The play may be over, but the show goes on

The only two characters he seems to have had prior relationships with outside of Thjazi are Bolaire and Thimble, which we know that Bolaire is his dealer and he had some kind of bad experience with Tyranny she keeps bringing up where he started crying that Bolaire is aware of, so it makes sense for him to not want to get very cozy with people he absolutely cannot risk being vulnerable in front of.

He also just had the second worst day of his life hanging around with Bolaire and Tyranny, but also Wick, which then makes Occtis the only other person from a noble house he's around right now (and Julien is a bit of a snob). Julien and Occtis also both very much have their worldviews shaped by the broader caste system they were raised in, so they are the most similar in how they speak to and interact with others. They speak the same language in a way even Wick doesn't because he was raised so religious that the way he was raised to engage with other people is very different from how the children of the other houses seem to behave.

Occtis also knows better than to push Julien, because their upbringings were similar enough that they both understand not to ask questions the other one doesn't want to answer. Occtis has previously been pretty meek anyway, but he's also just not a person who is going to ask Julien about his trauma responses because he doesn't want to invite Julien to ask about his. This part of the dynamic is subject to change fairly easily, but at this moment I think they're both way more interested in dealing with the right now than they are the past or future.

Julien did try to bond with the other martials, but then pretty quickly realized that they had all been on the other side of the Falconers Rebellion and were close friends of Thjazi, so he can't default into the only other world he's comfortable in (being a soldier) which means he's retreated back to being a noble, putting him squarely back in Occtis's orbit. Plus Occtis doesn't have the same deep connection with Thjazi most of the others do. Thimble and Azune will get defensive and angry if Julien talks shit, the worst Occtis gets is annoyed because while he's grateful to Thjazi and I think feels indebted to him, it's not that deep love some of the others have.

Then throw that in Aranessa is gone which puts Julien at sixes and sevens because he doesn't have his anchor of being able to protect someone (his liege, his subordinates, etc) but Occtis is someone who is smaller and physically weaker and hey he's a noble! So Julien can default back into his comfort zone - the thing he was literally raised from the cradle to do.

I also think that proximity to Occtis desensitized him to the dead thing, plus his field trip with Bolaire where he's like "never mind I think I prefer the horror that is within my comprehension" have helped. But also, he has (for lack of a better term) forgiven Occtis for what his family did. After the thing with Tertia and seeing what the Tachonis are comfortable doing to their own children, he's warmed up to him and I think it's because it allowed him to start seeing Occtis as another victim.

In a big way, Occtis is the only tether Julien has to his old life right now. He's an heir with no house, a soldier with no battle, an instructor with no students, and a knight with no liege. He can easily slot Occtis into at least one of those roles in a way that allows him to continue with a familiar pattern of how to interact with the world: he's shielding Occtis the way he had done with Aranessa because Aranessa isn't here and Occtis is the only one he can rationalize doing that to.

"My life is in your hands." (C4E22)

It's so interesting to me that Teleghen wasn't (at first glance) monstrously evil like I kind of expected. The artesans seem largely content, working hard for a giant corporation to be sure, but not ridiculously exploited.

However, I think it so telling that when their employees start pushing back against the system, even in a very small way, the benign facade starts dropping. Honestly, "pushing back" is too strong of a term; really it was just exerting agency in any way. Chee (and Hannah and Ikat before her) were trying to do something something small, that would have been a net positive for everyone.

And for, as far as we know, no other reason than it wasn't fully in pursuit of profit and and Teleghen wants to clamp down on employee agency (and "you don't leave while you are still profitable," but Chee wasn't even suggesting she leave), they respond to this tiny proposed change with a decisiveness and harshness that eventually made violent revolt the only way forward.

This feels very telling and relevant to our world. There are absolutely corporations and systems dealing in monstrous, obvious evil. But often it looks like Teleghen. If you never even give the illusion of "stepping out of line," you can often go with the flow and not encounter the ugly, violent underbelly of a system. But even one toe outside of expected boundaries, even or especially when you are trying to make positive change, can lay bare the violence and coercion at the heart of a system.

Welcome to our fair city. I hope that you enjoy your stay.

the more he respects or admires or loves a person, the more i think he falls in the mistake of trying to present himself as who he thinks they'd like him to see. for thjazi he was the useful asset, for members of the torn banner he wants them to see a grown reliable soldier after all these years. he was very focused on protecting hal now that thjazi isn't there to keep him out of this anymore, and luis has mentioned on multiple accounts that he tries to keep a lot of the person he was for thjazi hidden. he keeps bringing up to murray, who has very strong morals and convictions, that this, who he's pretending to be, isn't him.

comparing it to vaelus, who they had a very important scene together but don't really know each other. that this was the language of his people. or bolaire, who at best they knew each other in passing prior to the schemers arc. he gets his questioning about people and things. his more philosophical questions in general. he gets the correct pronunciation of his name. the less he feels like there are expectations, in a way, of him the more he expresses himself more easily.

his way of attempting to gain julien's trust i think is very telling on his attempt to maintain trust with everyone. 'i will tell the story you chose to tell.' he rarely corrects or contradicts people. he's suppressed his individuality or myriad of reasons. he is to be useful always, for what people need of him. and it shows why his relationships are either so fractured or distant. he does have a hand in creating that distance without realising it.

It's unclear exactly how putting Termina into the Coffin of Olbalad would transform her into a plowshare in the Cloak's original plan, since our local godkilling queen is on the loose and still very much wants to kill gods, but maybe that means it simply didn't work. Maybe because Termina is sentient and didn't agree, she could not be "transformed" from her original purpose/nature without her consent. If that's the case, I think that's fitting. It reinforces the sentience of the Panto masks and that the Cloak did not fully understand their nature.

Bringing this around to Bolaire: a plowshare is a powerful weapon whose purpose is transformed from destructive to creative/cultivative, and by doing so gains new power. And anyone can make plowshares. Shadia transformed the god-killing Pariah Blades into plowshares by painting them and making them harmless props in a momentously inspiring stage play. If Bolaire could truly accept the fact of his own personhood and agency - actually believe it - he would be materially transcending his original design as solely a god-killing weapon. Bam! Plowshare who also happens to also be a little guy. And in this unique event where a plowshare is also a person with thoughts and feelings, rather than an inert configuration of materials, it makes sense that what would transform is how he thinks/acts as opposed to how he is "used". Choosing to build a bridge to free dead souls is also creative rather than destructive. Making the choice to participate in that could make him a plowshare even if he's still figuring himself out internally.

As I write this, I was just hit over the head with the realization that Brennan is pointing at Bolaire to be the plowshare, too, in literal neon colors. Per Mara, the Coffin of Olbalad is "the paint" in the trinity of plowshares needed for the bridge-building ritual (a halfling Panto mask the second, a demonic anchor is the third). Mara and Thjazi originally put the pieces of Termina inside the coffin, intending her to be the plowshare. The magically painted Bolaire-and-Figment (technically created of a plowshare themselves!) traveled to the surface of the coffin and wanted to get in. Painted!Bolaire also rejoices and says he's not alone, prodding Bolaire to look at how he as a person fits into the world and community around him.

I think this would be an incredible parallel to Bolaire and the desperation and confusion that comes with not being in control of whether you exist or not. When they are in places with thinner veils where Thjazi's soul itself can create a shadow to occupy, he's more tempered, he is in control of his "body" but in situations like going into the Eternal Night, Thjazi would've suddenly found himself in the dark surrounded by shades again, like on the night of the Davinos Massacre.

Thjazi was there in Julien's shadow by then and he didn't act even with the circle of death stuff thinning the veil, likely because he was in shock and then Julien was doing exactly what Thjazi would've done. Done his best to kill Primus and then IMMEDIATELY find Aranessa and make sure she's safe. Thjazi would die for Aranessa and to make sure this ritual that Primus was attempting didn't work, so he's fucked up but the lack of control isn't so awful, but then he's thrown into the middle of it in the Eternal Night night when Julien lights that torch and Thjazi panics. WHERE is Aranessa? FIND her. Imagine suddenly waking up in your worst nightmare and your wife's favourite cousin is SWARMED by undead, what do you do? Yoink that fucker by the first part of him you can reach and RUN.

In the manor, the torchlight and gloom gave Thjazi a lot of freedom. He could ask Julien if he wanted to go save Teor and put Julien's dad to rest, and he can respect that it's Julien's decision because it's Julien's life and Julien's dad. Then Hannan got rid of the gloom, and the only light to cast Thjazi's shadow body was the lightning that Thjazi has to act on NOW or NEVER, and it's THIMBLE and then Thimble's best friend stops him and the next lightning strike, Thjazi doesn't try it again.

Then in Hal's, they suddenly throw a spotlight on Julien and they say nothing, then Bolaire goes in with the one thing they have in hand that can really fuck up his shadow and he panics and nearly hurts someone the same way and for the same reasons as Bolaire, and nearly hurts someone close to Hal and the Theatre like Thjazi was so threatening to Bolaire about, and he doesn't try to force Julien's body anywhere to show Hal he's there because he's fucked up and in the most disorienting of positions and maybe only realized what exactly was happening by reading that letter in Koral's room, but he could tell that time he moved Julien's body, and he doesn't want to do that even to comfort his brother.