Figured I might start blogging about my experience trying to write a story I have had rolling around in my head for a decade. I have no real experience writing other than one fanfic I wrote forever ago, which obviously had the benefit of an already realized set of characters and a fleshed out world. Writing something from scratch is so much harder, and it took me a long time to be comfortable with how bad I am at it. I knew going in that my first draft, pribably first drafts, just wouldn't be any good. I try to focus on just getting words on paper, but I find myself backtracking so often because I'll get two thirds of the way into the scene and just realize that is the most "tell don't show" thing I've ever read.
This isn't a negative post though, I have made a lot of progress. I have 150 pages of a first draft, and what started out as five or six scenes and a couple world building ideas in my head is growing into a complete story bit by bit. I am proud of the progress I've made, and I know how proud I'll be once I have a full draft, but even then thats only the start. I have a hundred little comments on the doc to go back and research something that I originally did a fifteen second google to confirm. My characters can be one dimensional, and I think thats largely due to me not having written or read enough. With life and work, I haven't read like I used to as a kid. I really need to get back at it, and while I obviously want to just enjoy it, I also feel the need to be very deliberate about it. My literary analysis muscle has atrophied and I need to make a conscious effort to work it. With a full time job though and just life expectations, it can be really hard to choose to read a serious piece of fiction and analyze it instead of just playing Doom Eternal. Add on to that that I haven't ever taken a serious english or writing class since 2015, I also need to put in serious effort into studying and bettering my writing style.
There is just a lot to do, and I expect it will take years to get this thing finished to the degree I want. I guess I am posting this here now though because I finally feel like I am going to get it done. I've invested enough time that I refuse to let it go unfinished at this point, even when it does occassionally start to drag. I've made peace with the fact that it isn't good, hell that it may never be good. I've made peace with the fact that I am going to hit a lot of writing blocks, stall out on sections and completely tear pieces of the story out because they don't fit anymore. I've made peace with the fact that this is going to be really fucking difficult, and I want to do it anyway.
