𝖌𝖊𝖙 𝖚𝖕, 𝖈𝖔𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖉

And A big part of The Steps (disclaimer: can be reinterpreted and used atheistically but were invented from a religious perspective) is giving yourself over to God and making peace with the idea that you don’t have power over your life, God does, and God will purify your soul and forgive your sins when you follow this Addiction Rulebook yada yada.

It’s a trauma thing and it’s an Armand-ism, the way that he is perpetually unable to just Exist and Figure it out As He Goes. He NEEDS this structure that can tell him what to do and how to live and keep him stuck together with glue so that he doesn’t fall apart. But it’s also very very autistic, this inability to navigate nuanced, deeply social, deeply human conflicts and situations outside of a routine, or a structure, or a This is How You Do This Step by Step pamphlet.

And god, Armand is so heartbreaking in this episode you just feel for him so much 😭. He’s fumbling around stuttering like a child and of course it’s not working. Of course the formulaic neat-little-bow 12 steps approach is not vast enough to amend the kind of shit Armand’s done and the history he has with these people. But the heartbreaking part is he really genuinely is being sincere. He really is trying to be good, he’s just so so unable to connect with people in the fundamental common ways that social interaction is built on.

His apology notes are written like ChatGPT or some weird overly formal archaic textbook summary of his history, and he reads his own words from the “deepest regions of his soul” sounding like a phone operator unconfidently rehearsing the side effects of a bowel softener. He’s staring at the page with his hand shaking without a whiff of earnestness on his flat placid face, and I can’t blame lestat or Daniel at all for laughing in his face and calling bullshit. But I understand him I really do and god it’s sad.

I feel like such a big part of the disconnect with that part of the fandom that theorizes every single thing Armand does and says, regardless of logic or characterization or plot, is some sort of deeply contrived elaborate evil lie or scheme is because they fail to understand that Armand is just very legitimately awkward 💀. Like yes he is dangerous, yes he is powerful, yes he is very old, but this does not somehow contradict the idea that he is genuinely just awkward and not that clever and not great at communicating like a person.