the joke: explained

In their reply to the audience they then say they are picking her up from middle school, again implying that their girlfriend is underage, but quickly state she’s grading papers letting us know she’s a teacher, definitely an adult, and there no reason to be upset.

The rollercoaster gif portrays how switching from upset and worried to relieved in such a short period of time feels emotionally.

In their reply to the audience they then say they are picking her up from middle school, again implying that their girlfriend is underage, but quickly state she’s grading papers letting us know she’s a teacher, definitely an adult, and there no reason to be upset.

The rollercoaster gif portrays how switching from upset and worried to relieved in such a short period of time feels emotionally.

The other says “WISHES” and has two hand-shaped marks. 

The first reads: Presenting the new hit sequel to Sonic Forces: It includes an image of the Sonic Forces video game cover, but with “Horses” written over “Forces,” and with pictures of horses taped over the characters.

The second tweet reads: *Please note Sonic Horses is actually just a series of RNG lockboxes. Each lockbox has 1 of 200 possible tiny horses inside. You can customize your tiny horses with additional tiny accessory RNG lockboxes. Lockboxes awarded after 200 hours of gameplay or for $50 in Sonicbuxx ™ .

“Horses” is very similar to “Forces.” It sounds just the same except for the first letter. RNG stands for Random Number Generator. "RNG lockboxes” refers to a game mechanic that involves randomized items within the game that are then equipped to your character. 

Lots of people grew up with an older family member who reused the tin these cookies came in because it’s big and metal and comes with a lid; so people share the experience of seeing the tin, thinking there are cookies inside, and then being disappointed when they find that the cookies are gone and the tin just holds their grandma’s sewing supplies or something. 

Your mother was smiling like it was just a normal day.

“Hi, honey! How was school?”

“It - that doesn’t matter - We need to go to the hospital!”

She got very serious and wide-eyed. “Of course. I’ll only be a second. What happened? Where are you hurt?”

“Not me! You!”

She seemed to just completely pause, staring at you. Then her face washed with relief, and she laughed.

“Ahhh. It’s your Seeing Day! Of course. Congratulations. Please calm down, I’m fine.”

“What?!”

“In some families, when you reach a certain stage of brain development, you begin seeing the Stats. You’re about the age I was on my Seeing Day.”

“What.”

“You saw numbers over people’s heads all day at school, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t-”

“I know, I know. We should prepare you, but no one mentions it in case you don’t get the gift-”

“MOM, THERE IS A SKULL OVER YOUR HEAD!”

In video games "stats" mean a person or character’s skill levels or abilities reflected in numbers. 

The character in the story sees these numbers, and then they see a skull above their mother’s head. They have intuited that the stats refer to health level, so they panic and believe their mom is going to die. 

Their mother corrects them. She explains that she has a skull because her stats are either restricted from the main character’s view, or so high (i.e. she is so strong) that the main character can’t see it. She could be a “boss,” or an extra strong character in a video game that you have to defeat to complete a level. So the skull icon changes from an omen to something impressive or interesting.

This cracked me up.

Image 2: A judge is speaking to a witness in court. The witness is a villain in Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law.  Judge: State your first name, your last name, and your occupation. Lizardman: Lizardman, Lizardman, and lizardman.

Image 3: A person sitting at a desk is surprised by another person coming into their office.  Person A: Who are you and how did you get in here? Person B: I’m a locksmith, and I’m a locksmith.

All three of these images are different versions of the same gag. A person will ask several questions in a row, but the answer to all the questions is the same thing. 

The driver said: “The car is mine. I am headed to a mine. I mine for a living.” They are a miner by trade and that is their car.

Lizardman is a villain and all he does is be Lizardman. That’s his whole identity.

Me: I love my new indestructible walls I just wish I had some kool-aid

*audible thud outside house*

Me: what was that

Kool-Aid is a kind of juice. In Kool-Aid commercials, a sentient pitcher full of Kool-Aid would burst through a wall with a glass of Kool-Aid and say “Oh, yeah!” Sometimes it was because he was summoned. Other times it was because someone was thirsty. Other times, it seemed to happen for no reason at all, but kids were always excited to see the Kool-Aid Man.

This post has an accompanying post where the characters have burst through the door and the commenter continues: "body once told me..." i.e. the lyrics to "All Star" by Smashmouth.

It's a reference to the opening of the movie "Shrek," where Shrek is introduced visually by bursting out of his outhouse as the singer reaches the second syllable of the word "somebody."

♥

In the year 79, the volcano Mount Vesuvius erupted. It destroyed Pompeii and several other villages. Pompeii was buried so suddenly that we can still find the town and its victims as they were when they died. More on Pompeii.

This tweet is in reference to an iconic 1978 funk song of theirs, September. The first line is "Do you remember / the 21st night of September?" Users voted to confirm they understood the reference.