the human beings around us. it gives us an excuse to look away from what abuse actually looks like.

it allows us to ignore that setting boundaries is a daily practice. it allows us to ignore the subtle ways in which we punish children for having boundaries. it allows us not to think about things we can do, the effort we can put in, in smaller repeated ways, to be kind and caring. to be safe to talk to.

it is a grand gesture that, were you to actually go through with it, would neither prevent the harm that you fear nor help your child to heal from it. it is an idea with no bearing on reality for 99.99% of people, while rape and abuse are a reality for a large fraction of people.

it is not useful to imagine killing a pedophile. it is not useful to claim you would kill a pedophile. it wouldn't be useful to actually attempt to kill a pedophile in almost any situation.

it is useful to think about how you can help your child know they can get help. they can say no. they can tell adults to stop. they deserve to be comfortable. they deserve to be informed.

the entire point of the post is that your child will not be saved by your imagined wrath. the entire point is that your day to day actions, and your attitude towards children as people, are more impactful to your child's well-being. far more realistic. more important.

not least because your child doesn't need you to be wrathful. they need your love. they need care. they need attention.

meanwhile, the public performance of wanting to kill child abusers doesn't do anything to child abusers. most child abusers believe they are doing the right thing for their children.

saying you want to kill abusers doesn't signal anything good to children, either. as others have said, it makes children more afraid to speak up and ask for help. that might be their mom, their coach, their troop leader. it gives those abusers leverage; the children cannot tell if they want things to be stable.

and it makes it harder for adults to BELIEVE children, too! because if their child was really abused, then they've staked their honor on committing that violence, even if it was against their brother or spouse or grandpa or pastor or neighbor or their other kid's favorite babysitter. and if they don't want to do that, well... then they must decide whether they believe completely their child, or whether their child's boundaries must really be respected, or... if maybe it's impossible to know.

how many abuse survivors have tried to disclose, only to be told that so-and-so wouldn't do that, or they didn't mean it, because so-and-so loves you and we all like so-and-so. this dichotomy goes both ways, psychologically. if a child abuser is entirely evil and has to be killed, then someone who's not entirely evil and i don't want to kill can't be a child abuser. this must be something else. there must be a mistake.

the scary pervert: i have an idea....

me: oh my god ew no

the scary pervert: wtf is your problem i was gonna suggest we play mario kart. come on

me: oh okay phew i thought you were gonna suggest we have evil sex again

the scary pervert: i'm a complex and multifaceted person, mori. i'm more than just a few sexual encounters

me: okay youre right im sorry

the nuanced individual: thank you. now if i win you have to let me hurt you sexually

For example, I have about ten folders from my early school days sitting in my room. I never look at them. I don't recall anything inside of them, and I have no nostalgia for the work inside, but a large part of me is terrified to throw them away. In my head, to do so would feel like I was losing a part of my life—a part that though I can't remember, I desperately wish to get back.

When fictives have been around for a while eventually they just become normal but it's kinda funny out of context

i admit it, i fell into the trap at first. i ignored new headmates for a while to make sure my headcount was under the imaginary threshold where you're a faker. i tried to silence other headmates when they did things that seemed "too overt".

i thought i was helping in those moments where my mind suddenly changed. i decided that yeah, maybe they were right, maybe i wasn't plural after all, and the best thing to do is to wipe it all like it never happened to fix my "mistakes". i deleted the pluralkit and threw out anything that belonged to any specific headmate until a few days later when someone else would finally take front and remake the pluralkit and fish everything out of the trash again. it happened over, and over, and over. i think there was this inner feeling of well, we'd all be safer if there was no system and i didn't have to deal with the warzone after all.

i wanted to be the good one, the textbook one, the one where those people who would yell faker would even think i was the good example. i think what i wanted was safety. and i thought by wiping everyone's existence and trying to suppress everything i was protecting us.