Welcome to whatever this is

foolproof, huh? well. let me proof to you how fool I can be

“don’t take it personally” how would you like me to take it then? professionally? romantically? academically?

one of my favorite bits in doctor who is when someone is like your time machine doesn’t work very well does it and the doctor is like Excuse You, This Is A Type 40 TARDIS That Can Go Anywhere In Time And Space. that’s like if i drove to a place where they don’t have cars but know about them and took someone for a drive and they saw cooling that only works on one setting and heat that barely works and a broken cd player despite the functioning tape deck and shaky brakes and they went mate your cars a bit shit isn’t it and you were like fuck you, this is a 2002 toyota camry, it can drive on roads

the doctor is just like, i'm the designated driver and i get to choose which cliffs we drive off of. no, you cannot have the aux cord. i threw my stereo in the ocean

HAPPY LOS JIBBITIES EVERYBODY!!!

The time for Los Jibbities has arrived!

My grandma just called and, among other things, said “You have hips. That’s good! Men like hips!” and then she interrupted herself to say “Women like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never remember”  And I was like “Thanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.” and she was like “Okay, no one will comment on your hips!” very self satisfied, like “aha, I have figured it out” I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she can’t always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like “she’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit!”

Update: I gave it some thought and my estimate was wrong. Of the grandkids that are out, it’s 1/3, not ½

I told my grandma that I’d told my friends about what she said and that some of y’all had said you wished she was your grandma, and she said “Well, you can never have too many grandkids!”  So like…consider her your honorary grandma* I guess? *if you want an honorary grandma, that is

Update on my grandma: I told her my hair was standing up, but instead of straight line it was diagonal and she said “That’s okay, you’ve never been straight!” and then laughed so hard at her own joke I thought she was going to drop the phone

Happy almost pride month! Have my confused-but-supportive grandma!

An update: my grandma just called me to ask if I knew it was pride month

Happy pride month!!

if your animal is lying on the floor, furniture etc, it’s important to take a picture of them. then, if they move or shift in any way, it’s important to take another picture. with this technique, you can take many pictures of your animal

I’m inventing a holiday called Maslenitsapurimadan which is where you wait until sunset and then eat your own body weight in triangular pancakes

Maslenitsapurimadan is over guys now it’s Passeasterzan which is when you put ham on matzah and you’re not allowed to eat it. Sorry

When the aliens arrive, this post is how I would like them to learn about human culture

Is that a miette?

Pride for you!  Pride for a thousand years!!

you COME OUT to miette? you come out to her as queer? oh! oh! pride for mother! pride for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

why are scissors packaged the way they are it’s like they’re taunting us. Oh wow this is such a difficult awful packaging to get through that seems to cause physical damage to your hands as some sort of sick self defense mechanic, if only i had something to help get through it, something sharp perhaps

Official Post of Massachusetts