something in the water

“I would be too. No offense to Knight and it’s members, but that’s not.. One of their best songs.” At least it wasn’t in his opinion. It was an okay song, and he could understand the appeal behind it, but he just didn’t really care for it as much as the rest of South Korea seemed to. It was, after all, the song that made Knight blow up as big as they have. Sometimes he felt bad when he didn’t like a group’s most popular song, but then he just had to remind himself that people had their own personal opinions for a reason. “I know, I’m sorry.. I’ve just been really busy lately. After the year end ceremonies, we had our comeback and I was filming for my drama during our comeback, and we had a few concerts and I was in the hospital for a few days and.. Yeah, I’ve just been really busy lately, I’m sorry that I’ve been neglecting our friendship.” Samsoo did really feel bad about not being able to spend as much time with Jia as he used to. “I’m happy that you accepted. I’m doing well! We’re about to go on our first world tour, I’m very excited. How are you doing?” 

hands smacked lightly against the table top as jia leaned into his opinion with wide eyes on the other. “i know, right! there is, however, a performance aspect to it. i guess that’s why they picked that song but you know-” a light shrug in silent defeat, alluding to the fact that taeho did not know how much the performance value of the song outweighed the musicality. just like he sometimes questioned concept value over music. that was what most dimensions artists were about. it was what mars was about. “you don’t need to apologize about that, don’t be crazy. besides, i’m just as much a part of the friendship as you are.” samsoo had a tendency to unveil a much calmer, open side of the youngest mars member, the later smiling at soo leisurely from his seat. “god, you sound crammed... how’s your health now?” the hospital, of course, caught his attention first while the many questions he had regarding other activities faded for that moment. “world tour.. you guys really did it huh? and to think we all thought you’d debut with mars- with me. you nervous?” we stood for jia himself, the boy having sworn on samsoo’s debut. back then, coming into the spotlight with one of his oldest acquaintances and friends sounded like a dream one step away from reality. “i’m fine.. just moved out. adapting to living alone is definitely something.. you know how i am, i need someone to keep an eye on me and someone to bother. i’ll get used to it.”

Although it had only been two years since their debut, Minki felt as though he were relatively used to the life of being an idol. The hectic promotional periods, the days where he could only get a few hours of sleep, if that much. It had all become second nature to him. He remembered back when he first debuted, when he used to get overwhelmed by the intensity of everything going on around him. It wasn’t easy getting acclimated to being an idol, but he thought that he did a pretty good job of it. He looked at younger idols and idols that debuted after him, taking in the looks of awe on their faces whenever they saw one of their seniors or they were seeing the backstage areas of studios for the first time, and he couldn’t help but think about how he had felt when he was in their shoes just two years prior. It was almost bittersweet in a sense, because he knew that eventually, all those feelings of awe would fade away because it stopped being exciting. The only exciting part about being an idol, for Minki at least, was performing for fans. Other than that, it was all just.. A job, like any other job. He looked up when he heard someone speak, watching as the semi familiar face greeted him and bowed. “Right, I know you. You’re the maknae, aren’t you?” He asked, before nodding. “Of course, what can I do for you?”

meanwhile for a freshly debuted idol -- rookie -- the chaos of the promotions and mixing schedules seemed to be impossible to decipher. his whole world changed within a day, shifting the entire routine jia was used to into something completely different. while he was not the worst in adapting to the changing schedules, he was handling it relatively well for a boy in his teenage years with many wonders. minus the minor slip ups. like falling behind from his group. “there’s really a lot of ways to look at the maknae. allegedly and formally, i am the maknae, yes,” a wide smile that almost sliced his face into half was immediately directed at minki. what a way to start the conversation, indeed, his chirpy laugh echoing in the hollow corridor. “it’s nice to meet you,” of course jia knew who he stood in front of, bowing in such a perfect ninety degree angle his math teacher would have raised his score if she saw. “i’m really new to this entire thing and building.. i was looking around and fell behind my group. now i have no clue of where to go or where’s the main stage. so i was wondering if you could help? at the very least, could you give me directions? i’m pretty good at those.” the boy rambled on. of course there were many simple ways to say it. but what was jia’s realm could not be taken from him in any situation.

a part of jaewon couldn’t believe he was in the same position yet again. sure, not making it into alien had been shitty but to some degree, it had been understandable, he was still young, he had plenty of time and it wasn’t like he had ever really been considered for the group. but with mars, that was different, he’d been on the shortlist and again, he had been passed up, he hadn’t suited the concept dimensions had told him. the thing was, jaewon didn’t know how to move forward from here. he’d been training for 6 years, quitting now would mean wasting those 6 years but at the same time, wasn’t continuing just foolish at this point? he’d hoped to have the practice room to himself for the day, wanted to just dance until his body gave out, maybe that way he could finally stop thinking for a second. but he didn’t get to be so lucky, not as long as taeho was still in the room. a part of jaewon hoped that if he ignored the other for long enough he’d just be left alone, god knows there was nothing nice he wanted to say to the younger anyway. “why do you care?” he asked snidely turning around so he could glare daggers at the boy. “congratulations on your upcoming debut, there you have what you wanted, now will you get the hell out of my face already?”

the strong reaction from jaewon had the newly named jia raising a brow. call him someone that seeked trouble, call him trouble itself, but the boy was never one to shy away or give way. that time he didn’t either, knuckles pressing into his waist, yet, his stance too free and leisure-like to indicate any malice. the psychiatrist that no one asked for had awaken in taeho and came out for a chat. “care is a strong word. i’m just asking, jaewon. there’s no need to be rude. am i being rude to you?” his index finger pressed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. it almost felt like an egg was schooling a chicken. “thank you, though, i think i’ll stay. this is a common practice room as far as i know.” ignoring the many levels of negativity that seemed to include at least three layers of angst and two of irony, taeho pressed a button. a catish stare watched the countdown, following any expression the other allowed him to see. “you know, i am just as aware as you are that you should have probably been in the lineup for debut. not sure who you pissed off, but surely they’re very unforgiving, no?” a tilt of the head, a hint of a passive-aggressive conversation. a sigh following a shake of the head as jia ended up distracting himself by changing his outside shoes to his training sneakers. “look, i don’t want to pick fights with you. i just asked because i’m curious. i was sure you’re going to be in that list,” not me, he wanted to add. but instead he aggressively pulled on his shoelaces to tie them.

to be honest, she hadn’t been paying much attention to the other group during the radio show, so she didn’t know the reasons behind his stage name. “really? then what’s your story?” if she was going to open up to some stranger, she’d like to hear his side first. names were personal, and they held even more meaning when it came to her. releasing such information would make her appear vulnerable, and that was the last thing she wanted. 

the fact that the mars’ maknae was prying into what was no one’s business could not be denied. but the alternate universe jia (number 83) -- the psychology major -- that somehow still lived in that particular version of the boy got the best of him. however, no matter how bold, scattered specs of logical reasoning remained in his head. thus, he would not blame her for choosing to him out completely. or walk away. either one of the options were more than reasonable in the situation the pair was in, however, his feline stare kept pressing. obvious interest reflected. there were always multiple roads to take and han taeho never chose the one that is the most peaceful.

“me?” the question somehow took jia five steps back, the boy’s heavy stare dispersing into a blank one. tables turned. while the young man did not mind the roles switching, he was most definitely not used to it. on his clock, his story would come after hers.”well, to spare you from the vanity version i spat out there,” his head tilted to motion towards where they exited from. “short version? i kinda hate my parents and don’t really want to associate myself with anything that remotely has to do with them.”

    there’s a giggle that leaves duri’s lips at the other’s words. again, that was something that he couldn’t help. but, was he really wise? he was never truly sure, but he would just kind of say the things he thinks or the things that he had come to learn. maybe duri really was wise and he just didn’t know it. he nodded his head towards the other, “i guess it really is about who’s voices fit the song the most? i can’t say though, i’ve only ever written songs and haven’t composed or produced before,” he spoke, a small nod leaving his head. “ah, it’s no problem at all! i mean it!” he said, his smile growing a bit more. mars really did have a lot of great vocalists, all of them had really nice voices, that was for sure. he nodded his head, “we all have personal goals that do with something else, yeah? like, a personal goal of mine is to get a dog!” he said, a small giggle leaving his lips. he gently took the phone, his fingertips tapping his information into the phone, head nodding. “that sounds good to me!” he responded. he nodded his head, “i hope we get to see you guys again soon! mars is just too good to be hidden!” he added on, his smile can’t help but to grow a bit more. “it’s good! a little busy, but not too bad at all! i still have a bit of time,” he responded, holding his hand with jia’s phone out gently.  

“i kind of feel embarrassed asking about this since i feel like a school kid that didn’t finish his homework and got caught-” a promising start in response to duri’s open weigh in regarding line distributions. the way that jia scratched at the very tip of his nose and then vaguely pointed towards the older projecting well into his continued thought. “but are any of the songs you’ve written out?” it didn’t need to be a song of his own per se, the genuine question reflecting towards the idea that maybe duri shared some of his written work with someone else. “would you consider producing?” a blunt question right at the end of his breath, the ever-intrigued character getting the best of him and pulling further at his tongue just in hopes so slice into the elder’s mindset. jia was appreciative of anything that came out of it. even his newly found knowledge that duri wants a dog. “oh, i love dogs,” if a sad emoji had a human face, it might have been the youngest mars member in that moment. however, the pout was more adoring, imagining a bunt of tiny puppies running around in one place. “what kind of a dog do you want? puppy? rescue?” there was a cat living near the dimensions studio that always pulled at jia’s heart, thus, the question was of first priority. “i hope we get to share more stages with you too, sunbaenim!” he flashed a bright smile, both hands politely gripping on his own phone. “a bit of time? i imagine by that you mean a bit of time to make sure all your human needs are satisfied? food and water.. sleep.”

“  .  .  .  maybe  men’s  fashion  should  stay  boring.  ”   all  it  took  to  change  minhee’s  mind  was  the  word  romphims.  a  plague  that  came  one  summer  that  she’d  long  forgotten.   “  jia,  shush           it’s  not  depressing!  i  have  my  cat  here  with  me,  so  i’m  not  alone.  i  have  friends  but  my  cat  is  my  best  friend.  ”   she  drags  out  the  word  cat  for  a  bit  too  long.  perhaps  the  lady  doth  protest  too  much.   “  okay           i’ll  see  you  soon,  okay?  okay!  ”   she  zooms  her  camera  all  the  way  in,  giving  jia  a  good  luck  at  her  nose  and  the  inner  corners  of  her  eyes.   “  bye!  ”   and  .  .  .  she  hangs  up,  determined  to  finish  her  bottle  before  jia  arrives.

“okay but watch dimensions put us in a romphim for the next comeback. after hot pants nothing would surprise me.” that was how the youngest mars member greeted minhee right as her door swung open, hellos and proper bows to a senior long forgotten. shoes kicked off and guest slippers on, jia directed himself further into her apartment, walking backwards to talk to her. “why can’t robes be a fashion trend?” he rambled on swinging his obviously full backpack over to his hands and zipping it open. just like that he had opened a box of pandora, clothing he packed for minhee carefully taken out of the bag. “honestly i’m more worried about your hair but buns are in i guess?”

( to: why do u have so many questions ) — thank you!!! v excited abt it too! ( to: why do u have so many questions ) — but uh what do you mean with your question? ( to: why do u have so many questions ) — like?? ppl write love songs all the time right? it’s just that, really. ( to: why do u have so many questions ) — not that deep n stuff. ( to: why do u have so many questions ) — but i mean if i’m not getting the point explain the question to me again pls? :,)

for @fmdjia

“you must not have understood me,” she scoffed, turning around to face him completely. her jaw was clenched, eyes narrowed as she stared up at the younger trainee in front of her. she knew who he was, she had seen him around plenty of times, and she knew enough about him to know that he was younger than her. hyeri wasn’t completely new to people accidentally mistaking her for younger than she actually was, but that didn’t mean that she was used to it or that it didn’t upset her whenever it did happen. she pointed a finger at him. “here’s some friendly advice for you - don’t speak informally to your seniors.” she jabbed her finger against his chest roughly. “i don’t know where you get off thinking you can talk to me like that, but you’re sorely mistaken.”

the boy watched hyeri turning around almost in mock slow motion as his hands aristocratically went to grip one another behind his back. as if he was observing some piece of art he couldn’t quite understand, a frown pulled at his eyebrows. for a small girl, she surely sounded threatening. “you- what? seniors?” a scattered chain of thought went along with the strikes of her index finger, causing taeho to move slightly in his spot. like a well-rooted three under a strong gust of wind. the accusations coming from the girl did make him crack a smile. he didn’t realize he was laughing in her face, hand flying to cup his smile. “bold of you to assume i considered that when i’m ravenous and only have ten minutes to take care of that.” his hand moves from his mouth, leaving him with a small smile. “sorry, i guess? but also with all due respect you don’t really look like a senior.”

↬ @fmdjia

Jumping off the last step of the bus once it reached his stop, he granted himself a moment to take in the familiar surroundings and fall back into old patterns, like no time had passed at all and he was still the boy with dreams too big for his body to contain so parts of them poured out with his every action. It wasn’t hard to spot Taeho – not only because he’d be able to make him out among a crowd of thousands, but also because there was scarcely anyone else around during regular school hours – and Namwoo wasted no time in walking up to him to throw an arm around his shoulders as a smile he didn’t have to make an effort for lit up his features. “Han Taeho,” he said in a greeting of sorts, “It’s so good to see you. How have you been?” Whereas it hadn’t been very long since they had last heard from each other, there had always been a difference between what was to be shared, and what could be shared, through texts or calls alone, so his gaze was attentive as he fixed it on Taeho as to convey just how much that simple question mattered.

the sound of the wheels of the bus gripping onto the cement was somehow calming that day. likely due to the fact han taeho had listened to it so many times over and over when he was younger, the dull noise slipping into routine and acting as a lullaby. even after the time that had passed without him stepping into any other form of public transportation that was not a metro, his body still remembered the sound, the tension from his trained shoulders falling the further the rode. however, there was another component to enjoying the sunlight on his face and murmurs of people around him. that component was namwoo. eyes closed, he focused on the warmth of sunlight on his skin and the names of the stops. three.. two.. one.. and his eyes shoot open out for pure habit, the boy leaning to the side to search for the boy that didn’t fall short from taeho’s platonic soulmate near the bus stop and around the playground he entered having jumped out. out of habit. soul searching.

namwoo’s smile, surely, might have been the only stable line the student taeho and the idol jia ever balanced on. his gaze stuck to the boy as if he held the key to existence. much too reminiscent of the mornings during which a much younger and naive version of himself waited for the other and the hours they spent around the grounds of their school, now their pictures on the walls marked alumni. “nam-hyung! finally, in flesh, bones and a three dimensional form in front of me,” the happiness that rushed over him upon making contact with a familiar gaze level was the same the weight of the hand around his shoulders heavy in a comforting way. it wasn’t surprising -- home does come in various shapes and sizes. “i’m- you know- living. moved out of the dorms. it’s kind of weird.” there was obviously much more to his words, judging by the way a toothy grin slowly morphed into a smile barely there. the answer was like an intro to a conversation nearing. mandatory for casual beginnings. it’s not like jia didn’t want to share. simply that laying his heart out upon the first minute would have been too much of a leap. he wanted to enjoy his friend first.  “i’m very happy to finally see you, bc is gonna run you down one day.. do you even have a day off? what have you been up to?” his elbow came in contact with namwoo’s side in a gentle, encouraging manner. they were always really equal in their friendship of all friendships, no one worthier or more important. it remains that within taeho’s worried gaze on the other before opting to move to some swings.

“says who?” his smile had suddenly dropped. namsoo wasn’t sure why he was acting this way, walls immediately going up because he didn’t want jia somehow seeing past the mask he created in order to keep himself safe. whatever the grudge he had for the mars member was creating some kind anger, a feeling he shouldn’t have because it wasn’t none of his business nor did he have any right. but maybe he did? it is someone who he was once involved with after all. the jokes directed his way weren’t funny at all and the dancer made sure that jia knew that when his lips straightened out, eyes slightly narrowing as he glared. this wasn’t the namsoo most people knew, he wasn’t the sunshine boy; not for a man like jia. “you say it’s a joke yet it failed to make me laugh, that’s tragic…don’t you think?” maybe he was being harsh. namsoo just couldn’t help himself, he wasn’t having a good week. “maybe we should cut this conversation short before someone’s feelings get hurt.”

lightly hitting his leg with the selfie stick, jia found himself unsure of whether to move away or indulge himself further into bothering namsoo. the very little vibe they already had fell flat along with the other’s smile. perhaps, a fatal error in that small moment of judgement. because in the end, no matter how unwanted taeho was, a smile twisted the corners of his lips upwards into a catish grin. “ooooh,” it was like some realization hit, the word much too prolonged as the mars member kicked a few pebbles off the ground while jittering in his spot. “so that’s how you are, huh?” namsoo’s forward words hit a wall and bounced back, taeho almost too unfazed by it. to a point where it almost seemed stupid he tried pushing something that the other wasn’t willing to indulge in. "too cool to converse in a way that would compromise the teenage angst you’ve got going on there.” he stupidly laughed in the other’s face. “hey look, i find your jokes absolutely hilarious. means that at least one of us is walking away out with something.” preferably not a punctured lung. 

it was awkward. at least that was the vibe taeho got from being in the same room with jaewon. he couldn't pin point, however, whether it was just him that was a bit pressed by the atmosphere. maybe he just forgot how intense jaewon’s aura could be. nevertheless, the otherwise chirpy boy found himself rummaging through his backpack for something to occupy himself with just to avoid any unnecessary confrontations. especially since he felt his own interest peak -- why the hell was he chosen to become a part of mars and jaewon wasn’t? no matter how he thought about it, it did not make any sense. and when his eyes fall upon the other in the room, unintentionally, the curiosity grows. “how are you doing?” he breaks the silence, eyes stuck on jaewon. no malice or pity spotted in his tone, just a question to fill the air before the newly renamed boy found a way to approach a subject he was actually curious about.

jia knew he shouldn’t get distracted. his manager told him not to as they were lead through corridors to the main broadcasting stage. however, who could blame a starry-eyed debutant, taking in other idols at every corner and stopping to look at the pictures instead of following directions. one minute he’s stopped to observe his surroundings, next minute yoonbin’s shoulders he was following were out of his sight. of course, first came panic as a gaze of admiration turned into a frantic flicker. it took a minute for calm to settle before the young boy could reason with himself.  surely, the manager would come back for him, however, that would also mean complaints about responsibility which jia did not want to deal with. left with no choice but to approach a sunbae spotted under embarrassing, far from ideal circumstances, jia carefully moved back from where he came from and had previously spotted a few idols outside dressing rooms. “sunbaenim,” begging for attention he bows, a smile flickering on his face. thankfully he was never the one to shy away from new people. “sunbaenim, i’m sorry to bother you.. i- are you busy? i’m mars’ jia.. i wanted to ask something.”