I solve 90% of my problems with jazz hands

I understand that most of your calls can be resolved by telling the dumbass on the other end to plug it in properly, or maybe turn something off and back on again. But I, an advanced dumbass, have already tried that and I'm afraid it's worse than either of us thought going into this.

Once had an IT guy tell me the only possible explanation was a localised black hole under my desk disrupting the space time continuum, and I've always been obscurely proud of having an error that severe, even though it definitely wasn't me creating localised gravitational anomalies

I once had a computer problem so weird that it was escalated through like 4 different tiers of Apple Care until I was on the phone with this incredibly earnest guy who told me [in the thickest Eastern European accent imaginable]: "Oh my God... This is so strange... Haha!! Oh my God!!! Charlie, I will tell you, I have never encountered anything like this in my seven years of working here! All my days are spent usually helping people with stupid nonsense, but Charlie, you have brought me a PUZZLE! You have brought me a GIFT! I am FASCINATED! Now, I am going to get my manager, but Charlie, I PROMISE you. I PROMISE YOU, I will be back soon. PLEASE, Charlie, stay with me, and I PROMISE I will return to you and my manager and I will take care of you. OK?" and yes thank you i did tear up

i am about to create an au SO self indulgent. the target audience is 1 person and that person is me

are you telling me that seven years ago andrew hussie almost got into crypto. that this was another timeline we just narrowly avoided.

there is literally no funnier fucking joke on the planet to me than the Concept of the Jeremy Renner App existing. like i don't care that it shut down six years ago and i only found out about it's existence the day it shut down. if you post any piece of news about good ol' j-rem and put something like "if only there was an app where we could have discussed this information firsthand" i WILL laugh so hard i give myself a stomach ache. it's peak fucking comedy

Writing isn't the hobby. Being insane about little fake people is the hobby. Writing is just the only outlet i have for that