the dood

it would be so fucking embarrassing if we meet aliens and they are like wow you guys have the same technology as we did 300 gyroaays (unit of time) ago, that's awesome. and we are like wooo that's so cool and they are like yeah so what are your thoughts on electrons and glorons and we just like missed glorons and they are so important and easy to discover but we missed it and have eben fuccking around and they laigh at our shitty science built around the gaping wound that is the absence of glorons

revealing your scaring the hoes type interests early on in a relationship is a good way to secure only hoes of bravery and fortitude that will craft horrible dreams and beautiful nightmares with you

crazy how the printer is the only piece of tech that acts up like that almost every day of its life. and we just accept it

i don't think i've ever met a printer that actually wanted to be a printer. i think most printers have dreams of being on the stage

having a hard time focusing today. i've also had a hard time focusing for the previous 15 or so years leading up to now but this post is about today.

it takes a village to destroy a baby (powerful baby)

medieval girlblogger looking at an illumination of a young martyr: ugh she shouldst be in the tavern

this wasn't a quote from a real PDF btw I just thought it would be funny to tex this up so it looked like one instead of posting it directly

the next evolution of Tumblr shitposting is looking promising

This is what they meant when they said that tumblr was gonna be the next pdf

bro my dad “went to dinner” at my favorite mexican restaraunt and said he’d bring me home a burrito and it’s fucking 9pm

my dad is having an affair

dad brought me the promised burrito just now so here’s my obligatory post exonerating him from infedelity

that burrito was fantastic. i’m inclined to think my dad has never had sex in his life

You don’t wanna know what happens when your kidneys are idiot bitches.

Appendix: the Unabomber

i wish someone would pet and love me unconditionally like a dog (remembers people follow me and see my posts) ive actually never cared about or wanted anything

disliking a book that your friends have liked is the worst feeling in the world... i'm going to get a bad grade in friend, something that is both normal to fear and possible to achieve

meanwhile liking a book they dislike instantly grants you a lollypop and propeller hat