Hooooly fucking shit. I logged into a super old blog (from like, 2017 or some shit) to delete it and tumblr showed me a post with incredibly concerning, reputation-damaging shit my ex is saying about me.
My ex has a history of lying about people she breaks off with, so I knew she would eventually turn me into another one of her Evil Exes. So here is my perspective and what proof I have to defend myself. ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
CW: Mentions of emotional abuse, screenshots of sexual conversations.
Basically itâs comments under a post sheâs made complaining about the relationship structure we agreed to as KIDS before we restructured it. Whatever, right? She can be pissed at me if she wants. When I saw the post I was only mildly miffed but there was a ton of comments, and I have no willpower, so I clicked.
Jfc. To make it clear, this is complete BS. She is lying about me, potentially because she knows I could say some serious shit about her role in our relationship.
The âpipelineâ she is referring to is that I believe transgender men and transmasc people are oppressed. Clearly a radical belief.
1: Claims Iâm transmis ogynistic, and âquotesâ multiple things I straight up have never said.
We had e-dated for over a decade, I am not perfect and Iâm sure I made mistakes. She was never perfect either, and after a fall-out with a transmasculine ex friend she was became pretty bigoted towards transmasculine people. She mentions ghosting because towards the end of the relationship I would not open Discord for days up to a week at a time. At that point, I associated Discord with being manipulated, badgered into taking sexual pictures that I had no drive or energy for, being snapped at over everything, and being emotionally abused. I still struggle with using discord because I associate it so heavily with being abused.
I never avoided her because she talked about her struggles, I always made time and space for her to vent, and I put so much emotional labor into comforting her and validating her experiences. But! My emotional labor means nothing because I have officially been painted black and â¨discardedâ¨. I donât know what sheâs on about with the amab socialization BS, I donât believe in that and would NEVER say that. I dunno how to prove a negative.
2: Claiming that I am a SEXUAL ABUSER(!!!) and taking our MUTUAL fetish out of context.
I cannot believe I have to talk about my fetishes PUBLICLY but here we go. We were in a consensual BDSM relationship and occasionally played with sadomasochism including fantasies about branding and marking (biting, scratching & hickeys). She was an enthusiastic, willing partner and we had discussed our limits multiple times throughout. BTW, we began playing this way in May 2015 when I was 16 years old and she was 19. Of course we werenât perfect, we were kids.
Thereâs nothing wrong with being into BDSM. Our entire relationship I knew I was at risk of being accused of being abusive because I was the dom/sadist. Branding had always been her thing, I was into it conceptually but logically knew it wasnât super smart. If anything, I was more cautious than she was. Tbh re-reading all this I think she thought by âmarkingâ I wanted to do really intense stuff when I just meant hickeys and scratches??
3: Claiming that I was a sex pest (?)
And again, âquotingâ shit I never said. Despite this being a common transphobic tactic that she was afraid would be used against her, she doesnât care about being transphobic to transmascs. IMO, if anyone pushed boundaries, it was her. She had a habit of acknowledging my sex repulsion and asexuality in the same breath as bringing up sex, or asking for lewd pictures at inappropriate times while also saying âjust kidding! âŚUnless?â I usually just went with it and tried to play into what she wanted because I liked feeling useful. I donât know where she got the line about being considerate. That is never something I would say and I canât find anything like that in the messages I have. Again, how do I prove a negative?
So thatâs all I wanted to defend myself about. I want to make it clear that Iâm not showing the shit she did to me or the emotionally abusive stuff. I frankly donât want to relive that and itâs nobodyâs business but my therapistâs. Our relationship was incredibly toxic and codependent and I still have mental scars from her emotional abuse. I never wanted to talk about it like this or share personal information about our sex life, but my reputation has been threatened so I am forced to tell at least part of my story. Iâm done with being a doormat and handling her with kid gloves. I donât care what she says about me on this hellsite and I hope I never stumble upon any of it ever again. But I canât ignore being called an SA-er.
Her habit of twisting the situation and lying about shit to make herself seem the better person (look up âhoovering + BPDâ) is exactly why I still have our old personal discord (from which I have deleted her pictures, mind you). I knew she would do this, because I watched her do it in real time to her ex-friend. This is a common thing with abusers. As soon as they donât need you anymore, or as soon as you put up boundaries for yourself, they will switch on you and make up whatever they need to in order to make themselves feel like they did no wrong. I excused this behavior the whole relationship, even months after I broke up with her, because I genuinely thought that I couldnât be mad at her for her BPD symptoms. I thought I would be the asshole if I held her accountable because âshe canât help it.â And thatâs why I I walked on eggshells and let myself be abused for years. Fuck that! People can still be held accountable for the stuff they do even if it is influenced by their disorder. I should never have betrayed my own feelings for someone elsesâ.
Honestly, I feel like writing all of this out has been super healing. Even if nobody reads this at least Iâve said it.
I have to live the rest of my life knowing she is going around making up blatant lies about me, so it makes me feel marginally better to refute at least some of them. Who knows what else sheâs said⌠considering the stuff she told me about her ex friend that she did this same thing to, I wouldnât be surprised if sheâs claiming I was responsible for 9/11 lmfao. If you see absurd claims, at least come to me first before taking it as fact.
















