𝐴𝑙𝑦𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑎 𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑘

so finally after a good two years or so, its finally come to this point where i’ve decided to drop alyssia completely. it definitely wasn’t an easy situation to come to this particular decision, mostly because i have a terrible habit of clinging onto muses that i love and adore so, so much--and alyssia in particular was my first muse that i used to foray into krp, apart from having her be something significantly close in importance to my own heart. out of all my muses, i think aly is the closest to me (unintentionally), and yet still one of the lesser developed muses that i’ve had for the past two years, in part owing to a lot of her background story and the difficulty of aly as a muse herself being able to accept happiness--as something that she can’t be scared of or feel guilty about.

aly’s met really fantastic people that have built her up from the one dimensional being she was originally into this flavourful, colourful person that she is two years in, so i would really like to thank those muns that have stuck through with her and made her life a tad more beautiful, even if she hid things from them and stuck a smile on her face to make the world a little prettier.

i do maintain that she’s one of my most tortured muses, partly because of the angst, and mostly because the road to her healing was and still is incredibly long. but i have watched her improve from that guilt ridden girl who spent most of her nights having a couple of flings here and there to coming to realise that she hated the feeling of it, to finally that childish version of herself that represented a lot of her missing childhood. she found love, even though they didn’t manage to follow through far because of a lot of each other’s issues and that indepth insecurity that both she and miyeon had, found friendship--that lasted through long nights of moon watching and her being strangely pervy or greedy about food with her best friend hyeju, had deep moments of respite with minah and jiah both, and finally coming to a stop at where she realised through her latest hiatus that living as she was wasn’t living, and finally opening up to charlie about her past.

she’s done a lot. and progressed a lot. even if it feels still as though she’s been stuck in the same spot due to her own personal choices.

thank you to everyone who stuck by her and made her life just a little happier, and to all those important connections, please treat it as if aly has finally flown off to a better place. perhaps she went to chase after her lost lover somewhere in the world. perhaps she finally received the precious news that her father died, and finally felt the release that she needed to stop chaining herself to her past and to her company, taking off somewhere with only the clothes on her back and the shoes on her feet. 

in my mind, alyssia would probably have given a hug to every of the bee members, including minah, sent a selfie of herself eating to hyeju, and then disappeared, somewhere in the world. perhaps one or two months later her friends and bee members would find postcards addressed to them, written in her handwriting, and at the back, attached selfies of herself, cheeks flushed, eyes creased, and a familiar cheeky little smile tipping up the corners of her lips. perhaps if she’s even luckier, she might find miyeon once more, and each selfie would have both of them in it, smiling like fools and with aly finally experiencing the childhood she’d long missed. snowfights, christmas trees, trick or treat, and most of all affection and security of a singular person that fulfills her desire to be loved the most. 

thank you all for these two years or so of a wonderful journey with aly! and she’ll live, forever in our hearts 💕 think of this is as letter from both me as her mun to everyone in famed and a handwritten one from aly, before i officially send in my regards to the main about dropping alyssia. so i do hope that everyone will manage to come across this and know that their plotting and threading with her was all, deeply appreciated!

December 31st, 2020 / Busan, South Korea / Concert Rehearsal 

She should have known that everything wasn’t going to go off without a hitch for the entirety of the fantasy cruise. The first two concerts had gone well without any big issues, and Kyungmi was hoping that the third and final one would go the same way. Unfortunately, she couldn’t always get what she wanted. The final concert called for a different stage outfit for her and the other members of BEE, which she didn’t mind. She enjoyed switching things up, but the only problem was their newest stage outfits hadn’t been fitted before they went to board cruise. So it unfortunately didn’t fit, which caused her mood to sour. As impolite as it seemed in the moment, she couldn’t help but shoo the camera people out of her way with a wave of her hand as she made a hasty exit to somewhere a little more private. 

She had been standing there in the empty room for several minutes, back facing the mirror as she struggled to pull her zipper up, frustration becoming more and more apparent on her face. Then suddenly, the door creaked open and her eyes snapped up to meet someone else’s. She didn’t really care who it was in that moment, she just wanted to get her outfit on before BEE was called to run through their set. “H-Hey, could you, um..” She sighed, turning around so that she had her back to them. “Zip me up? Please? I’ve been trying, but it’s.. Stuck,” she mumbled the last part, unable to repress the embarrassment and shame she felt being found in such a predicament. 

alyssia was in a really good mood. strange really, for someone like her, even as the fitting of the costumes went on, everything seemed to go on smoothly for her, a hum upon her lips and an apple for a snack between her teeth. she hadn’t been expecting any of the other girls to have issues with their clothes--weight was almost always not much of an issue for her (in fact, alyssia was perhaps on the underside of being of a slightly healthy weight), but concern triumphed over all reason as she watched kyungmi slip into an empty room, frustration etched into contours of her face. 

discarding the red apple she’d bee eating moments before, aly slipped into the room right after her leader, a frown creasing her brows together and a slight contemplative pout upon her lips. “ unnie.” the issue is apparent as soon as she slips into the room, closing the door softly behind her as her eyes searched kyungmi’s own for any sense of discomfort, lips purse together slightly in worry. “ don’t worry, i’m sure it just need my magical touch!” she skips over towards kyungmi with a wide smile upon her face, hands sliding over kyungmi’s waist as she huffed and pouted a little. “see--” nimble fingers found their way to the annoying zipper, sparing a moment to intensely glare at the offending object as though it was the cause of all their problems. fingers pinch the fabric above the zipper, relief hidden in her eyes as the zipper slowly ascends, fully zipping all the way up into its perfect final form, and aly throws her head back and laughs, hands on her hips. “ see, no one can beat my magic touch! don’t you think so too, unnie?” her eyes sparkle with mischief ever so slightly as she tilted her head, the glitter makeup around her eyes winking in the light as she slid her chin against kyungmi’s shoulder affectionately, poking the older girl’s waist slightly as she glanced at the mirror.

“you look perfectly beautiful, unnie.” its a declaration that is often heard from the youngest of bee, but one still no doubtedly sincere as she pranced to the front to gently cup kyungmi’s cheeks. “ you’re fine just the way you are, you know that, don’t you?” a note of subtle seriousness bleeds into her tone as her eyes flicker, a sliver of self assurance that alyssia herself knew she never had slipped onto her front, for the benefit of the older girl in front of her. “you look pretty either way, and are perfectly fine, whether things fit or not. which, a lot of times, they fit you. you do know that, don’t you?” 

“do you have any clue what you want to do for your submission? doughnuts would be cool. i bet not a lot of people will go with that, but knight’s so… i don’t know. we’re not very fun.” he knows his own solo music is an option as well, but his own music is, for the most part, even less fun and appropriately marketable for a quirky dessert.

he hums, his eyes scanning the screen of his phone for a few more seconds before he speaks up again. “it looks like doughnuts won’t be that hard. let’s do cupcakes too. and cookies! we’ve got to at least do those three. what’s a baking extravaganza without cake and cookies?”

“what’s...pre-gaming?” she twists around squinting at ash as he laughed and trying to find the right word that actually fit the idea of pre-gaming right in her head. “is it like the console thing or the gaming thing? or what is that--” alyssia never bothers to find the right or exact words to describe things when she did them, not especially when it came to baking or cooking. to her--life was simple. baking was baking. cooking was cooking. no fancy names. 

she huffed at the thought, crossing her arms with a whine. 

“i don’t get what you mean by dietician approved pre-gaming. there’s no such thing.” she declares with all of a childish exuberance, before whirling back to the task at hand, scattering some flour in her wake across the floor where she pranced from to the next. “i like doughnuts. once i made minah blink twice on the idea of doughnuts.” she beams grandly, almost proud at the thought. “we were talking about the topping on doughnuts and i asked her if jiah was one good topping, because she seemed like she is.” she grinned gleefully, the spark of mischief twinkling in her eye as she tipped over the flour into the mixing bowl, a hum on her lips as she spilled a little more tmi than she should for the day. 

“knight is fun. you’re fun.” she pokes ash’s forehead as soon as he starts disparaging himself. “i mean, look at you. you’re here. playing with me.” baking sweet treats seemed to be the definition of fun for alyssia, as much as it wasn’t in reality. “hardly anyone can stand my hyperactive self and my childish self, and yet you’re here, keeping up with both.” she wonders at times how it doesn’t bother ash. most people find her too hard to keep up with, her trend of thought expelling themselves almost at a meteoric rate whenever she put her mind to doing so. “i think you’re amazing for that. most people find me annoying.” in the span of a few minutes, she’s found the cake flour, emptying it into another mixing bowl as though they were going to bake all three items at the same time, before stopping for a moment.

It’s weird to think how once upon a time they used to be all over each other, poking fun with no restrictions at all yet the thought of sitting next to her bandmate had her walking around on eggshells. Noticing how the younger crept a little closer, she tries to relax her body and mulls over the proposal. She had so many questions yet none of them seemed to be right in this moment (would they ever feel right to ask at all?) So she kicks the ball back to Alyssia.

“Why don’t you tell me what you want to tell me?” her voice soft and careful, as if even the request could trigger something from the other. “From the beginning?”

she’s told this tale one too many times for it to affect her adversely, perfecting her trade of storytelling through the vacancy that slowly lights her eyes as she begins to pick against the cushion beneath her fingers, eyes shifting as she dodged the the gentleness of the look that charlie offers her, the softness in the older girl’s voice something that jarred her out of discomfort and being unused to such a caring side of the other. 

With Love, To You

miyeon decides to tell alyssia another day as the other tells her to not to answer the question. it feels wrong, but miyeon believes that if she withholds the truth, then alyssia will like her more. it’s a heavy burden she has to carry, but she is willing to carry it for as long as possible until alyssia eventually finds out the truth. “i don’t find it weird. i get what you mean.” while those days were something she’d rather not reflect on, the nature of the conversation made it feel right to talk about. “things weren’t the exact same for me, but i know what it feels like to not look forward to the future. i was once at a point in my life that i could barely see past the next hour. living was just surviving through the day and making the best out of what i could. and i still have times where everything is too much, but i’ve been doing my best to be better.”

it gives miyeon an unfamiliar feelings to hear that she was the only one to make her think about what’s to come. she feels special, but she doesn’t know if that’s a feeling she necessarily likes. “if it makes you feel better, i was also afraid of telling you how i felt. i don’t have the best track record when it comes to relationship, and i didn’t want to runin things with you. you are a great friend and i wouldn’t want to ruin that because of how i am. i’m still scared i’m going to mess things up even more, but i’m willing to take that risk. i really think being with you will be a good thing. I’ll bear with you as long as you bear with me as well. we’ll learn together what it’s like to love properly and maybe redefine what love is while we’re at it.”

her smile grew bigger hearing those words from the person she admired. “i like you a lot more alyssia. and no matter how far i may stray from you, i’ll always return as long as you want me by your side.” 

she pouts as soon as miyeon laughs, brows knitting together and lips pursed in a small huff, puffing her cheeks in time just as she manages to stop herself from saying once more the forbidden words that neither of them had desired to hear. " don't laugh.." she mumbled, pushing slightly against miyeon's chest as her cheeks tinted with slow colour, head dipping slightly in embarrassment as she snuggled in a little more to miyeon's side, eyes falling onto their clasped hands, the light warmth of miyeon's hand against her own making her heart race lightly in its chest--almost giddy with excitement and adoration as she flicked her eyes up to meet the the younger girl's own. "i couldn't help it. but thankfully, i stopped myself just in time this time." she swelled a little importantly, almost prideful of the fact as she shot miyeon a cheeky little grin, eyes creasing as she watched a soft smile slip delicately over the younger girl's lips at her antics.

"aren't you proud of me that i managed to do that?" she blinked mischievously, a playful smile upon her lips as she nudged miyeon's side ever so slightly. she's drawn to the way that their fingers are entangled with each others that she fails to see the small drop in miyeon's own smile, the questioning murmur from the younger girl's lips drawing her attention once more as her eyes flicker, lingering on the delicate contours of miyeon's face as she shifts her weight, hands lifting to press against miyeon's cheeks in an attempt to help her cheer up. "you didn't do anything wrong." she murmurs back at miyeon, eyes hardened slightly in determination as she scrunches her nose in thought. "i don't know why you think that you did something wrong, but to me, you didn't do anything wrong. you had every--every right to run away back then, so there's no wrong done." she glances at miyeon willfully, patting miyeon's cheeks reassuringly. "in fact, i don't think you could do anything wrong in my eyes. you're perfect just the way you are to me." alyssia blinks, mumbling those last words a little matter of factly as she sniffed derisively at the thought that miyeon could ever do something to disappoint her. ( it was miyeon after all, and her affection often blinded her to things that she didn't want to see)

"i think you've done things splendidly and just fine..you know?" awkwardness permeates her actions as she sucks in a breath, miyeon's words hitting a little close to home based on the description that she had given just moments ago. "even though i'm sure there are so many ways to improve, i think you've done everything to the best that you could. that's...better than me, at the very least." warmth permeates her bones as miyeon accepts her words, growing in a pit of excitement in her stomach, filled with bliss and aching adoration as she huffed out a soft chuckle of laughter, twisting her body round to face miyeon as her cheeks ached in a wide smile.

“i think i figured out the perfect balance,” he said, putting the finishing touchs together on what was probably his sixth iteration of the coffee. it was his manager’s suggestion, adding the drink to the sandwich as a submission, though judging by his face after the sandwich, jae was satisifed and had accepted he had next to no chance to actually be featured. his addition of the coffee was really just the icing on the cake and the nail in the coffin, with an eyeballed five shots of espresso and two of vanilla syrup, creating an odd sensation, both sickly sweet and excessively bitter additions fighting for dominance.  

“here.” he pushed the sandwich plate, followed by a drink that was much too strong, across the counter to the other. “let me know what you think.” 

if anything, alyssia is nothing but hardy when it comes to tolerating the taste of food. she’s not somewhat of a splendid, wooping cook herself, despite all the cooking shows that she might have watched in her minimal but lasting spare time, contrary to the very thought that she might have successfully replicated anything that she had seen was a far-fetched idea. and yet, here she was, being a taste tester for jae, even if she didn’t know why she was here and what exactly she was eating. 

its with a pout on her lips that she eyes the coffee that slides its way across the table towards her, and the sandwich that sits on the plate as innocently as it ever could. 

she hiccups. nerves--she thinks, throwing a slightly suspicious side eye towards jae as she raised the coffee to her lips and taking a delicate sip of it. her insides nearly shrivel as soon as the overload of sickly sweet hits her taste buds, and she inhales in deeply, settling the cup back down with the barest shake of her own hands. 

“its horrible.” she announced, back straightened as her face scrunched, smacking her lips together as she pushed the coffee right back at jae. “i feel--as though tasting this sandwich is gonna make me--run to the toilet.” she eyes the sandwich on the plate with a deep onset of apprehension. “like not run to the toilet to puke run but run to the toilet because my stomach hurts kind of feeling.” she picks the sandwich up between her fingers delicately. “please tell me you didn’t poison the sandwich.” 

“well, i wasn’t mad at you. i wasn’t upset with you either, so you don’t need to think that anymore. me not visiting was me prioritizing your health over whatever i wanted to do. who knows what i might’ve done if i came back.” that was a lie. she had a pretty good idea what she would’ve done, which is why she didn’t come back. “you don’t need to apologize for that, or for anything. i don’t want to hear anymore apologies about that day from you.” miyeon contemplated removing her mask after seeing alyssia remove hers, but opted to keep it on. the mask gave miyeon a tad bit more confidence than she normally had around the other, able to push out more of the truth she wouldn’t have admitted. “don’t do that. while it’s true i was there because you were there, i still made the choice to come aly. i still came knowing how much i hate hospitals. how about we both share responsibility for what happened?”

miyeon knows she’s to blame for always feeling guilty whenever she was around alyssia. she began to think that not visiting again without an explanation was a bad idea, but she chose to pretend that it didn’t happen until she ran into alyssia again. “i definitely would’ve visited you often if i was doing better. i think the last thing you needed there was me…. yeah i definitely wouldn’t have been too much help. but you’re doing better, and i’m doing better, so yeah i’ll agree it’s good the way it turned out. i’m really proud of you by the way.” miyeon lowers her voice only for the older woman to hear. “i told you i would wait for you, so don’t apologize for that. let’s ignore all of the bad thoughts we may have had in the past and just enjoy what we have now and what is to come, yeah?”

its a poignant silence that follows them both, momentary and clinging in the space between them, hollowed out like a tall tree that stood tall in a park but remained hollowed on the inside, the ache in her soul too deep to ignore, however momentary. “sorry.” its the only word she learns to force out from her lips upon miyeon insisting that they shared equal responsibility over what happened in the hospital. “i mean--i didn’t mean to say sorry but....oh, you know what i mean.” her eyes flicker as she pulls back slightly, feeling goosebumps rise over the hollow of her ear where miyeon whispers softly to her of being proud of her. confusion, mixed with delicate happiness smatters across her features as she blinks a little desperately up at the younger girl, fingers tangling into miyeon’s own as she heaves a soft sigh of something between a mix of relief and in depth affection. 

“but...what blame do you have to take for that day? you did..you did nothing wrong.” her fingers curl into the sleeves of miyeon’s dress, almost determined to anchor miyeon right next to her, in fear that the other woman might just whirl up and fly away, fleeing from her without a moment’s notice. 

she retracks her thoughts and words within minutes of saying it, batting her hands frantically as her eyes searched miyeon’s own for a trace of discomfort, her own feelings almost tethering on the edge of desperation and doubt as she tried to reassure herself with the vague few breaths she had that--miyeon wasn’t just going to disappear from her side once again. 

“don’t --don’t answer that. you’re right. we should..should enjoy what is to come.” she buries her face into miyeon’s shoulder, releasing a shuddering breath as she hustled out a nervous little laugh. “is it weird that i don’t know how to enjoy...enjoy what is to come? i’ve always just looked at things as a day to day basis. one day is over and the next is something for another day to worry about.” her voice softens quietly as she plays with miyeon’s fingers, affectionate despite her rather somber words. “i guess this is the part where i ask you to bear with me--just with the way i don’t really know how to look forward to things that far ahead. you’re the only one that’s made me think on that so far.” she exhales thoughtfully, the confession falling from her lips as her shoulders hunch in mild vulnerability of the moment in her admittance. “i’m weird and don’t know much about love without giving it up, so...so bear with me. i’ll learn quickly, i promise you that. somehow, i don’t want you to ever leave.” she feels exposed just from the singular way she admits to miyeon that she wants her to stay, selfish in her admittance and yet fragile like glass, approaching with a step and taking another back in fear of what is..or was to come. 

Alyssia Park Da-hee Aesthetics & Headcanon: Better Days Ahead

“i like you. i’m glad i can say that to you.”

@miyeonfmd

word count: 696 words

fmdalyssia​:

↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] PLEASE spare me from those photos. ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] as much as I love hear you compliment me, i don’t want to see them ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] I was going to start charging people to pinch my cheeks but… ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] for you? completely free  ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] just pay me back with cuddles and you’ll be fine ❤️ ❤️ ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] and no, ur cuter than me ! ! ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] i promise i rlly rlly love you too. ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] saving this RIGHT NOW. but i need more D: ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] wait. ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] first year?!?! why do you have those??? how many do you have??? 

“aly, hey.” a smile rises to his face and he only allows himself a few seconds to do a visual check that she seems to be doing okay. he’d ask, but he knows all too well the plight of both endless health questioning and how fragile a thing the mind is that it can be thrown off its steady climb upward by the mere reminder of where it had once been.

“doughnuts? i’ve never made doughnuts. is that what you had in mind?” he’d gone a little overboard on buying every variation of potential ingredient he could, evidenced by the half-unpacked paper bags on his kitchen counter, but doughnuts hadn’t even occurred to him.

she bounces into his territory, almost like a ball of energised fun, too high on a curtain of consumed sugar from sweetened coffee perhaps only thirty minutes ago, and yet still eager to have more, seeking for treats like a child to a candy as she flits from one place to another, flighty until she settles in her favourite place, drawn--with a sound of effective and delighted surprise, to the pack of newly bought baking supplies and sugar.

her toes curl, and then balances, right on her tippy feet, peering over the brown paper bags and plastic ones, almost nosediving completely into its contents as she pulled the supplies out as if she was unwrapping a present of a toybox, each item coupled with soft sounds of delight of her own. 

“nope!” his question is answered, giddy with surprise and completely excited as she peered up at him, eyes wide and arms thrown open. “lets bake everything!” she rocks back with childish glee, pattering towards the pots and pans, pulling spatulas from drawers and completely forgetting the existence of propriety as she took on the particular task of ensuring that they were more than well prepared for this battle with sweet treats. 

“ we can make doughnuts, and then other candies. i’m sure we’ll eat everything today, so that would be quite sad if we can’t bring anything for the foodie affair thing.” she waves her hand in the air, the name of the event in particular completely passing over her head as she scrambled onto the chair, plopping herself down as she leaned over the counter, awaiting for his opinion. 

↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] ….is that from rookie era???? ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] i’m assuming that wasn’t meant for me but ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] i’ll send you a never seen before photo ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] attached image ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] um.. i’m gonna send some of my favorite photos too ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] attached image ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] attached image ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] attached image ↳ sent to [ alyssia💕 ] very cute if you ask me.

The clearing of a throat is not subtle at all, a reminder to her they’re not entirely alone, and she glances back only to meet a disapproving look from their manager before they once again disappear from the doorway. She had crossed a line with the younger and she knew that even without a reminder; they way the female visily keeps curling into herself and getting smaller (if that was even possible) by the minute, they way she’s so careful with her words as if she was scared of Charlie’s reaction — was she?

“Sorry.” Realization hits too late but the apology is still deserved. It’s soft but loud enough for the message to be received. Sensing it was going to be a long night, she lowers herself into a sitting position on the floor with her legs crossed. “We probably should.” I guess. Did she want to have this talk? Yes and no. Would they benefit from this? Only time will tell. “So… where do we start exactly?”

she's never been on the end of apologies before---well not that it hadn't happened before, more rather...as in not as much. it had always been a routine of her apologising before all others, especially when she felt certain that it was most, if not all of her own personal wrongs that was the mark of any start of arguments.

"you don't have to apologise?" the lack of understanding of the nature of the apology is fleeting, but still significant. "and for what's worth, i'm sorry too. i don't like to be sensitive but i can't really..help it sometimes." a hand rushes to the nape of her neck, almost out of habit and temptation of self comfort as she reaches over to the cushion and plumps it up next to her, patting down the spot right on it as she gazed up at charlie hopefully. "sit with me?" the edges of her lips twitch, almost painfully difficult in her attempt to muster up a slight smile for reassurance, her other hand reaching over to yank on the blinds and let the moonlight flood in as she sagged into her seat, squinting her eyes slightly as she tossed a little amongst the tiny fort that she had made for her own.

"maybe we can start with the beginning. if you want." she offered, turning her head slightly to blink at charlie, a strange calm settling over her bones, almost as though she had accepted that some form of disclosure between the both of them was duly needed. "or i could just answer any questions that you want answered." she blinks, almost tempted to snuggle in closer towards the older girl, but still overly hesitant on expressing such physical affection with charlie.

out of all of the bee members, charlie and her, weren't necessarily close.

would it be weird to even sidle herself a little closer and hope that charlie didn't find out?

a small pout resurfaced on her lips as she struggled internally with the question, sighing and quickly inching close to the older girl before regret could even creep up on her.