mommy will never leave you

when i was 13 i made up a group of ocs who were gifted the ability to teleport but with caveats that made it really irritating for them and everyone else. i can’t remember all of them but two. one of them could only pass from place to place through water. they could jump into something as small as a cup of tea and come out the other side through a puddle or something but notably they did get wet. so any time they teleported anywhere they arrived soaking wet. they had to go everywhere with a waterproof paddling bag as a purse. the other could only teleport between occupied bathrooms. any bathroom in the world was fine but it had to be in use. they could just ask a friend to go in first and cheat it that way but in an emergency they’d just have to barge in on someone with their eyes closed and yell “SORRY! SORRY!” and disappear immediately from existence.

i hope the original author sees this thread go by (or y'all are leaving comments on ao3), there is a A LOT of love in the tags and they absolutely deserve it

hey, I'm isaac chotiner I wrote this! I thought a small handful of people might enjoy it and instead it is by some margin the most popular thing I've ever posted on ao3. two key takeaways: 1) the people crave affectionate fidelity to the new yorker style guide, and 2) yuletide rules

Matt Levine linked to my fic in Money Stuff and described it as "Isaac Chotiner/Shirley Jackson fan fiction," I feel like I'm on drugs and/or hallucinating

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

my ideal existence is not knowing about the oscars or the super bowl or any of that horseshit...I jerk off to clear running water and live off whatever wanders into my open mouth

feeling guilty over not working on your fic is so silly if you think about like why are you stressing over the hobby you do in your free time for fun lol wip not whip