this fish is sleeping...

"unbecoming" is such a great word. bro that shit was so rude you no longer Are

The dinosaur’s name is Jerry

being married to a man as a woman seems like one of those punishments from the bible

Book from 2220 titled "Kin drama in the discord - recreational escapism in the late american empire"

new rule: im gonna kill everyone

I took my little brother (autistic, mostly non verbal) out and he was using his voice keyboard to tell me something, and this little boy (maybe 4 or 5?) heard him and asked me "Is he a robot??" I tried to explain to him that no, he isn't a robot, he just communicates differently, but my darling brother was in the background max volume "I am robot I am robot I am robot I am robot"

practicing self care less out of self love and more for the sheer logical reasoning of it’d be kinda stupid of me to expect myself to be able to function without proper maintenance

“oh i don’t deserve rest and relaxation, i haven’t done enough, i haven’t earned it” and my car’s breaks don’t deserve break fluid because they aren’t breaking well enough to earn it. that’s what you sound like!!!!!

If you do not schedule time for maintenance, your equipment will schedule it for you

Times are hard at the cafe so they only got Something bagels

Can you swap their heads ?

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

kaiju are so awesome because they represent humanity’s innate desire to break our own toys and kick over our own sandcastles. we want them to punish us for building tanks and skyscrapers. we like it because secretly we deserve it

they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance

last night I said 'how fortuitous' unironically

Somebody used “pray tell” in the wrong context yesterday and it took all my willpower not to say anything