Just... Stuff

big fan of whatever the youth is doing to torment scientology buildings

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

“I don’t have that dog in me” is literally my favorite phrase. You are asking for a German shepherd and I am the humble chihuahua

i had a twisted dream this morning when my alarm tried to wake me up where jeff goldblum said 'Actually if you sleep a bit Longer you'll have More time to get ready It's called the Goldblum's Law and it works just go back to sleep' and i believed him and i overslept

hey boss sorry im late. i got Goldblumed

When you accidentally remove the load-bearing pierogi and the entire contents of the freezer come spilling out

i jusr invented a new disease everyone come & get it

"i like your tattoos" theyd look better on your bedroom floor

doctor will fix me they'll do a scan and find a terrible darkness seated in my stomach and be like "oh my god we're so sorry we were supposed to remove this at birth like everyone else, i don't know how this was missed, we're so sorry you've been living like this your whole life" and it'll fix my brain too and all clouds will part

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I once went to a petting zoo and got sooo confused. I didn't know where goat ended and human began. I fed a child dried oats.

Okay

I cried until I threw up