im funny i swear

but i’ve been on twitter recently and there is a fucking DELUGE of people promoting the idea of “bisexual lesbians” (never bisexual gay men but like… that’s a tangential dialogue for another time). this idea that you can be bisexual and a lesbian at the same time is a direct product of the split attraction model.

this is the EXACT shit i was talking about when I said rhetoric from ace community is not compatible, at all, with the LGBT community.

sexualizing the -sexual suffix so “bisexual” SOLELY means “SEXUALLY attracted to the opposite gender” so someone can be bisexual and “homoromantic” is ACTIVELY harmful to lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals. it sexualizes bisexuals without consent and COMPLETELY redefines what gayness is so it can include attraction to the “opposite” gender.

and this is just one example of how ace inclusion–not just the inclusion of cisgender, straight aces but also the prioritization of ace ideals–hurts the LGBT community. the rhetoric that you can have sex with people you aren’t attracted to to “make it work” romantically is conversion therapy rhetoric. Ace inclusion makes it seem like the LGBT community is about our relationships to sex when that just isn’t true. Ace inclusion means “desexualizing” LGBT spaces so as not to upset asexuals. All this shit AND MORE is happening in real time and I’ve watched it get worse and worse, hand in hand with the commercialization of LGBT pride and the liberalization of LGBT activism.

ace rhetoric is eroding LGBT identities. the idea of the “bisexual lesbian” and other mogai microidentities where you parse every single aspect of your identity into a different label is actively harming vulnerable LGBT people.

and, no, this isn’t me saying “even LGBT aces have to go,” but this is me saying that putting ace identities at the forefront of ANY LGBT discussions leaves a lot of space for harm for LGBT people. and that any fucking ace rhetoric besides “it’s okay to not feel sexual attraction or want to have sex” comes at the expense of LGBT identity.

genuinely, the concept of “bisexual lesbian” is a direct product of the ace community and it has caused lesbians and bisexual women irreparable harm. and aces should be ashamed of this because this is what they have been defending for years.

this is the EXACT shit we said would come out of the split attraction model and now we have TEENAGERS telling strangers and adults “i’m sexually attracted to [x genders] but only romantically into [y]” and y’all think this is okay. even if it weren’t fucking INSANE to say lesbians can be attracted to men or that bisexuals can be half gay or half straight, you’d STILL be out of fuckng line having KIDS center identities around SOLELY sexual attraction.

I watched irl queer groups disintegrate bc a few ppl who got into leadership positions used that to make the space hostile towards ace ppl (among others as well), saw friends go from being loud and proud aces n aros to actively avoiding any mention of it and letting ppl assume their sexuality. I myself, having been IDing as ace for 10 years at least, have in the past couple since this whole “"discourse”“ came into being, actively and intentionally stopped telling anyone at all that I’m ace. To put that in some kind of perspective, I am incredibly out as trans and will actively out myself pretty constantly except to total strangers I will never see again. I feel safer telling ppl I’m trans than ace. Especially in queer spaces. It’s fucked me up so much I didn’t even quite grasp how much but today my therapist asked me for the first time about like romantic relationships and I physically could not say I am aro and ace. Completely incapable, utterly frozen, and I just kinda let her believe what she will. Ironically the fact that I’ve gone from being willing and ready to tell ppl I’m ace as just another facet of myself to entirely unable and unsolicited to tell anyone, is probably a thing one might want to talk w one’s therapist about.

a) will no longer tell people i am ace until months into a knowing each other & even then am completely prepared for rejection, bc that is what my online experience has taught me to expect.

b) am more afraid to tell queer people that i’m ace than straight people - genuinely! i am more concerned that queer people will react badly to that than straight people!

Being LGB, that is, being lesbian, gay, or bisexual: all of these things affect more than your bedroom life or your relationship with your partner. They affect just about everything in your life, because who you love, marry, settle down with, and/or raise kids with is a prominent part of our culture. Not to mention being the proverbial “T"ransgender is even more involved than that, since you have to change everything down to the little three or two letter honorific words people call you at the supermarket.

The problem with asexual discourse is not that it’s ridiculous (it is) or that it’s unproductive (it also is). It’s that it’s fundamentally flawed. So, so many vocal asexual people on Tumblr are obsessed with forcing their narratives into every single space that they see as “queer.” They are fixated on that notion of “fitting into the queer community” because of what? Because they…don’t have sex…and don’t experience sexual attraction?

Ola from Sex Education

David from Schitt’s Creek

Ali from Big Mouth

Three different shows, three different ways of describing pansexuality. What do they all have in common? The assertion they are attracted to trans people. More than that, it’s the assertion that pansexuality is defined as a sexuality through attraction to trans and nb people. While some people might protest that this is an inaccurate representation of pansexuality, it is very much in line with it’s slogan: hearts not parts. This also has the additional implication that other sexualities are not inclusive of trans and nonbinary people or care more about genitals, which enables transphobes to define what it means to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Gay, lesbian, and bi people can and do have trans and nb partners and in fact are often trans/nb themselves.

A lot of people in the notes are saying that this is just the bad media representation and isn’t representative of the pansexual community, but until recent backlash, this was exactly almost word for word how anyone I‘ve known who identifies as pansexual explained how their sexuality is different from bisexual people.

if they are a troll they’re a really dedicated one.

the crazy acey drama has been going on FOREVER. like.. january of 2018 crazy acey had a discord server (actually i think it was owned by asexualbenvolio but we’ll unpack that in a second) for queer shakespeare headcanons and there was SO MUCH drama. like, one of the members was making islamiphobic “jokes” about 9/11, crazy acey kinning old gregg and being super transmisogynistic about it, honestly i can go on for hours that entire server was a shitshow. eventually enough exclus took over and they deleted the server.

but the lore of crazy acey and asexualbenvolio’s former friendship runs really deep. crazy acey would do shitty things to benvolio CONSTANTLY. like posting intentionally triggering images and blaming it on age regression (???), blaming them for drama that was happening in the server, forcing them to ban certain people from the server even if they did nothing wrong, etc. even though benvolio owned the server, acey called the shots and would guilt benvolio into doing whatever they wanted. and no matter what benvolio would defend crazy acey. and now on tumblr asexualbenvolio has been calling out acey for their problematic behavior, which is honestly really nice to see.

exclusionists rb this and I’ll follow you *