f0rg0tten

I've started worrking on a very fancy jewelry store, was handed a little bag of at least 13 of my salaries worth of gems to give to the proper gem people because that's my literal job and my brain, legitimately and entirely unironically mind you, went:

oh my god I don't trust me with this shit, what if I ✨️accidentally✨️ steal it????????

I've probably had OCD my whole life, despite not always understanding or knowing how to name it, and with intrusive thoughts, compulsions, and spirals I learned that my thoughts aren't mine.

...I was sexually assaulted as a kid and learned that my body isn't mine.

...I was raised in an environment that expected me to be have been born fully fledged and capable of solving everything, and learned that my purpose isn't mine.

...And since my purpose was never mine, I've spent my life trying to adapt and figure out the best courses of action according to the needs of the world around me, and learned that my actions aren't mine.

If you've ever played with kids more than once, you'll probably encounter certain toys that have a specific character attached to them, with a name and personality that stays fairly consistent throughout different playtimes. You may also be familiar with the very faulty and inconsistent storytelling kids use to spread out their imaginations: at some point, character A might go through a whole "storyline" where they end up losing their house, getting divorced, dying or any major life event that should have ample consequences and then, by the next playthrough, the kid is so fixated on a new scenario they wanna play that the "storyline" is dropped like it never existed, only to show up whenever it is relevant to the scenario the kid is playing through or completely changed halfway through; basically, the character's life is changing in real-time as the kid decides what they want to happen. I say all this, because I really like (in a "this is a horrifying concept" way) to think that this is basically what every citizen of Hatchetfield has to go through. At some point, the Lords in Black decided the city would be their playground, they had all these new toys with pre-written explorable storylines to play with, and now they are just putting them through scenarios they think would be fun and molding the world to their desires. Every "play session", the citizens of Hatchetfield get "reset-ed", falling into whatever role they are playing in the storyline at hand, changing their memories, stories, wants and needs to fit a new narrative until the Lord in Black playing gets bored and it's someone else's turn to play... like a purgatory version of a Sims game, where technically people can made their own decisions but is it even free will when all your traits are specifically chosen for you and all your options are limited to a certain number of programed actions? a sims game, where everyone is unknowingly just a pawn whose every though, action and decision can be modified at any time, erased at any time, made completely nonsensical at any time... all for a cosmic being's amusement.

It's also fun (in a "this is a horrifying concept" way) , through this lense, to imagine that the Lords in Black aren't even necessarily evil. There are no stakes for the Lords in Black during playtime, they are just doing shit in order to entertain themselves, seeing every person, animal and plant as an object as a literal toy whose whole purpose is to play their roles.

It's more complicated than that, and there's a lot of truly fascinating lore to dive in specially through characters that are able to break the mold like my beloved Miss Holloway, and I have (many) more thoughts but I feel like this meme right now so that's all you're getting

"This is heaven's will. There is no need for guilt; and no place for hope."

"Should another raise a war banner against the heavens someday, let my name be set upon its cloth."

1. the societal imposition of motherhood and it's impact on not only the mother but especially in the child that grows up knowing they are unwanted;

2. ambiguous love you can still hold for someone who doesn't deserve it or even want it;

3. complicated processes of grief that are intermingled with crippling guilt and lack of a solid place to place that blame;

4. the ideia of 'boys being boys' making space for the banalization of cruelty in young men and where that may lead;

5. negligence, complicated parent-child relationships, and whether or not you can ever truly blame someone for feelings they can't control;

and more!!!! can't wait to see what the tumblr folks are talking about it!!!!" only to be met with everyone just wanting the fuck the serial killer