Because @rozanohwell said that THE Shane Hollander, Master of Research would apply his Spreadsheets Skills to his sex life too, and sheâs RIGHT :
Picture Ottawaâs rookies going to Ilya for sex advice (like âyeah heâs married now but he used to have a playboy reputation so he must have a ton of Experienceâ˘ď¸â), and Ilya gives them a lecture about consent and respecting your partnerâs boundaries, and ends it with âbut if you want advice about *positions* and toys, ask my husband, he loves doing researchâ with a Cheshire Cat grin.
And the rookies are confused, Hollander and the Captain are married, of course theyâre doing stuff together, and Hollander is super knowledgeable about hockey stats and strategies, but *sex* research??
They go talk to Shane anyway (the girlfriend of one of them is really not having fun in bed, so heâs willing to try anything), and they half expect him to blush and say Ilya was joking. But Shane gets very serious, puts his glasses on and starts asking questions. Solo, couple or more people involved? Do you want to try it on her or her on you ? What does your typical foreplay actually look like ? He encourages them to take notes.
There are spreadsheets, toys and lube recommendations, stuff is ranked from âcan be fully spontaneousâ to âextensive prep requiredâ.
Itâs a full Advanced Sex Ed course, and the rookies get way more help than they ever hoped for. Also some judgement too, because âwhat do you mean you donât go down on your girl on the regular ? Man thatâs disappointingâ.
They end up sharing what they learned with rookies on other teams, because the knowledge is so good, they canât gatekeep it. The Hollander Files became somewhat of a legend amongst younger players.
Once in a while a kid from the team theyâre playing against will come up to Shane after the game, âso my partner wants to try this thing and itâs not in the Files, do you have advice on how to approach it ?â
And Shane will laugh at Ilya, âsee, research IS usefulâ before helping the rookie.
And Ilya is like âI never said it isnât, I just wish youâd stop talking about it when Iâm balls deep inside youâ.