a totally viable, much better plan B

a rollercoaster from start to finish

Steve looks so confused in the last pic and that’s what makes it so funny

My one boring tip to anyone in their 20s is to resist the temptation to rot in your room every time you get a free moment. Dismiss any neuroses you have about going outside and "being perceived". Be a dictator about it, plan your hangouts like they are binding commitments. No excuses! Go to the bar with your friends. Be kinda hungover at work. Socializing is like exercise; even if you don't feel like you want to, you should still do it because it's good for you.

so basically the five people who wanted to uphold his exile were in the right

my uncle (named big michael, you will soon find out why) who is 6’9 (Now You Understand) just arrived to sleep over at our place, i was not informed, there are no lights on in the hall, he has a key, and it is 34 minutes past midnight. So that is all to say, I do think with some certainty, that I am now, officially, the first human being who has come this close to seeing the boogie man in real life, and survived. He unfolded himself through that door frame like a poorly made origami crane from hell.

Why does your post have lingerie on

God forbid a bitch be feeling herself while mentally ill in this economy 😢

seething about the fact that i will never experience photosynthesis in my own useless cells. i bet it feels so good when the light of the sun both warms you and fuels you at the same time. a bone-deep satisfaction mixed with a heated sugar-rush and endless brightness. not that i would fucking know

Danku lesbiennes!

really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite

yesterday she told me some story about the Buddha's wife and child and I was like. Wait. He fucked? And she was like yeah of course he fucked, why wouldn't he, he was the most attractive and loveable and and wise and etc. person who ever lived. why would he not fuck.

this morning she looked perplexed in the kitchen at me and said "did Jesus not fuck?"

my body knows something that i don’t and i can’t get her to talk to me

if you own k distinct colors of sock, you can draw k+1 arbitrary socks from your sock drawer and, by the pigeonhole principle, be guaranteed at least one matching pair. this is the only known application of combinatorics to the real world