horrific boygirl winter

one thing no one ever teaches you is that you can just make things nicer and more intentional- you can take your energy drink, pour it in a rocks glass over ice with a slice of lime on the rim, and sip it slow. and you'll think, "wow i am the biggest faggot to have ever lived". and you know what? you're right.

imagine u go from being a sex slave with hyper sexual compulsions having sex like multiple times a day everyday since u were a child, to a member of a Catholic cult that demands its members not even look at their genitals monk style, and u live like this for hundreds of years until ur life times of celibacy is finally broken by LESTAT DE LIONCOURT. Like and people wonder why Armand is crazy. Imagine the first touch of passion that u have been longing for for an amount of time impossible to conceptualize by a mortal is the touch of LESTAT DE LIONCOURT, guy who thinks that calling himself “bad daddy” in bed is hot, and then he immediately forgets about u after u gave up ur lifetimes of celibacy to suck his mediocre dick

If i dont [experience pathologically concerning sex act] within the next [arbitrary time period] im going to [federal agency watchphrase]

This really is what grocery shopping in college was like

Less Catholic cannibals and more Protestant cannibals. Cannibalism Not as devotion, not as love, not as sacrifice, not even as a hunger to be sated or an urge to be denied- Cannibalism as a duty. Cannibalism as a job you don’t like doing. Cannibalism as a business. Cannibalism as a task devoid of enjoyment or even emotion. It’s just that, a task, but you have to do it because good boys finish their meals. And you are a good boy, aren’t you?

*horny guy voice* someone pls cut me open and dig around in my guts

in the bathroom straight up "sawing it". and By it i mean. heh, let's just say. my foot